New and needing direction

Chilz

New to the site, but not to Alz. We lost Mom after an 8 year battle 3 years ago. Now our 92 y.o. Dad has it and I've relocated from out of state to help my sister care for him. I'm caring for him 12 hrs/day, 4 days week. Every day there's a new challenge, concern, issue, evidence of decline. How do I keep from feeling like I'm failing? Today and yesterday have been particularly bad days. Today it was a struggle (physically) just to bathe him, but that's the one thing I have to do to help keep him safe. He refused his AM meds twice, so I crushed them and added them to his Boost. He finally drank the Boost at 2:00 today, when I was giving him his afternoon meds. He only eats twice a day, and barely eats then. I gave up on trying to get him to eat breakfast/lunch today, and hope I can get some pureed soup in him at dinnertime. 

How do I keep from feeling like I'm failing him, my sister, and the rest of my siblings? I know I'm doing my best, but I can't help but feel I should be able to do better, do more. 

abc123

Dear Chilz, Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you found us. There are many wise and caring people here. We do our best to support each other. I'm very sorry for the loss of your dear mother. This is the worst disease ever in so many ways. You are correct in saying that everyday is a new challenge. Please go easy on yourself. You are only human. Your dad is fortunate to have such a caring daughter. The fact that he no longer wants to eat is cause for concern in my opinion Has your dad been evaluated by a hospice nurse? If I were in your shoes, I'd call a hospice company. They can shed a lot of light on his situation that could be extremely helpful to you and him, Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

SusanB-dil

Hi Chilz - welcome to 'here'...

agreeing with ABC - do get a hospice evaluation. They can be very helpful. You can also check out the 'solutions' tab up above and you can call the alz care number.  

Yes - every day it is something else. You are not failing him. You care and are taking care of him. That is not failing.  A lot of posts are about the medicine.  That is one of the big issues we have as well.  MIL has the anosognosia - We get to hear that 'nothing is wrong, so why should I take meds!!'  Do be careful to check which ones may not be able to be crushed, though. You could check with your pharmacist on that.

Hang in there, you are doing your best - and know you are not alone!

BakedAlaska

I add my support for hospice. They handled medication for my mother as she declined, and I believe no one could have done a better job. Hospice also helped my brother in his last months, and I believe no hospice nurse ever had a WORSE patient to deal with. Boy, he was stubborn, angry, disagreeable and loud! But they did everything he would let them do, and at the end they were able to get him to agree to go to a facility where he could be cared for.

The not eating may indeed be serious. It is one way that people like my mother come to their end. However, I would not ever say that your father is in that situation. You know much better than anyone else where he is physically and mentally, and what is happening day by day. 

Trust yourself. You are doing your dad a huge service, and you are not failing -- it's just that there are things which are impossible to do. You can't force-feed your dad, you can't drag him to the shower and force him to bathe. All you can do is help him. And you're doing that.