Examples of counseling support?

storycrafter

For those of you who see counselors, how do you utilize the time with them? Would you be willing to share some examples of what you talk about, and also how it helps you?

I recently started to see a counselor thinking to process grief, loss, acceptance, etc. I wonder if I'm expecting too much because so far I just mostly feel ambivalence, shame, sadness. We've only met a couple times so just getting to know each other. How long did it take you to feel benefits from counseling?

Thank you!

Ed1937

I have not seen a counselor, but one of our sons has seen several through the years. I went to quite a few sessions with him. Some counselors never worked well for him, but two others were great. One of those moved out of state, but the other is still available for him. The two that worked well for him seemed to make him feel better within the first few sessions. Some counselors are great, others not so much.

Crushed

I have a fantastic therapist a LCSW.  She specializes in dementia spouses. It took about 10 sessions to really overcome my thick skull

Her constant refrain is this is a horrible situation and everything awful you feel is normal 

She works with me through all the ambivalence I feel,  she helped me see that the woman I married 47 years ago is simply gone.  She helped me focus on the happy memories, the accomplishments and creating a future for myself.  She helped me realize  that I did not give DW the disease nor did I ignore it or her decline.  I feel no guilt whatever .   

We had a very complex marital relationship.  As our kids say Mom and Dad were both weird but they fit together really well

 
 

jfkoc

Ah, it's the fit. When the parts actually make the whole the loss of 1/2 is tremendous for oh so many reasons.d

Therepy? Some are a lot better than others. I think time seen for benefit is relative to that.  Of course it also depends on the thickness of your skull...lol

Stuck in the middle

Serenity comes from the courage to change the things you can, the patience to accept the things you cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.  A good therapist can help you know the difference.

If I ever see another counselor, I will talk about my feelings of "ambivalence, shame, sadness" and any other emotions that stress me.  With any luck, the counselor can help you find ways to cope.

Best wishes.

Pathfinder52

Storycrafter --

I'm a nationally certified Health & Wellness Coach to other caregivers and I know we'll work well together when I can see them willing to move past their "story" of being a caregiver and envision the possibility that what needs to change is THEM, not their circumstances.

You know me (remember me?) DH has Alz. and we've been at this for nearly a decade now. It never gets easy but the one who's changed the most through this whole journey is ME.

Coaching is not about being the expert who tells clients how to live their lives -- I ask questions in an effort to help them find their choices (agency) and align their choices with their values.

When those are aligned, we can rest more easily with our decisions (for self and loved one), find joy, express gratitude and expand our possibilities beyond our wildest imaginations.

Wishing you all the best.

--pathfinder (AKA Paula)

GothicGremlin

I started seeing a therapist not long after my sister was diagnosed with early onset AD. The therapist I chose had previously been a social worker who worked with caregivers who had loved ones who had Alzheimer's. In the beginning I was petrified because I knew absolutely nothing about Alzheimer's, and had never encountered anyone who had it.

Early on she gave me a lot of resources because that's what I really needed back then, so I feel like I benefited from her right away. She was the one who pointed me to this site.

The most valuable thing she ever said to me was to do the things I can to make Peggy's life as enjoyable as possible now, while she has the ability to enjoy it. Stay within your financial resources but focus on the now, not the later when (if) she moves to a nursing home. So that's been my game plan.

My therapist was the one who guided me through planning a "vacation" with Peggy back when she was still in early stage 5. Peggy's bucket list item was to go to Italy/Sicily (my family is Sicilian). I had no idea how to accomplish international travel with someone with AD. My therapist said the best way to do it was as a cruise, so that Peggy could make a mini-routine, and be in the same room every night. It was rough, I won't lie, but we got through it. The huge benefit of going was that it's still a good, (and vivid) memory for her. She still talks about it and how much she loved going there. I gave her a scrapbook with photos from the trip, and we go through it periodically.

Once Peggy reached later stage 5 and now later stage 6, I use my time for validation and tactics. Sometimes I just need to know that I'm on the right track. We talked extensively about memory care, the pros and cons of it, whether that move would be good for Peggy (and me), and how to make the move less traumatizing for her.

I prep for sessions so that I can make maximum use of my time with her. I write down a list of bullet items that I want to cover, as well as any questions I may have.

We've covered a few emotional issues, like guilt and sadness, but those are still rare topics right now. Once Peggy moves into stage 7, I'm sure my sessions will shift from validation and tactics to where I am emotionally.

Overall, I think the biggest thing I get from my therapist is peace. I may not like what's happening, or the decisions I have to make, but at least I'm at peace knowing that I've done the best I can under the circumstances.

TheMonck

I feel I need to see a counselor but unsure.I'm not one that opens up easily.

DrinaJGB

I went down that road for about 2 years. Mostly it was frustrating. All she kept saying was I needed to take care of myself. How in the hell can you do that when you have so many balls in the air?

  She also was always glued to her phone. Constantly looking at it and checking texts---asking me if I "minded" if she responded to a text, etc. She would periodically start to complain about her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend. It was insane!

  I found it to be rather useless overall and I stopped during the covid lock down and never returned. I don't need someone to tell me to go get a massage---when I don;t even want to be touched by my husband much less a complete stranger. Waste of time and money.

Joe C.

I have seen a therapist over 4 years and it works for me. When I started I used the sessions as a “safe space” where I could discuss everything that I was not ready to talk to friends & family about; my feelings about DW’s dementia, what was REALLY going on at home, my depressed outlook of my future, etc. It gave me a place to unload with no judgement and prepared me for the conversations that where to come with friends & family. I never had expectations that the therapists would have answers for me rather I viewed her has a confidant/guide that would help me find my own answers. Two years ago I asked my stepdaughter to come to counseling with me and it help both of us make decisions together about what was the best care for DW. Now that DW has been placed the therapist works with me on rebuilding my life and helps hold me accountable for the steps I need to take.

Crushed

DrinaJGB wrote:

  She also was always glued to her phone. Constantly looking at it and checking texts---asking me if I "minded" if she responded to a text, etc. She would periodically start to complain about her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend. It was insane!

That is a quack not a therapist

however just for humor

Many year ago my father was getting a proctoscoping in the Drs Office.  It was a surgeon operating on one of his patients calling from the operating room.  they sorted out themedical issue and he hung up and apologized to my dad.  My father said no problem that's a medical emergency   But if that had been your stockbroker .........