Sexual harassment

MerriMom

yesterday  morning my Dad was saying that I'm a beautiful woman and he can kiss me all day and he wants me to sit on his lap if I weren't his daughter. I told him that I'm not doing that and I'm a grown woman and I'm married and we're not doing that. He just said that he was teasing. I don't know if he was gonna act like he was gonna start crying or not. We finished his walk and he went back to his room. Then I helped him do his exercises in the chair. 

We did dad’s exercises in the chair and he said that the doesn’t know why that lady hasn’t been back here to do them. I told him that a man is coming today to do it because the lady is out of town. We did the exercises and he said that his back hurt. I told him why it hurts and that he’s getting the procedure done on Thursday. He said that what he needs is mouth to mouth with a pretty lady. I told him that the back doctor is a woman and he said that works. I told him that he can’t do that. I said that it’s called sexual harassment and it’s illegal so he can’t do that because people don’t like it. He started saying “I just” and I left. 

My husband Bob is concerned not only about me but also about our 11 year old daughter Hailey. Bob said that his cousin heather went through this situation and was molested by her grandfather as a child. Her parents ignored the situation and she’s still affected by it. I’m now making the calls to actively seek putting him into memory care.  

I've been frazzled about this all day it was all over by 9am and he's been asleep since then. At 1pm I some him up and gave him his lunch shake. I took him for his noon walk around the house He called me Sweetcheeks. I asked him if he knows who I am. He said that I'm his wife. I said no I'm your daughter. He just said I'm sorry.  

Oh my gosh. At 2pm I was just sitting in his room and he was talking to me. Then he started patting his crotch and saying “settle down”  I said “what was that?!”  he said “my wiener”    So I just said no we're not doing this. he just kept saying I'm sorry honey I'm just teasing. I walked out and called my husband.  

SusanB-dil

oh MerriMom - I'm so sorry for that situation.  It does sound like when he is in that state, that he is projecting that you are his wife, not daughter.  I know that doesn't make the unwanted advances any less disturbing for you.  When you are there, is there any way you could go with DH, and not alone?   Or is 'his room' a bedroom within your house?  Someone may have better suggestion, but I would either speak to his doc, or yes, maybe start looking at MC.

dayn2nite2

I think at this time, I would definitely not leave my daughter alone with him at any time and tell my daughter that if her grandfather starts talking to her like that, to leave and tell an adult immediately.

Most staff in facilities know how to deal with this behavior, but a female home PT may just choose not to deal with it and any home help may end up having to be male.  

I would also stop trying to explain about sexual harassment and reasoning with him.  Obviously he has no idea who you are or what is appropriate - that is his disease.

If you are uncomfortable and can't deal with it, then it's time for him to be placed.

mommyandme (m&m)

Your daughter is definitely not safe alone with him, as you know.   Even his words without anything physical could scar her.  I’m sorry you have this challenge now.  

My thought is adult women could probably deal with it. Just saying “NO”, “Don’t talk like that”, “Don’t touch me” etc… may help.  That’s what I saw in a SNF which seemed to work.  Of course it’s a “rinse and repeat” scenario most likely.  I have no idea of his physical ability to push himself on someone but it seems like he responds to your words, so far. 

I’m just really sorry.  Keeping you and yours safe is number one.  

Quilting brings calm

MerriMom-  I’m sorry that it has come to this.  There are medications that can be given but side effects would most likely result in his capabilities decreasing.  Once he is placed, that medication will most likely be needed for the comfort of female residents and staff. This behavior will not be limited to just you. 

Please do not allow your daughter to go to his room even with you.  Your being there might prevent physical touching but it won’t prevent the inappropriate comments. 

You mention an upcoming surgery,  will he be going to rehab after that for therapy?  I suggest you tell them in the hospital that he cannot be released back to you as you can no longer care for him in your home. Let them help you find placement