Name on the List

Gig Harbor

Well today I put my husband’s name on a list for memory care and gave them a deposit. I said I was looking at the fall. At this point he doesn’t seem to realize where he is at home now. He is only interested in lacing and unlacing his shoes and power that is coming from the lights and cords. He wants me to stay in the room and listen to him but I make an excuse and leave the room for half an hour. I keep checking on him but I can’t stay and listen to him ramble. If he starts doing this with his companions I don’t think they will be comfortable staying with him as they have no training in dementia. If I lose my ability to get out of the house that will speed up placement. I have come to realize that I am not blessed with a caregiver personality and unlimited patience. I would much rather drive to see him and take him on a walk or a drive and eat lunch with him and then let him join the afternoon activities. I could then go home and take care of the house, yard, bills etc. He is very independent and is happy to sit and take things apart. He doesn’t seem to care if I am even in the room. This is a good thing.

Joydean

Gig I’m wishing the best for you! Take care of yourself.

Quilting brings calm

You’ve made a decision.  You must feel a little less stress and pressure at having done so.  

Please don’t feel guilty or belittle the care you’ve given your spouse.  You’ve been in this group  over six years.  You’ve done quite a bit.  You deserve to have a life too 

toolbeltexpert

Gig your a great caregiver. I agree and was writing the same that QBC has written. I literally had written almost word for word. I am praying for ya.

jmlarue

I'm standing on the threshold of the same move. I know it's hard to pull the trigger, but I imagine you're feeling some relief seeing that light at the end of this tunnel now. My DH is still solidly grounded here at home and would definitely be a behavioral problem if I had to move him just yet. I do need to get him on the waiting list for a couple of the VA Soldier's Homes soon though. I'm told that the wait for a bed can be overly long. New admissions were largely suspended through most of the past 2 years due to Covid. They are just now starting to work their way though the backlog. I'm hoping for Port Orchard down in your neck of the woods. Sending blessings for both you and your DH. Hope the transition is easy for both of you.

Joe C.

Gig, I certainly know how difficult making this decision is but it is a good first step. You can still change your mind but if you have place if things become to challenging. I hope for the best for you as you move forward.

Beachfan

Dear GH,

As you may recall, I have been in your shoes.  Last summer, in my mind, I set the date of May 1st for placement.  (I had been back and forth with a MCF for two years, agonizing.) In October, I decided to give a 30 day respite a trial; the kids ganged up on me and DH was permanently placed on Nov. 12.  I visit hime once a week, help with his lunch, take him for a stroll and settle him for the afternoon activities, toward which he is totally apathetic.  He does not know me, does not know where he is; his advanced progression makes him a favorite among the caregivers.  He eats well, goes with whomever is leading him to wherever they want him to go, he doesn’t give anyone any trouble.  It’s all very sad, given what was and what was meant to be in our lives.  However, our “life” as imagined, is over and I am slowly accepting that.  

But I am living again.  Enjoying the kids and grandkids, just doing everyday activities, gearing up to return to the ‘shore this summer, all things that have been on the back burner for so long.  I wish you well with your decision.  You can always rescind, but at least you have a light at the end of the tunnel, having started the process.  I am thinking of you with a heavy heart, but with best wishes.  Stay strong. 

Ed1937

Gig, I applaud you for making the decision. I know it's the hardest thing you ever did.