MC decision

Ezacres

Hello. I am new to the group. After a lot of soul searching and struggling with guilt, I am completing admission paperwork for MC for my husband today. This is, without a doubt, one of the toughest decisions I have ever made.  I am planning to move him the first of June.  He has late stage dementia and is in a wheel chair. He is able to stand for transfer but is unable to walk due to cognitive confusion and is at risk of falling. He can still feed himself  but needs full assistance for all other ADLs. The way I try to justify my decision is to keep telling myself that moving forward, my time with him will be spent as a wife and advocate. That I will be more rested, calm and patient by giving up the 24-hour caregiving. Finding the inner strength to move in any direction and plan for the future has been very difficult emotionally.

toolbeltexpert

Ezacres you are absolutely right, I can feel it in my heart how gut wrenching that is, but you are doing what is best for your dh. You are not alone there are several on the forum at the same place you are. I am not,  but the thoughts are surly there that someday I will have to do what is best for my dw and me,, keep posting and let us know how it is going. Many others will reply to your post. Welcome to the the forum.

Ezacres

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I am glad I found this forum late last night. We all need a place to share and help each other through this journey.  Will check in on everyone this evening. Wishing you a peaceful day.

Ed1937

Ezacres, welcome to the forum. You will find a lot of help and support here.

You are right about how hard it is to make a decision on that. I just had to make the decision too, and it was very stressful trying to make it. Once the decision was made, I felt a heavy load being lifted off my shoulders. I'm sorry you are dealing with it now.

Beachfan

Ezacres,

Welcome to the forum, but sorry you need to be here.  You will find a lot of kindred spirits here.

My DH has been in a MCF since November.  He is 78, 12 years since initial dx and is late stage 6.  He does not know me or any family members or friends any longer.  He can do virtually nothing for himself or by himself.  I spent over 2 years researching and visiting MCF’s, and agonizing over the decision to place or not to place DH.  On the surface, he was an easy patient to keep at home; he didn’t wander, wasn’t aggressive, slept all night, was continent. But I was spending all my waking (and lightly sleeping) hours caring for him to the exclusion of my kids’ and grandkids’ lives, and my own as well.  I love DH with all my heart and miss him every day, but I have no regrets and I know I made the right decision for both of us.  

Yesterday, Mother’s Day, I went to a beautiful brunch, planned and hosted by my adult son and his golfing buddies for their moms, wives, random relatives and kids.  I could never have taken DH along, nor would I have felt comfortable leaving him home.  It was sunny and warm after 3 days of rain, I got to mingle with friends of DH and mine, chat with “kids” that DH taught and coached over the years, and watch the grandkids romp and play.  It was bittersweet, but a social gathering I have missed over the past several years.  

Tomorrow, I will visit DH, help him with his lunch, take him for a walk, and hold his hand and chat with his cottage mates in his MCF.  Placement has allowed me to be his wife and advocate;  I will return home alone, but with a lighter heart and a happier outlook on life.

You have an agonizing decision to make; I wish you well.  You can always rescind any decision you make if you have doubts.  I thought I would keep DH at home with me until the end, until I didn’t.  Everyone’s path is different; there is no one size fits all.  Best wishes.