Taking up the Slack

Scooterr

   There has been many discussions on this forum of how friends, family and acquaintances disconnect from our LO's with dementia. My DW and I also have had our fair share of those folks. For whatever reason they have from not knowing how to approach, not knowing what to say, from feeling uncomfortable, or what ever psychological reason they disconnect. I really don't care, they can get on down the road.  

   To my amazement there's people who have totally surprised me and is taking up the slack. The guys at where I used work, they call or send me text a couple of times a week asking if I need anything or asking about my wife. Our youngest son has really surprised me he's always calling the Old Man making sure I'm ok and checking on his mother, he has really become proactive. My wife's oldest sister is another one. Before my wife was diagnose with dementia they spoke maybe once a year, now she calls a couple a times a week checking up on her sister.

  I think got to the point where I was  putting to much energy and effort in being mad and upset about those who were disconnecting I totally overlooked those who were right in front of me. Shame on me.

  By the way I changed my profile pic, that's DW about 10yrs ago, 6yrs before she was diagnose. Her hair is all gray and  Alzheimer's is slowly taking it's toll on her, But she still more beautiful than the Sunflower. 

   

mrl

Yes Scooterr-she is a beauty and it truly is amazing to have the kind of support you have.

Thanks for sharing,

Michele  

Joydean

Scooterr, your lady is very beautiful, and yes prettier than the flower. You are also right about we do tend to focus on the negative more than the positive. Honestly we have to work harder to see the positive! 

Battlebuddy

  I think your wife looks lovely. 

    Something very similar happened to me . I was using up too much energy on those disconnected. I had to refocus on those involved. I drew a pyramid with all of the folks involved , including the Hospice folks . At the very bottom was a thin line of folks that I call        “ the drive bys”   It made me feel so much better to see all those folks above that thin line that made up his team of support.  

Jeff86

Lovely pic.

Early on in this journey I made a key decision to focus on family and friends who are on this hard journey with us, and let go of those who—for whatever reason(s)—can’t or won’t hit the road with us.   It is so hard for people to deal with PWD’s, and we caregivers have to preserve our energy and use it to focus positively, forgiving or at least understanding those who have opted out.   

Cherjer

Hi Scooter... I LOVE the new picture! Your DW is beautiful! You are so right on focusing on the positive...that makes us all feel whole! You are an amazing caregiver. In my opinion I think it is harder for the male spouses to deal with this disease. I applaud you for your caregiving. I care for my 79 year old husband with AD but could not imagine if the roles were reversed! Yes, he would take care of me but don't think he would have the friends to  help him out, God gives us what we can handle!!

Scooterr

Thank you guys for the kind words of DW pic. Cherjer I agree totally on your opinion, "It seem to be harder for males to deal with the disease" or at least for this male. For the longest I was in denial. When realization hit it was like a hammer, wow my DW does have Alzheimer's then trying to digest and process it all at once it became a train wreck. Somehow you ladies are able to navigate through the difficult channel of caregiving more clearer. I'm not saying it's easier for you, but you seem to process every situation, good or bad, in a systemically way. Where I try to do it all at once.

White Crane

Scooter, your DW is lovely!  And thank you for the reminder to look on the positives instead of concentrating on the negatives.  Yes, there have been a lot of friends who have pulled away and watch from a distance.  But there are others who have stepped up and are trying to help when and where they can...bringing lunch once in a while; inviting us to play rummy once a month or so; coming over and doing minor repairs when needed; visiting with DH on a regular basis.  These kindnesses are all blessings and may God bless each of them.  Thank you for sharing.

Brenda