Question on MC

Sadie43

Looking for some advice. 

My mom moved into a memory care facility in January. She actually started in regular assisted living but kept trying to leave to go home. They moved her on an emergency basis to the MC unit after a couple of days. She was temporarily in a single room and then moved into a shared room as they thought she would do well in a shared room. I was fine with that as it’s $2000 less per month than the single room. 

Today I got a call that they would like to move mom back to a single room as she won’t stay out of the roommate’s room.  For that woman’s “quality of life” mom should be moved. They said mom also goes into other peoples rooms and is disruptive at night. They even had to lock a couple of rooms to keep mom out at night. 

I felt blindsided by this as this is the first I’m hearing any of this. I know she wasn’t going to bed and didn’t want to stay in her room at bedtime so her dr prescribed an anxiety medication at bedtime to help her relax and sleep. Nothing has been said to me since about her being up at night.

I don’t want to have to pay the extra money as her funds are limited. I asked the woman if she was saying my mom would be kicked out if I didn’t agree. She said if I didn’t agree they would call for a meeting with me to discuss the issues. I feel like that’s a threat that they will kick her out. 

Shouldn’t a memory care unit be equipped to handle people who like to rummage thru things?This is a common behavior of Alzheimer’s. I find it hard to believe that there aren’t residents frequently going into other rooms. 

I don’t know whether I need to just accept the move and the extra cost or to push back. Moving to another room may stop her from going into the roommate’s room but it’s not going to stop her from going in other rooms. Will they them tell me she can’t stay if she continues?

I’m so stressed out about this!

harshedbuzz

Sadie43 wrote:

Looking for some advice. 

Today I got a call that they would like to move mom back to a single room as she won’t stay out of the roommate’s room.  For that woman’s “quality of life” mom should be moved. They said mom also goes into other peoples rooms and is disruptive at night. They even had to lock a couple of rooms to keep mom out at night. 

That sounds entirely reasonable. I would imagine that your mom's overnight antics are disruptive and are likely interfering with the roommate's sleep which is not fair to her. While shopping is certainly a common activity for those with dementia, it is reasonable for the MCF to take steps to protect the roommate from this behavior. 

I felt blindsided by this as this is the first I’m hearing any of this. I know she wasn’t going to bed and didn’t want to stay in her room at bedtime so her dr prescribed an anxiety medication at bedtime to help her relax and sleep. Nothing has been said to me since about her being up at night.

It sounds like they gave the meds and other strategies a chance to work and are circling back to re-address this. How much time elapsed between the initial call about the overnight issues and this second call? When you visited and asked staff how things were going, did the not share that this was still on-going?  

I don’t want to have to pay the extra money as her funds are limited.

This is a separate issue. I can completely appreciate the need to maximize her assets in the face of a disease that doesn't have a clear-cut timeline. Have you sat down with an elder law attorney to do Medicaid planning if there is a chance she might outlive her assets? Do you live in a state where Medicaid pays for MC? Does this MCF accept Medicaid if she needs it? If not, given your concern about limited funds, you may want to move her to a place that will convert to a Medicaid bed.  

I asked the woman if she was saying my mom would be kicked out if I didn’t agree. She said if I didn’t agree they would call for a meeting with me to discuss the issues. I feel like that’s a threat that they will kick her out. 

It's hard to say what would happen at a meeting. If you don't agree to the move, they may give you notice or they may ask you to provide a sitter for your mom overnight. That would be on your dime. 

Shouldn’t a memory care unit be equipped to handle people who like to rummage thru things?This is a common behavior of Alzheimer’s. I find it hard to believe that there aren’t residents frequently going into other rooms. 

Yes this is common behavior in MCFs. I know my dad was the victim of shoppers when he was in MC. There was one gentleman who swiped his slippers and a framed picture of my mother almost daily. Dad liked to keep his door open and his was the room nearest the common area of the MCF so he had more visitors than most. The missing picture upset him when it happened. When staff saw the missing items in other people's rooms, they returned them.

Their solution to put your mom in a private room is a sensible way to manage this problem. Some families are very upset over this behavior and can be demanding steps be taken to protect their LO.  Whatever their staffing levels, they aren't going to have enough people to stay in your mom's room and redirect her. This is especially true overnight when they likely have a skeleton crew on hand. 

I don’t know whether I need to just accept the move and the extra cost or to push back. Moving to another room may stop her from going into the roommate’s room but it’s not going to stop her from going in other rooms. Will they them tell me she can’t stay if she continues?

I would accept it or enter the meeting in a more collaborative mindset. Many MCFs have locks on the door, so overnight it may be possible to keep her out of other rooms.

I’m so stressed out about this!

TanyaD

I totally understand where you are coming from.  We also moved my mom in January, and I think the most frustrating thing when working with caregivers is the lack of communication and I don't feel like they are always "collaborating" with me to figure things out. I also understand feeling blindsided when you think things have been worked out and then find out they have not. I went through a similar situation at Mom's AL facility. I would recommend setting up a meeting and just explaining to them that you really want to understand what is happening and the full plan.  As you said, what if moving her to the single room does not keep her from wandering into other's rooms at night?  What would the next steps be? I would also feel free to ask what they feel their responsibility should be. At my mom's memory care (we are in Texas so I'm not sure if all states have the same regulations) they said legally they have to allow all the residents to roam freely.  Other residents are often in my mom's room and I have not taken her things because I know they will be "borrowed". I will also say, that you have to get yourself out of the emotional response that simply wants to protect your LO and really work on thinking about the issues from all sides. That is the most difficult thing for me.

Sadie43

Yes, the lack of communication has definitely been a problem. I think if I had been aware of issues then I wouldn’t be questioning how to handle the change of room. The room next to mom has been vacant for about 2 months. My thought was that mom probably saw that as her space as no one was there. Then I’m told that it was an issue with the prior roommate as well. That’s the first I heard of that. I know it wasn’t more than a couple of weeks of sharing the room when that woman passed away. So overall mom is not used to actually having a roommate.

I am going to agree to the room change but request a meeting to discuss the situation. If this is going to be an issue, I need to know about it.

HB, as to your questions, this is a facility that has Medicaid beds. Of course, whether my mom will get in under Medicaid won’t be known until she qualifies and at present she does not. This facility also has a SNF that accepts Medicaid. I chose this facility because it accepts Medicaid.  Other than the AD, mom has no physical issues so I’m preparing for several years.  But one never knows.

She didn’t actually have a change in medication. It was a change in that it was specifically to be given at bedtime to help her sleep. One issue is that they frequently do not have someone overnight that can dispense medication so an anti-anxiety med to be given as needed is useless. 

Thank you for your input. I have been so stressed for so long that at this point any problem sends me over the edge. People think because mom is in a facility there should no problems. It’s a different kind of stress but it’s still stress. 

caregiving daughter

I would ask about the level of directed activity. There should be plenty of group music sessions, craft times, animal therapy, meal times, etc. such when residents are alone in their rooms, they would prefer to relax for a bit.