How to handle not going home?

Janie9

 Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer in Jan 2022 at the same time Mom was diagnosed with Dementia.

Dad had two stokes and was placed in the hospital for over a week, the doctors told my husband that because of Mom’s dementia they could not go home to live without assistance, due to Dad’s fall risk and Alzheimer’s. 

We did not want to split the parents up, so we brought them home with us. The parents moved in with us and our handicapped child who is wheelchair bound with autism.

The physical therapist came by today and told Dad that the was much better and could go home and that he was finished with therapy.  Mom was so happy, that she got Dad to confront my husband, about moving back home. My husband told them that the therapist had no idea of his condition as a whole and should never had told them they could go home.  Mom got very quiet and upset that she went to the bedroom and stayed the rest of the day.

We do not have the money to hire someone to go to their home and assist them.

Anyone has any suggestion on how to handle this?

sandwichone123

I've heard of families telling parents that their house is being renovated or some other "temporary" but long-term process is underway. It seems to help some PWD if the current situation is "temporary" even though it goes on for a long time. My dh still has a good grasp of time so I don't think that would work for him, but it has worked for others.

Janie9

Thanks for the help, I know me and my husband have a lot to learn.

sandwichone123

Keep reading. You can also use the "search" button to find literally hundreds of other posts where someone else has dealt with the same or similar issue.

Fairyland

If you have time, I would give some feedback to that physical therapist.  

“Getting you home”, “keeping you at home”, and “going home” were the constant refrain used by PT to motivate my dad to do his exercises at his NH. There was no thought given to the notion that his frail wife was no longer to care for him at home, even if he could, for example, begin again to stand up long enough to shave. 

No one in the family thought he should go back to his home, but were not consulted on this ultimate goal, so frequently expressed to him.

He passed away anyway before being able to return home.

I heard it said to my mom too after her stroke, when I was trying to get her to move to AL, not keep her alone at home! So it was annoying. 

I’m not sure how much difference it makes to tell them, I think it’s part of their training. They are thinking about motivating the patient, not the big picture.

Janie9

I actually called the therapist and told her, how she effected the family with just a few words and that I was not upset at her. This was learning situation that we could both improve on. 

Sold01

Call the agency for aging in your state. They will provide resources