Finally made an appointment.

toolbeltexpert

I finally said my dw needs more help than she's been getting. I don't have any others coming, no family, so I am it.. I made an appointment to get the ball rolling with a pcp to start. Yesterday she lost it and so did I. She ended up beating her leg black and blue. I worry that she could get a blood clot from a leg vein. She has a very low heart rate 45 to 50bpm which I think could contribute to that. I just got the date June 2. I have really dragged my feet cause she's so resistant to going. I haven't told her and hope to have a good fib for that day.  She's had a small knot show up on her neck and it hasn't  gone away so if it's still there in June that's my goto reason. I have been saying she needs to get it checked and she doesn't argue with me. I hate when I contribute to her attitude by not leaving my emotions out of it. I really thought that she was gonna break a window out yesterday. One of my biggest helps is everyone here who made the steps and knows what I am going thru. My dw long term is slowly desolving. The other day she asked who my mother was, I responded and she said, that's funny I know someone "me" whose mother has the same name. Last night she conflated a story of how here leg got b and b. Sorry I rambled around a bit.

Bob in LW

TB-

I don't think that you are rambling at all.  By describing your experiences, you are helping others on this board to know what to expect down the line, and to recognize some of the signs that relate to their own situation.  It is obvious that you have done all that you can to help your DW by yourself, and you are taking the next step out of your love and concern for her.

jmlarue

Hoping you find an ally in the PCP. Your DW really needs something to calm her when she starts to run off the rails. Since Cannabis doesn't seem a viable option for you, please impress on the doctor how vital an issue this is and you need immediate help with it. That last incident could have been much worse than bruised thighs. Don't blame yourself for reacting the way you did. You are not superhuman. When our adrenaline kicks in, the "fight or flight" instincts take over. We can Monday-morning quarterback how we handled the situation poorly and vow to do better next time, but keeping our cool in the midst of a crisis like this can literally be impossible.

Joydean

TB sorry you both had a bad weekend! Glad you decided to get her in to see a doctor. I know how hard doing that is. None of us can go 24/7 all the time. You know she needs some help and that’s why they have doctors. You can do this and when you get some help for your dear wife it will be some easier. Prayers for you both!

Scooterr

toolbelt don't be hard on yourself and you definitely was not rambling.  We are only human and we can only do so much  Trying to do what our LO's want at the same time can be extremely difficult. Your just a good husband doing the best he can while going through this hell. I know it wears on you mentally and physically.  I hope your PCP works out and you get the much needed help. Praying for you and your DW.

Ed1937

I've never lost it with my wife (yeah, right!!). If you didn't lose it, you would have been very lucky.

I'm sorry it has gotten to this point, and I know the struggle you're having with placing her. It's no fun, but when the decision is made either way, stress takes a dive. Sending good thoughyts and prayers your way, friend.

Jeff86

One of the lessons I’ve had to learn as a caregiver is the need for help, and to accept and even seek out help.  AD is relentless and the challenges are both large and ever-changing.  I’m glad you’re getting your DW to the doctor.

60 falcon

TB, I can relate to it.

Three or four months ago I was actively trying to place my wife.  Her delusions and hallucinations and agitation were driving me past my limit.  I was going nuts, losing my patience and getting flat out angry, super stressed, and overly frustrated.  I was ready to just run away.  We were both miserable.  I would've been happy if I had a heart attack or died in an accident.  It's a long story, but after months of waiting that resulted in me filing a formal grievance against our health care provider, I was able to have my wife seen by a neurologist who specializes in AD.  We're now better managing her meds by getting her off some of her current ones and starting Seroquel.  It's a process that going to take a while longer but things are generally moving in the right direction.  Caring for my wife is much less stressful now and hopefully some of her disturbing behaviors continue to be better managed.  Now, I think I can continue to care for her a while longer. 

I only mention that because maybe you'll find the right doctor to better manage some of your wife's behaviors too.? Or maybe you'll find an acceptable place for her.  Either way, wish you the best.  Nothing about any of this is easy.

Hoot619

At the start of DW illness I handled it fairly well, Now it is a lot different. I have a hell of a time keeping my cool. Be glad when I get a place for her and in the process now.

  24 7 is way too much for any of us but many are doing it. So far DW is not violent yet but her language is something else.    It's like being in a row boat with one oar and the oar is fastened to one oar lock. Darn hard to control.

     Can't control people places or things, trying to control myself in these situations is hard enough.   I said trying!   We all are doing our best and I imagine they with what they have are trying too. It's got to be hell for them also.

Iris L.

PWDs need to live in a bubble.  Decrease the amount of words you are saying to her.  Keep her world consistent, like in Groundhog Day..

Iris