Need Help in Austin, TX

OliveOyle

Hello..I am new to this forum and am in need of some guidance.  My mother was diagnosed with dementia 3-5 years ago.  She has had very mild symptoms - forgetting someone she just met, repeating stories - until a few months ago.  She declined very rapidly and is now forgetting my father, the death of her parents, her age.  The biggest problem is getting her to take her medicine.  She forgets, claims we are trying to do her in, and has even tried to call the police.  I am looking for someone trustworthy and familiar with dementia to come by a few times a week to help us make sure she is taking her medication - I don't think we are at the point where hospice or more extensive home care is needed.  I am clueless on where to go to find the help we need or what our options are.  My mother is in north Austin, TX.  I appreciate any recommendations, resources, or advice.

M1

Welcome to the forum Olive.

I'm sure others here will chime in, but if you're to the point of not being sure she can take her medications, I would bet my bottom dollar you are likely underestimating the amount of help your mom needs---most of us here tend to do that.  There is probably nothing short of full-time, direct, daily medication supervision--here are your pills mom---that is going to make sure she gets her medications regularly.  

If you're not familiar with it, you may want to google Tam Cummings' stages of dementia--it's a good framework for estimating where you mom is on the spectrum of illness.

I take it you live nearby but not with her?  Do you have siblings also involved (I noticed you said "we")?  One suggestion would be to go stay with her for a few days--you can make up some excuse if you have to, like your house is being painted, water main break, whatever it takes--so you can really see what her day to day is like.  Finances, meds, cooking, driving, susceptibility to phone scams--these are all big issues that you need a handle on.  Power of attorney, too,  durable and for health care, if you don't already have it.

Good luck, there are lots of very kind and very knowledgable folks here who can help you learn what the issues are and will be.

sandwichone123

Sometimes it's worth it to ask whether making her take medicine is worth it. If taking it is decreasing her quality of life now, and it's not going to make her life better in the future, you might want to rethink making her take it.

ButterflyWings

Welcome OliveOyle, to the group we wish we did not need to belong to. Dementia is tough, tricky, and relentless. 

I agree 100% with what M1 said. Please take time out ASAP to see for yourself how mom is truly functioning during a 3 or 4 day period, just observing closely around the clock. PWDs are usually unable to detect their own deficits, even if they remember some things—these brain diseases are more than just memory loss (I did not know that when AD first hit us). The judgement changes can cause even bigger problems than forgetting meds or leaving the burner or water on (though either can be disastrous!) They just aren’t reliable reporters of what’s really happening (or going truly wrong). It’s called anosognosia.

Here is one of the guides to where she may be, on the dementia progression scale which could easily be stage 4 from your description. That’s the point I was told by DHs Dr that he should absolutely not be left alone. About as reliable as a 12+ year old. No longer a safely responsible adult, and headed downhill from there.

I’m sorry this is happening to your family. We understand. Please know that it is very easy to overestimate their level of functioning and can be very dangerous- physically, financially and so forth to leave our PWD LOs in charge. Good luck in getting DPOA (for decisions) and caregiving support worked out. Sooner than later is best. 

 https://tamcummings.com/stages-of-dementia/

Joydean

OliveOyle, hi. I noticed in your profile that your dad is primary caregiver for your mom. Does your dad notice all the changes going on with your mom? I’m glad you are trying to help your dad with your mom. Does your dad have all the legal papers, dpoa,medical poa? These are very important for him to have. I can only suggest that you read all you can about dementia/Alzheimer’s. You have been given some very good advice here already and others will join in. Read as many post on this forum you can. I know for me I have learned more here than I have from my DH doctors and the many books I have read. Best of luck to you and your family.

Stephane

HI

Am actually in search of a stable job

In case you will find it necessary , am willing to work as her caregiver

Am 21 yrs old African origin

We  can arrange for a long-term

providing care and assistance

Am OK with elderly women

I am sure I will he able to be by her side and provide care and attention

Am ready to relocate, if accommodation is available, room and feeding

contact me ( [email protected] )

OliveOyle

Thank you all for the responses.  I tried to keep my initial post short and most likely left out important details.  My father and mother have been married 60 years and they still live together in their home.  I live about 30 minutes away.  My father is with my mother 24/7 and I go by several times a week to give him breaks. 

I would say my mom is in Stage 4, moving into Stage 5.  She does not remember who my dad is but always remembers me.  She is 80 years old, thinks she is around 50, but also knows that I am 45.  In the past few months she has started showing paranoia - someone is trying to steal her money, someone is taking her medicine or trying to kill her with the medicine.  The paranoia is leading to angry outbursts, primarily targeted at my dad.  So far I am always able to calm her down.  I make frequent "emergency" trips to their home.  She still showers every day, cooks meals, is very mobile, keeps the house clean, and communicates clearly.  Her Dr did an evaluation of her a couple weeks ago and she came back at the moderate dementia level.

I have an older brother, but he is of no help.  The only time he contacts my parents is when he needs money.  My brother has the same name as my father, so perhaps the "stealing my money" issue directed at my dad is actually meant for my brother.  But who knows, this disease is impossible to understand.

As far as the medicine, my mother has diabetes and heart failure.  Not taking her medicine regularly will have severe, fatal consequences.   My dad tries to manage it, but since she doesn't recognize him she doesn't trust him.  When I am face-to-face with her she will trust me, but I cannot be there every morning and evening.

One last bit of information adding to the complexity of the situation, my dad has an aneurysm in his upper thigh.  Excessive stress could eventually cause it to rupture.  So, I am trying to balance my mom's needs and dad's needs. 

M1

Thanks for the additional information.  You certainly have a lot on your plate.  The paranoia can maybe be managed with additional medications for a while--does she have a good doc that you trust?  Hope you have POA for both of them, sounds like you need it. Very difficult to convince them to make a move/accept more help, but sounds like it's very necessary.

OliveOyle

She has an excellent doctor that I trust.  I go with both my parents to their doctors appointments.  Her doctor recently added medication to help with her anxiety, depression, and paranoia.  However, since she is refusing to take her medicine most of the time, I cannot tell if it is helping..

SusanB-dil

Hi OliveO - welcome to 'here'... where we wish we didn't need to be...

Unfortunately, she may be farther along than she may appear to you at any given time.  She may not recognize your dad because he 'looks older' than she is remembering him to be. She thinks she is about 50, so her husband should be, as well.     

One of the biggest issues a lot of us have is getting a LO to take their medicine.  My MIL has anosognosia.  This is not denial, it is the firm belief that nothing is wrong.  So... nothing is wrong, why should I take medicine?!  There is nothing wrong, why do I need a babysitter?! Very often, the paranoia can be part of this disease as well.