Happy Mother's Day

abc123 · May 2022

Wishing everyone a Happy Mother's Day. Hoping we will all find a moment of peace and search for something to be grateful for.

I have come to realize that I have been waiting for my mother to die. My dad is doing the same thing. The nurse told me that she has seen it happen to other people when their LO gets to the stage my mom is in and the caregiver has reached their limit. She said that we are ready to move on emotionally, we are ready for the next part of our life to begin. So where does that leave momma? This is her life journey, not mine and not dad's, even though it effects us deeply. I have been living in a bubble. I come here to read and check up on all of you as much as possible because I care about all of you. I think about you all everyday. I pray for you and wonder how you are. I have been wanting to post an update and have trouble finding a way to explain it. I end up hitting the cancel button. Tuesday I meant with the social worker for an hour and the hospice pastor for an hour and a half. I first meant these two people over 9 years ago when my husband had cancer. Their kind of like old friends now. The SW made me do most of the talking and that made me aware of a couple of things I've never thought of before. The pastor did just about all of the talking and it was medicine to my heart. It was as if I had given him a list of all the things I am dealing with emotionally beforehand and he had prepared a plan of action just for me! It was truly a special meeting. About a week ago I realized that I was basically waiting for my mother to die. She is late stage 7, she can't get out of bed, can't hold a conversation, the list of what she can't do is endless. I keep asking God in my prayers to show me how to be the daughter he wants me to be, show me how to be the daughter my mother deserves me to be, not what I want or need. I am slowly but surely coming to appreciate this time I have with her. I have witnessed her beautiful smile when she see's me. I have witnessed her wiggling her fingers and watching her shadows on the wall at 3 am. I fill the bird feeder outside her window twice a day because she still watches the birds. I meant one of dad's new neighbors this week and she told me her mother died from Alz. She told me her mother was bedridden for six years before she died. I wonder if my mother will do the same. Whatever she does is between her and God. It's her journey. My dad just walked in. I have to go. To Be Continued....

Quilting brings calm · May 2022

Abc

I hope all those professionals told you that your feelings were normal, and expected. I’ve not sat vigil myself, but I have seen others do so. Those same feelings have been expressed to me from them. Sitting vigil, or caring for someone at the stage your mom is, allows for a lot of time to think. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your mom. It’s just the natural result of the wear and tear on your mind, heart, and body. You just can’t hold the same emotions and adrenaline day after day. You know the final outcome, but you have no idea if it is hours, days, weeks, or months.

My thoughts are with you. I’m glad you got a chance to give us an update.