Remembers this but not that??

Susanna22

Hello all,

I hope someone on this forum can explain.  How is it my mom can’t remember her bodily functions but can remember the name of the new caregiver from days ago?  Nothing makes any sense.  I asked her how many times a day she’s changing her soiled adult underwear. She can’t tell me.  

harshedbuzz

Susanna-

Hello and welcome. I am sorry for your need to be here but glad you found the group.

The ability to read and experience emotion remains intact well into the progression of dementia. I expect the emotional nature of this question- which is both incredibly personal and could be construed as shaming- would cause a PWD to shut down around it. 

If the PWD also has anosognosia, it could be that they don't see themselves as soiling and needing to change. Anosognosia is a condition in which a PWD isn't able to appreciate that they have had a cognitive shift which has left them impaired in some ways. 

FWIW, but stage 6, dad refused to shower. It was like avoiding soap and water was his job. If asked, he would tell you he'd showered that morning as was his custom prior to dementia. 

If you really must know that answer, ask the caregiver how often she's changing or keep an inventory by discretely counting her Depends daily.

HB

May flowers

I agree with HB, sometimes it’s a subject they don’t want to talk about.

Sometimes, I think it’s part of the progression. My FIL could remember odd, random things.

That was around stage 5-6. Eventually, he stopped remembering most everything (now in stage 7), but he still surprises us from time to time.

MN Chickadee

It's normal. It's like some days certain brain synapses fire and other days they don't. Good days and bad. The incontinence piece is not likely to improve, her caregivers will just have to monitor more closely and give prompting to use the toilet and actually help her change when needed. She will certainly not be a reliable source if you ask her or leave it up to her.

sandwichone123

It's frustrating, but memories seem to be first in/last out. Often PWD (people with dementia) can remember scenes from early childhood with picture accuracy, but can't remember whether they had breakfast ten minutes ago. Memories are stored with emotion, so it sounds like she may have had an emotional experience (hopefully positive) with the new aide.

I think it's worth remembering the harsh potty-training of med-century childraising. Our parents, who may have been children in the 40's, are very ashamed of their "accidents" and will never outgrow that. We need to be kind and gentle with them around that painful topic. So she doesn't remember the number of changes, and she finds it painful to think about it anyway. Emotions remain, often if the person doesn't even really remember what made them upset they seem to have an emotional resonance that remains.

Google Teepa Snow and you will find a horde of terrific videos that address more effective ways of communicating with PWD without damaging our relationship or their self-esteem.

Nerdyblond

Hi Susanna22. I tend to think Alzheimer's affects everyone differently. I think it really depends on where the brain is being affected. My mom forgets to eat throughout the day. She used to do a lot of quilting and she's been working on this particular quilt for 7 months because she cannot remember what she was doing. She had a flip cell phone. I had to get her a new one and she completely forgot how to use it. But she DOES NOT want to wear a "diaper" so she goes to the bathroom all the time. Maybe try setting a schedule for her? Like she should go to the bathroom every hour on the hour? Get a timer or something? Perhaps? Maybe?