Moved wife to MemoryCare

TheMonck

The hardest thing in my life to do.I feel so guilty.I so long to just reach out and touch her.Im 74 and now fighting the urge to kickup my heels and flirt.Where did this feeling come from?Im crying over my wife but yet having wrong urges.I cant believe i shared this.

terei

Don’t worry about it.  You have been lacking a sense of normalcy while you were  being a 24/7 caregiver.   Having harmless interaction with the opposite sex is just a fun social activity.

sandwichone123

Monck, often caregivers are experiencing ambiguous grief and anticipatory grief.

That is, we have ambiguity in that the person we're grieving is still physically present, but their "personhood," the parts of them we loved, are gone. In case of memory care they are physically removed from us as well, but the love and the marriage remain.We are also grieving in anticipation of loss. Families typically have this type of grief when their loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, but for us it lasts much longer and in the absence of noticable physical symptoms it's harder for us to support ourselves as we would for a loved one with a more recognizable physical decline.

Beginning to care for yourself, including by reaching out to others socially is a very good and healthy way to cope with your loss. There is nothing wrong in the urge to renew your life by kicking up your heels and by flirting--it just feels strange after so long being defined by a single relationship.

Joydean

Monch, hi and welcome. Sorry you have to be here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling alive and human. Yes you are mourning for your wife, the wife you love. Sadly “she “ is not here! Take care of yourself . 

There is a very long thread about dating when your spouse is in memory care under spouse and or partner. I suggest that would be a good read for you.

[Deleted User]

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mommyandme (m&m)

I’m so glad you shared your feelings.  You’re ALIVE…and that’s wonderful.  

Flirting is FUN! You deserve some joy in your life.  

I don’t know your wife’s cognition or her style… depending on that, who’s to say she’s not feeling the same way?  Maybe she’ll find some flirting fun too.  Maybe you can even flirt with her when you visit.  Of course I know nothing really, just glad you came here. 

Still, I’m sorry for the struggles cause… they be real!