I can’t stand to see this.

Paris20

My husband, who is near stage 6 in AD, and had a stroke a couple of weeks ago,is in abysmal shape. He cannot respond to PT and will remain paralyzed on his right side until the day he dies. This week he is going to be moved to a nice facility, if there is such a thing, but I am finding myself increasingly unable to spend more than a couple of hours each day watching the degradation. He still knows me, he’s still oblivious to the AD, and he forgets the paralysis so he must be monitored always. He will not eat unless my daughters or I are there. 

My children are leaving for their respective homes next week. They have been marvelous but they must return to their own lives, their own families. I cannot be with DH 24/7, which is what he wants. I walk out of his hospital rehab room in tears because of what he has become, the indignity of it. My daughters feel the same way. My dog, who is dying of cancer, will be treated with more dignity and more humanity than my husband. It breaks my heart.

toolbeltexpert

Paris I have no words that can help your broken heart, this disease just steals everything. I keep you and dh in my prayers.

Gig Harbor

I am so sorry for you. That is so awful to watch someone die a slow death. Hopefully he will develop a trusting relationship with a caregiver and will let them feed him. You just can’t do it all.

Ed1937

Paris, I'm so sorry. If there were only something we could say or do for you.....

ButterflyWings

Paris - heartbreaking. We are thinking of you both at this very sad time. Prayers for his comfort and yours, as this runs its course. I wish there was some way to help you through this.

ImMaggieMae

Paris, my heart is breaking for both of you. I wish there was something I could say or do that would make this different. Just know that you have a lot of people praying for you and your dear husband.

Faith,Hope,Love

So sorry to hear you have to go thru this.  This is such a horrible disease.  It steals their lives and ours.  I will keep you and hubby in my prayers.

Joydean

Paris, as all the others have said, I’m so sorry. Wish there was something I could do. Sending prayers is the best any of us can even offer. You have some fantastic daughters and I am so happy they have been there for you both. Know that we are all thinking of you and your dear partner.

Pathfinder52

Dear Paris --

As you write, "I cannot be with DH 24/7, which is what he wants." -- that makes perfect sense.

• He is safe (even if he decides not to eat when you're not around)
• He is receiving care & attention (PT/OT)
• He is under supervision

What CAN you do? 

Can you set a boundary around being with him (an hour every other day? an hour a week?)

Can you use your time there to stay focused on what he CAN do, rather than his deterioration?

Can you use this time to practice intensive SELF CARE and ask yourself the hard questions about whether now is the time to let someone else manage his care, permanently?

Don't sit in blame and self-reproach.

Do what you CAN and be at peace with that!

Wishing you all the best,

--p

Beachfan

Dear Paris,

I am very sorry for what’s happening to you and your DH.  I can only offer prayers to you and hope that the situation gets better. But I agree with Pathfinder’s suggestions.  Obviously, you can’t fix DH, but what you can do for yourself might make a positive difference. You are blessed to have such caring children.  Best wishes.

White Crane

Paris, what you describe is indeed heartbreaking.  My heart goes out to both you and your DH.  Sending warm hugs and prayers.