accusations(2)

caberr

I know this has been addressed in the past but DH is in late moderate AD.  He has been accusing me of having an affair with more than one man.  I try to reason with him but I know that doesn't work.  Today he (the disease)  told me he hated me.  I finally told him I'm sorry and I don't want to talk about it anymore.  

He had a dr appointment today with pcp.  His health is fine.  He was poking around his belly and ribs asking if anything hurt.  DH said no.  Then we get outside and he says his ribs in the front hurt.  When we got home his back hurt and that was because I hit him with a stick last night!  Really?  He told his caregiver when she got here.  TG she knew it wasn't true.

He is on trazadone at night and when needed during the day.  I gave it to him this am and he did settle down but still thinks I did these things.  Where do they even come up with these ideas?  I am not sure how to handle.  BTW we have been faithfully married 50 years!  

jmlarue

Whatever the experts call this - hallucinations? delusions? - it's a misery for the caregiver. There just doesn't seem to be any pat answers on how to deal with it. With my DH, I think I've pretty well narrowed down the source of these wild imaginings to vivid dreams. I asked his geri-psych if it was possible that some of these dreams could be happening even though he appears to be awake, yet staring off into space (much like a child daydreaming in their 5th grade math class?) She gave me the pat, noncommittal answer, "Anything is possible..." More and more, I'm noticing these aberrant thoughts cropping up when I leave him alone to watch mindless TV or listening to music. How do we convince the PWD that we're not having an affair or plotting their downfall? Don't ask me...I don't have a clue. Distraction is the only weapon at my disposal, so it's become my go to. I don't protest, argue, or try to reason. It's futile. Following Teepa Snow's advice, I preface every distraction with the attention-grabber, "Hey! I was wondering...would you like to take a ride? Go for a walk? Are you ready to eat? etc. etc. It's no guarantee that he won't revisit the same accusation at some point, but it does interrupt him and prevents the agitation from ramping up at that moment in time. Rinse and repeat on the distraction tactic.

M1

caberr, the spousal suspicions are so hurtful, I'm sorry.  I'm struck that I think they are a pretty common part of the disease.  In the week before hospitalization my partner told two friends I had left her (I was sitting right there)--and then since in MC she has told other friends and me that I have abandoned her and must be with someone else.  Not specifically sexual, but implied.  There are so many interesting facets and commonalities to what goes on with the brain damage, but that doesn't help with coping with it.  All we can do is talk to each other.

joytoy

my boyfriend whom ive taken care of now with vas. demential for 4 yrs. constantly accuses me of having affairs.  at first it was just incinuations now its full blown sex with several men.  there is no distracting him when he starts this and it will go on for hours sometimes and even sometimes days on end.  I usually end up blowing up cause I can take only so much.  Hard to believe I even put up with this crap but there isnt anyone else to take my place.  and yes I know it is the disease but that doesnt make it any easier.

Ernie123

Caberr: I have had experience dealing with my DW’s delusions and paranoia for four years now and perhaps my sharing can be of help. We have been married 54 years. She now lives in memory care and is well into Stage 6. When her delusions first started I was quite overwhelmed and had no idea what to do. All PWD are different and unfortunately my DW’s delusions worsened and eventually led to her being placed in care two and a half years ago. During her final months at home with me she often wouldn’t recognize me, think I was an intruder and try and force me to leave the house which, in her mind, was her parent’s home. Her upsets became  violent and her psychiatrist said that was a red flag and I could not continue as sole caregiver as she might pick up a knife or other object and injure me.

Subsequently on a more positive note her psychiatrist tried different antipsychotics and eventually she was able to live a calmer life without severe upset. She still occasionally has unusual paranoid and delusional thoughts but the extreme emotional upsets are diminished. It is important to have a good geriatric psychiatrist who has experience with dementia patients and a good team of caregivers monitoring any behavior changes. Just recently her agitation and paranoia was increasing, her meds were adjusted twice over a few weeks and now she is back to a calmer and happier state of mind. I know there are some people who say antipsychotic meds should not be used for dementia issues but in our experience they have been a life saver giving her a much better quality of life. Perhaps an assessment by a geriatrician or geriatric psychiatrist  would be useful for your DH. His condition is only going to progress and if he is showing signs of paranoia I would suggest establishing that link to a specialist sooner than later. Don’t wait for a crisis.