One thing I miss because of this disease

bigfoot2you

I miss just sitting and talking.........not about anything in particular..........just talking.  He's in a good place tonight but just told me he used to go out in boats and rescue people.........ahuh............I know his father was a Sheriff and he used to go with him to pick up dead bodies,  I suppose this is where this fits in...............I miss just having an adult conversation with someone.............

Joydean

Hi bigfoot2you. I can tell you there’s not one of us on this horrible road we are all on that doesn’t miss just having a conversation with our love one. It has been over 7 years since my dh and I have had an actual conversation. Just one of the many little things we miss as a married couple. This disease makes for a very lonely relationship. Sorry I don’t mean to sound so depressing, but truth is, it is the disease that takes everything away. Try to enjoy what ever little win, what ever smile you are blessed with!

Buggsroo

My husband would say the funniest things. A sense of humour is my gold standard, his was platinum. The two of us would laugh and laugh together. I don’t have conversations with him anymore, just tell him I will make his dinner, breakfast or lunch. I feel lonely.

Gig Harbor

The last time my husband seemed normal was in 2010. I just realized I really can’t remember much of what that was like. I have been covering for him since then. Tonight for the first time he tried to put on a shirt as a pair of pants. He didn’t see that it was a mistake when I pointed it out. So sad.

Crushed

I miss the life we worked for all our lives
 
DW was a brilliant government physician and a hard working professional. I was a Professor by 40.  We worked  HARD.  We raised our children together and supported one another in every possible way.  She was incredible.   She was so vital that her agency waived  all caps on her annual leave  so it could accumulate.  In 2009 she was appointed to the top position in her field in her agency.  I was by then an Emeritus professor and the future was golden  DD#1 was in a PhD Program DD#2 in law school. 
She actually took all of her annual leave that year  
In 2010 she was diagnosed MCI and it all came crashing down.  She was 58

There would be no "golden years"  We crammed in as many  good times as we could as the disease destroyed her brain.   October 2017 she went into Memory care She was 65

She will be 70 next week 

  

DrinaJGB

This, too is the thing I miss the most.

  I am always reminded of that song from the 60's by The Lovin' Spoonfull "My Darling Be Home Soon"..

 where the last line simply says it all" for the great relief of having you to talk to."

aod326

I also miss the "nothing in particular" conversations, more than anything else. We talked all the time and now I find I can't remember what we talked about. Sometimes something happens and I know exactly what joke he'd make, or what song lyric he'd quote - classic rock was his thing - but I just don't know what we spent all our time chattering about. 

The loss of conversation, and loss of sense of humor (the first thing I noticed that went) was the hardest part.

Marie58

DH is completely non verbal. He has been for at least 2 years now. It's probably been 5 years since we had a real conversation. I miss that so much. We talked all the time. Road trips were the best, no interruptions, just time to talk about anything. Sadly, the future we talked about never materialized thanks to dementia.

Ed1937

Kathleen, welcome to the forum. Sorry you need to be here. But it's really a good forum. You will get a lot of understanding from the members. 

We can still sort of have a conversation at times. Other times I have absolutely no idea what she's talking about. Not looking forward to the time when there is nothing at all.

Cherjer

I often think about my brother (having lost his wife at a young age to cancer) telling me that we all have our losses...my DH had always lived a healthy life until diagnosed with AD. None of us escape life without something going wrong. I am devastated by this disease, but we must remember that there are many suffering with other diseases that destroy lives

Maybe this forum can focus more on the positive things in our lives...the blessing that Crushed has had with his brilliant wife....who offered so much in her short life and you are so proud of her (but think of those who did not have that in their lives).

Like all of you, I hate this brain disease that takes away our loved ones, but we can choose how to handle this. 

Ed1937

Cherjer wrote:

 

Like all of you, I hate this brain disease that takes away our loved ones, but we can choose how to handle this. 

Exactly!!

Joydean

Cherjer, thank you for that reminder! I know I get so wrapped up in the day to day caregiving. But there is always something to be grateful for if we just take a minute and look to see it. There is a world outside of our own home and others are suffering from different illnesses. I enjoy my quiet time early in the morning, just to see the beauty of the breaking dawn and the birds waking up and chirping.

Crushed

Cherjer wrote:

Maybe this forum can focus more on the positive things in our lives...the blessing that Crushed has had with his brilliant wife....who offered so much in her short life and you are so proud of her (but think of those who did not have that in their lives).

This forum always make me think about the man who was sad because he had no shoes till he met a man who had no feet.

I know I have had an easier  (albeit earlier) path with this disease than most.  DW was always the warm wonderful girl I married  right up to when psychosis started to take her away.  Until 2017 we could travel to carefully selected destinations  that she enjoyed totally.  I can afford private care for her indefinitely.  I have a totally supportive family.

But it still hurts every single day 

  

  

 

  
  

Paris20

i miss our yearly trips to France. My husband enjoyed the friendships we built because I speak French. We still had regions to see in La France Profonde, the deep heart of the country. My husband promised he would take me to France as long as we were able. Now he has Alzheimer’s and one week ago he had a stroke. I will miss those wonderful trips together. 

I just want to add that I am very grateful for these forums. Sometimes there are days when dementia can yield not one moment of joy. For example, last week when my husband had a paralyzing stroke in the midst of advanced Alzheimer’s disease. I thank God that I can come here, among people who understand the suffering of our LOs and the suffering of each other. I get support and understanding here, which is exactly what I need.

Jeff86

 

 Yea 

I know I have had an easier  (albeit earlier) path with this disease than most.  DW was always the warm wonderful girl I married  right up to when psychosis started to take her away.  Until 2017 we could travel to carefully selected destinations  that she enjoyed totally.  I can afford private care for her indefinitely.  I have a totally supportive family.

But it still hurts every single day 

  

Exactly.  Within the confines of this horrible disease, I have been, comparatively, very fortunate.   My DW has not undergone a personality change, remains the warm and loving person she has always been, and readily accepts the assistance she needs.  Family is long distance but supportive.  Our finances can handle whatever care she will need, wherever that may be.  I am profoundly grateful for all these things.   And yet.   I grieve every day as I watch her slowly, relentlessly, disappear.  

 

 

  
  

Jeff86

Crushed wrote:

Cherjer wrote:

Maybe this forum can focus more on the positive things in our lives...the blessing that Crushed has had with his brilliant wife....who offered so much in her short life and you are so proud of her (but think of those who did not have that in their lives).

This forum always make me think about the man who was sad because he had no shoes till he met a man who had no feet.

I know I have had an easier  (albeit earlier) path with this disease than most.  DW was always the warm wonderful girl I married  right up to when psychosis started to take her away.  Until 2017 we could travel to carefully selected destinations  that she enjoyed totally.  I can afford private care for her indefinitely.  I have a totally supportive family.

But it still hurts every single day 

  

Exactly.  Within the confines of this horrible disease, I have been, comparatively, very fortunate.   My DW has not undergone a personality change, remains the warm and loving person she has always been, and readily accepts the assistance she needs.  Family is long distance but supportive.  Our finances can handle whatever care she will need, wherever that may be.  I am profoundly grateful for all these things.   And yet.   I grieve every day as I watch her slowly, relentlessly, disappear.    

 

 

  
  

Cherjer

Yes Jeff, it is hard to see our  loved ones fade away with this devastating disease. This forum validates how very hard we caregiver deal with this day to day. One day we can be so upbeat and the next day deflated. I just remember my mom losing our dad in a tragic accident when he was only 67 and mom 62. Completely unexpected, And my brother and sister-in-law(my college roomate) losing two of their 4 children ...Kelly at age 13 and Mark at age 21..totally unexpected to heart issues. They never had a chance to live. As hard as it is to deal with AD, my heart goes out to those who never had a chance. Jerry and I  lived a good life and even though AD is so terrible... I am grateful for the years we have had together. My husband has the APOE4 gene. No one is his large family has AD...