THC not working

Gig Harbor

My husband is fixated on fixing something. He has been watching Andy Griffith and thinks they are working with him. He just took off out of the house and I caught him three houses down and luckily he agreed to come back. He is old but he is strong and if he had wanted to keep going I couldn’t have stopped him. I don’t think I can do this. I don’t know how you all do it. My daughter lives 90 min away and works full time. I have help during the day but it means I leave the house. I have things to do here and I want to stay home. I don’t want to call friends each time he gets like this. I know many of you have it so much worse and I feel like a failure for wanting to place him. Maybe I will make dinner and take him for a drive. This disease sucks. Now that he can’t follow TV there is nothing left to entertain him. 

Quilting brings calm

I don’t know how any of you do it.  I’m so freaking miserable and depressed  right now that I can’t stand it.  And I don’t live with my PWDs.  

Now back to your issue.  It sounds like he is sundowning.  Do you have some medication to give him… or is that a no-no on the same night  you’ve given him the gummies? I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. And  there is no shame at admitting that you need a staff to care for him and a locked facility. You have to put your own oxygen mask on first. 

M1

Gig, you're not a failure.  Believe me, I understand the feelings, I am second-guessing our MC placement every day right now.  But honestly, I don't know what I could have done differently.  I tried to get help here and couldn't (and knowing her, she wouldn't have cooperated with that any better than she is cooperating now)--couldn't find anyone,  much less anyone vaccinated, and she very likely would have run them off.  She still doesn't think there's anything wrong with her.  

Do what you have to do.

ImMaggieMae

Gig, I certainly understand. I’m going through it too. I don’t think my DH really follows the storyline on TV shows because I don’t think his memory is good enough anymore. But he has a couple streaming series that he will watch over and over during the day when he doesn’t have anything else to do. Probably because he remembers the characters. He also watches about 3 hours of series or movies with my sister and I every night and seems to be interested. I think it may be because we’ve been doing this every night after dinner since Covid began and it’s become kind of a ritual. He sits quietly most of the time. Occasionally there will be a show he doesn’t like, but for the most part he’s fine. I don’t know what we would do if he didn’t want to do that anymore. It’s an escape for us as much as for him. 

Wouldn’t it be nice if all of us here lived on the same block, in close proximity to each other and could visit, commiserate or help each other during tense times?

Stuck in the middle

I saw an interview with an actress who has MS.  She said seeking caregiving was not giving up, it was seeking to live your best life.  I would take it a step further and suggest seeking help with caregiving was not giving up, and you are not a failure.

toolbeltexpert

Gig I am sorry to hear that didn't  work, I was very hopeful that it would.  ImMaggieMae I had the same thoughts about how it would be helpful if everyone lived closer. Guess that's why the call them NH.

Joydean

Gig, stop beating yourself up! You are NOT a failure, you are a wonderful caregiver, and your hands are so very full. You are tired. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. You have been doing this a long time. Take a few deep breath’s and give yourself a break.

jmlarue

Boy, I sure understand the turmoil you're going through. We've had a awful, no good, very bad day here too. Did you try a lower dose of the THC to eliminate the intoxication effects? Maybe you need to give him a little more gummie. Anything to get him settled down until you can get placement. I sure do feel for you. I hope you're able to get a bed for him sooner than Fall. I can see you hanging by your fingernails. Not good.

Joe C.

Gig, You are not a failure for wanting to place your husband. I don’t think many people (if any) are built to face the stress & strains of caring for someone with dementia on a 24/7 basis. If you keep pushing till you burn out you will be no help to husband and putting yourself at risk. This is a tough decision for all caregivers but placement can be the best decision for everyone.

Marie58

Gig, I'm sorry this is so hard. You have been doing this a loooong time and have done a great job. Placement is not failure. You matter too. But I know how you feel. I felt like I should have been able to keep DH home longer than I did. I'm relatively young and in good health. And he was 'easy' compared to some PWD. But I was sleep deprived which just added to the stress of 24/7. He didn't sleep much so I didn't either. He couldn't do anything on his own so I did everything. He was starting to have falls and I couldn't lift him by myself. I didn't have a life other than caregiving, and when I tried to do 'normal' things like have the grandkids over, I was so stressed and impatient I didn't recognize myself. If I recall correctly, your DH is on a waiting list for MC. I pray an opening happens at just the right time and that you have the strength to endure until then. Don't second guess yourself. You matter too and he'll also be safer in MC. Blessings to you both.

Buggsroo

Please don’t think you are a failure because you want to place your husband. I think you do an amazing job, this disease makes us second guess our own reality and it is horrible.

I worked four days this week, besides dealing with my husband. I was very tired, very irritated and thought maybe I could drop him off somewhere. But then my saner self kicked in. My mother told me during a moan session that she felt I was working two full time jobs. That resonated. All I can say is that if you feel it is time to place him, then it is time. Remember we are only human and this disease sucks. 

Gig Harbor

He was very agitated at lunch and kept taking laces out of shoes. I need to order more because once the hard plastic end is broken off you can’t push the lace thru an opening. I gave him a gummie and then suggested a car ride. He finally agreed and talked nonstop for two hours but he wasn’t agitated. This is when I second guess myself and say I can keep him home. I just don’t think his caregivers would want to be with him on his bad days because they really have no training and I need to be able to have time for myself. I am also worried that he will take off when agitated and I would not be able to catch him. I feel guilty for wanting a life and I know I shouldn’t. Monday will be decision day if the memory care has an open bed. They will want to do an assessment and they would like me to bring him up there. I will tell him it is a doctor’s appointment. I worry that he is not as far along as I think he is and that he will be bored and sad.

Pat6177

Gig, One of the many things I’ve learned reading this forum is that each caregiver has a point when they say, “It’s time”. There is no set formula for knowing when it is time. You can say “it’s been x # of years so now it’s time”. Or, “PWD is a stage xyz so it’s time”. It is very individual in each case. And the only one who knows when it is the right time is the caregiver. When your gut says it’s time, then it’s time. No need to justify or defend the decision, to yourself or anyone else. And just about every caregiver has doubts but just keep trusting your gut. So keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can choose to change your mind at any step of the process. You can choose to do a respite stay to see how it goes. You can even bring him home after you’ve placed him if you think that’s best. Hang in there, it’s not easy.

toolbeltexpert

Gig I get it. Today has been the roller coaster revenge. Dw had a catastrophic reaction to something that happened at church.  Started by throwing things as soon as we walked in the door, then the screaming, cussing, she almost threw her alarm clock, but thought better, then she went over to the window and acted like she was going to break it out. She started punching her legs and I restrained her for a moment. Of course I blew it by reacting and that never goes well, I guess i don't have that merit badge yet. sorry I ranted. I thought about the shoe laces, I have taken scotch tape and wrapped the lace and I use scissors to trim the end. Well she just asked me to help her with setting the washer and showed me her thigh and she said, I did a no no. She knew she hit her thigh but not the reason why and of course wanted a hug. Now I think I can do this. Sorry for your troubles.

Joydean

Gig I hope this day gets better for you and your DH. I was going to suggest the tape on the end of shoe strings as toolbelt mentioned. I have used the paper tape also. DH can’t tie shoes and more so I just get him slip ons. 

Please take care of yourself! 

jmlarue

I understand the torment you're going through. I second-guess my assessment of DH's condition every single day. Presumably, if a bed is open and your DH is accepted, his actual move to the facility will not happen immediately. Perhaps, you could institute a Plan B to try to save your sanity:

THC Gummies - So long as the gummies are providing some relief, without adverse effect, you might consider using it more frequently. Perhaps a chat with the folks at the dispensary about the feasibility of giving a gummie 3x a day would help to keep your DHs agitation at bay throughout his day. I'm pretty sure that folks with chronic pain or PTSD sufferers aren't using gummies strictly on an "as needed" basis and are more likely using it prophylactically throughout the day. This might solve the issue about a caregiver not able to handle the agitation.

Mr. Fixit - would your DH accept a small fixit station set up - an old desk covered in felt or carpet with a few small hand tools - where he can be redirected whenever he starts seeking a project? It might require a little thrift store shopping to keep a supply of old clocks or toys to dismantle. You can find small plastic bins and magnetic dishes to hold small part at the Dollar Store. When it becomes a mess, sweep it all into wastebasket and let him start over.'

BTW - if it was me, DH would get a gummie an hour before he's due for assessment. You sure don't want him agitated or angry during the appointment.