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A new issue

Gig Harbor
Gig Harbor Member Posts: 564
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Today we were driving to our daughter’s for dinner. My husband undid his seatbelt and then could not do it back up. He had no idea why he did it. Coming home he opened his door and then immediately pulled it closed. We were on a freeway and it totally surprised me. Of course I yelled and told him that if he ever did that again it would be his last car ride and said he would be riding in the backseat. I am not proud of how I handled it but he became very quiet and seemed to listen. If he starts to do that taking him anywhere will be impossible. This disease is terrible.

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  • Pat6177
    Pat6177 Member Posts: 442
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    That is scary! There will be times he has to be in the car, like going to dr appts. Thank goodness for child locks in the back seat! It never ceases to amaze me how these things come out of the blue and blindside us.
  • [Deleted User]
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  • Battlebuddy
    Battlebuddy Member Posts: 331
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       That is a very scary thing to have happen. 

       When it happened to us I moved him to the back seat. I started by piling some stuff on the drivers side seat ( we were going to the beach)  and just said let’s have you sit in the back. I would block his way to the front and open the door to the back, I guess he was out of it enough to go along. 

       But it wasn’t too long before he couldn’t remember how to get in and out of a car. That was the end of car tripping. So put him in the back and enjoy the cat rides as long as you can.  

  • Quilting brings calm
    Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 2,406
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    It sounds as if he ‘forgot’ the car was moving.  I’ve discussed my mom’s undiagnosed UTI in 2019 before.  She opened the car door on the interstate because she wanted to take the dog for a walk.  She knew we were traveling, but I guess she just ‘forgot’.  She was already in the back seat, but the child locks were not engaged,  That was rectified before we moved the car again.  We were newbies at this entire dementia/ UTI thing. It just had not occurred to us that she would do that. 

    For your sanity and blood pressure, I recommend that you put him in the back seat,with the child locks, and seat belted.  

  • Ed1937
    Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,084
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    Gig, that would scare anybody. Quilting had a good idea, putting things on the passenger seat in front. And I also think it's well worth having a test for a UTI. That can cause all kinds of problems, and once treated, the problems can simply become a thing of the past. Best of luck to you.
  • Quilting brings calm
    Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 2,406
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    Although it’s flattering  that Ed ( a very smart guy) thinks I have  good ideas… the front seat full idea is Battlebuddy’s.
  • Ed1937
    Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,084
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    Although it's flattering that Quilting thinks I'm a smart guy, Ooooops! Sorry, Battlebuddy.
  • ImMaggieMae
    ImMaggieMae Member Posts: 1,013
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    This happened with my DH just a couple of weeks ago, but I think he did it by accident. We were on a local road and i had  just opened both of our windows from the switch my side to let in some fresh air. I think he may have been trying to close the window or open it further and grabbed the door handle by mistake. He closed it right away. Nonetheless, it scared me and when we are driving on the freeway I’ve asked him to sit in the back with child locks set and my sister sitting in the front seat to “help me with directions.” He’s been cooperative and has ridden in the front seat since on local rides, with no problems. I do keep an eye on his hands though and ask him to keep them in his lap. He loves to go for rides.

    Crushed, thank you for that link for the seat belt lock. I have it on my Amazon list in case we need it for the future.

  • Gig Harbor
    Gig Harbor Member Posts: 564
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    My car interior is black. I might put a piece of black duct tape over the handle after he is in the car. I can say the handle is loose.
  • ladyzetta
    ladyzetta Member Posts: 1,028
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    Gig.  That might work if he remembers what you told him. If he remembers what you said he might just, try it to see of its working. I think the back seat with child lock doors would be the safest way to go. I think with him in the back seat you won't be worrying so much. Hugs Zetta
  • Love&Light
    Love&Light Member Posts: 57
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    This also happened with my Dad. Suggest NOT putting him in the seat directly behind the driver. 

    My Dad once had an aggressive episode while sundowning and actually started strangling the driver. It was scary and dangerous.

    We learned from that and when we drove with him, my brother sat in the back with him and 'managed' the back seat including buckling his seat belt when he unbuckled it. 

  • Gig Harbor
    Gig Harbor Member Posts: 564
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    I honestly think that once he does not see the chrome handle he won’t think about opening the door. He was fidgeting with buttons. He can only open the door if he does it by muscle memory. He really doesn’t recognize the handle anymore for what it is so now it will look like the black door. It is worth at try.
  • aod326
    aod326 Member Posts: 235
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    As in every part of life, duct tape is a wonderfool tool in the dementia toolbox! I taped over all the interior "snib" locks, taped the shower doors closed, taped over the parts of the tv remote that he'd press and I couldn't figure out what he'd done, taped over switches that shouldn't be moved. You name it - it got duct taped!

    My DH also got out of a moving car - it was terrifying, especially as I couldn't turn around and by the time I got to the spot he'd got lost. It was the first time I had to call the police to find him.

  • shardy
    shardy Member Posts: 43
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    We also had this happen, multiple times. The first time was when he saw something he wanted, I was on the brakes and grabbing him and totally shocked. 

    The second time it was the same, brakes and grabbing. He explained he thought we were home. I explained in a rather harsh way that if it ever happened again he would forever ride in the back seat.

    Its been over a year and has not happened again. He now waits, waits for me to say ok, get in the car, get out of the car, waits for me to open my car door etc.

    One thing I did find helpful was being able to program the vehicle so the doors lock. He can easily open the door, but cannot unlock it.

  • Care4Mom2
    Care4Mom2 Member Posts: 42
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    That is scary. I can’t speak for everyone, but I feel like my reaction to my DH is more of a mother than a wife. Alzheimer’s does cause them to revert back to being a child in their mind. I would have reacted the same as you.

    I remember taking my mom for a ride to the store one day just for something to do. She knew my siblings and I were looking to take her to a (geriatric) doctor (but not that day). She kept saying that we were taking her to jail (she had aphasia) and she was pretty upset about it. I started to panic. I was afraid she was going to open the door while we were in the highway. I don’t know what I would have done….

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more