Having to give up pet dog

TTRT

My mom is in a memory care unit for about two years now. She has been allowed to have and take care of her pet dog of about 9 years old.  Because it is difficult for her to now remember to brush her, let her out, and can no longer walk her after a partial hip replacement this winter, I'm told she can no longer have it. How do I go about removing the dog when she doesn't see this. She doesn't realize she isn't giving quality care.

Also, once the dog is removed, is it better or worse to bring the dog back for visits?

Please share any ideas or help you may have experienced.

Thanks,

TTRT

mommyandme (m&m)

Welcome to this forum.  I’m sorry for your circumstances. I’m wondering if some type of dog sitter could be hired to come in daily to take care of the dog for a few? Would that be allowed?

Nerdyblond

Hi, 

I am so sorry for your circumstances.

There is also the option of telling your mom that you need to take the dog to the doctor, and then come back without the dog. If she asks, tell her the truth. You are going to care for the dog because she cannot do what the dog needs, and (if they say it is okay) you will bring her for visits. If she does not ask then don't say anything. 

harshedbuzz

TTRT-

Ugh. This is an unfortunate situation that is going to call for the power of fiblets.

To my ear this sounds like a scenario that would respond to "The Doctor's Orders Fiblet". It's a classic appeal to authority that allows you to remain an ally and could allow for you to trial visits. 

I might come up with a narrative that her ortho wants the dog in the care of someone else so she can concentrate on healing and getting better and so he's not a risk to her. The commiserate and bring the dog for visits unless that's a trigger for emotional upset. Another fiblet might be the vet wants the dog out of the MCF because of a risk to the dog of some "doggie virus" he could catch from others. 

HB

ButterflyWings

The dog walker/sitter seems like a great idea if allowed and if you can find a reliable one for a reasonable cost. Every day for the duration. Seems like a lot to coordinate, but maybe...

I agree with the fiblet approach. Always. We are encouraged to always try to offer the kindest, most comforting answer to give someone with a broken brain. Less pain, agitation, and possibly acting out for the PWD. Doggie gets re-homed to a better situation without creating a further crisis by pointing out mom's deficits (which she clearly won't agree with or wouldn't be neglecting her pet in the first place). Anosognosia is real, and it reigns at my house too. 

Several members have gifted their LOs with a life-like dog in the late stages when they can't care for a real animal anymore. If I recall, both the cat and dog versions are very popular.

MN Chickadee

I would use a therapeutic fib and call it temporary so as not to upset her. Maybe the veterinarian said the dog should live somewhere it can get more exercise for a while to lose some weight or get its meds right. Maybe it's doing a couple week intensive with a trainer or is partaking in a study at the vets office. Maybe doggie went on a road trip with a family member. If her memory loop is short I would just whisk it away when she is out of the room and keep giving the fib after the fact. Putting her through saying goodbye if she won't remember seems kind of pointless. Try to stay even and not get your own emotions involved because she will feed of that. Stay upbeat, no big deal. I would not bring it to visit for a while until she has adjusted to life without it. I would think it would just trigger the taking it away conversation over and over. My mother loved her robo-cat. Look at Joy for All Pets. It seems a tad ridiculous but many PWD take to them. I even found myself talking to it.

harshedbuzz

I hate to harsh anyone's buzz, but a dog sitter/walker runs $30-$60/hr. A health, young dog will need to go out 3 times a day as a minimum. I'm not sure if you'd pay extra for feeding and/or brushing but I wonder if your mom would interfere thinking she's already done it or if she would resent someone lavishing attention on her dog. And then there's always the risk of a "no-show" or the dog having an "accident" because of a GI upset. 

If you were to do this, could you pay a group of caregivers at the facility to do this as a side-hustle perhaps at the shift change?

No complying with this reasonable request could risk the placement and lead to them asking her to leave. 

HB

caregiving daughter

My mother was a HUGE animal lover. She had animals from childhood to being placed in memory care. On one specific occasion, when she was going through a high level of distress, I borrowed a friend's dog in an attempt to bring comfort. She gave it no attention--didn't seem to care at all. Bottom line, it may end up being okay re-homing the animal, for both of them. At a later stage, you could try a baby doll or stuffed dog. My mom would have said both were ridiculous but she ended up loving holding the baby doll.

mommyandme (m&m)

HB… so wise as always!