just an observation

M1

I posted on care.com yesterday to try to find a part-time companion for my partner.  Not much response yet--two replies, one not vaccinated, and one wanting full-time employment.  But here's the interesting observation---the site has a lot of pages about how to hire, how to plan, etc.  But neither their dementia guide--nor long-term care guide--makes ANY mention of memory care.   They talk about assisted living and nursing homes, and that's it.  Zip.  Weird.

I'm so discouraged right now.  I know it shows in my posts.  Totally bereft and it's not getting better.

Quilting brings calm

M1 - I’m so sorry.    I wish  every dementia  diagnosis was accompanied by assignment to a social worker/ care advocate so that families didn’t have to reinvent the wheel over and over.  Families are so stressed just dealing with the loved one ( whether at home or a facility) that trying to arrange extra care for them is an impossible task to complete. Even without the scarcity of staff available to select

Kenzie56

I feel for you! It is hard when the time comes to admit you need help with your LO...I did find a company and had an aide come twice a week for 4 hr each time...then the first week in May our aide (who was the 4th one - but had stayed the longest at that time) was terminated.  They seem to quit or are terminated for some reason or other which is never discussed with me. I haven't had an aide since then.  The company keeps saying they are looking for the "right fit" for DH. The problem is - I don't know when one will just show up and can't plan appointments, my schedule, etc. This month has been overwhelming. I also think the company has more aides that are trained for elder care and not necessarily for MC. I am so frustrated that MC seems to be overlooked in so many areas. One aide told me she prefers facilities because she can work 12 hr shifts. The company also told me that it is challenging to find one that is trained in MC and fully vaccinated. I think DH has moved to the bottom of their priority list. Good luck to you and let us know if you are successful.

PlentyQuiet

Maybe as a short term solution find a high school student? Many are looking for work experience or unique things to put on college applications. If you find someone near the MC who is willing to visit for a couple of hours 3 - 4 times a week you would at least get your DW a companion for a bit and an extra set of eyes for you. 

The downside is that they are inexperienced in much of life and won't be actively looking for care gaps at MC. But on the plus side it could be sold to your DW as mentoring. For the student they get some money, a job reference, experience, and flexible summer employment that can work around sports etc.,.

You can't do a background check (I think) but they won't be providing care, just conversation. See if an area high school has a job board, or speak with their guidance office. 

It would buy you some time to find a more permanent companion.

Jo C.

Dear M1, I found a wonderful, capable adult female; a lovely person through a local church.  She had in the past been a daytime companion to elderly females.  She was not expensive, and was an absolute treasure who moved at my LOs pace to get acquainted.  She understood enough about dementia to know how to communicate.  I had her visit three afternoons a week.  She started slowly so as not to upset my LO.   When my LO asked who she was, she simply stated she was a "volunteer" at the facility and really enjoyed being and visiting  with my LO.   The activities they did was to go for walks around the grounds and sit on the patio looking at birds and plants; they got coffee together and talked, they did little activities together, looked at magazine pictures that she brought in, and actually attended some of the facility activities together.  She also did many other little things over time, and took my LOs mood and wishes into her approaches.  As said, she was wonderful. 

It ended up my LO looked forward to her visits, stating this was her "friend," and went on to tell me, "She is not YOUR friend, she is mine."  Big smiles internally; could not have worked better and it seemed to be soothing for her.

It may be that contacting churches near your LOs facility and speaking to the Pastors/Priests may provide some good information.  Most churches can take your request and put out an outreach by email to their entire congregation letting them know what you are looking for and you can then assess what seems to be a reasonable fit.

I found this to be far better a person than I found than what was available through agencies as agencies had too many hours needed and also, the agency staff changed too often, and there was not the same "feeling," as agency staff is geared more toward physical care, but that is only my own experience.

Best of wishes on this search, it takes a little time, but it is not an emergency so one can continue to look.  Why not try contacting a few churches.

P.S.   In some facilities, they will not permit any outside hired persons to come in due to risk management issues; sometimes there needs to be a fib that this is a, "cousin," or a "family friend," etc.  You may want to check that out first.

Personally, your LO and situation as well would in all probability be too complex a responsibility for a high school teen to manage on an ongoing basis at this point.  Your LO is a well educated person, a highly experienced business person in construction and she managed all the workers; she is a very, very strong personality, a bit willful from your descriptions, etc.; she will need some finesse with a person with more life experience.  That would also be more likely to ensure longevity of the person's services.  (My opinion based on personal experience.)

jfkoc

It is also possible to find help through the obituaries where caregivers often are thanked.

PlentyQuiet

Jo C. wrote:

Personally, your LO and situation as well would in all probability be too complex a responsibility for a high school teen to manage on an ongoing basis at this point.  Your LO is a well educated person, a highly experienced business person in construction and she managed all the workers; she is a very, very strong personality, a bit willful from your descriptions, etc.; she will need some finesse with a person with more life experience.  That would also be more likely to ensure longevity of the person's services.  (My opinion based on personal experience.)     

I'm so sorry M1, I must have misunderstood what you had been looking for. I read it as companionship for your spouse. Yes, a high school student would not be suited to manage your LO on an ongoing basis. However, the MC I worked at had a vibrant student volunteer program (pre-covid). They were excellent at visiting and having conversations or listening to music together. They provided no care other than companionship for the visit. They also really enjoyed hearing about the lives of the PWD. It was wonderful to see these friendships take root. 

But yes, if you are looking for more than that you will need something else

  

M1

good ideas for the churches and the obits--I used to read them all the time but have let my subscription lapse.  I'll try both.   I agree that I think a HS student would be too young, college maybe not.  There's a couple of local schools I could try.

Joydean

A college student majoring in construction would be a nice companion for your wife. They would have things in common and your wife might like talking to someone who could understand the work she did. Just a thought.

Ed1937

Joydean wrote:

Just a thought.

And a brilliant one! What could be better? Of course an older church member sounds really good too. 

MN Chickadee

Some colleges near me have job boards where the larger community can post ads (either an actual board or online.) You might see if any colleges in your area that have nursing schools, PA schools etc have such a board. It might be a good fit for a college student on the health care track. Lots of people, even young people, have seen a grandparent or relative through dementia and many of us are left wanting to help when we can, who knows maybe there is someone out there who would be a good fit. I would also ask your friends to ask around their contacts. Churches can be a good chain to find caring individuals, even if you aren't a member of a church your network might turn someone up if they ask around.

May flowers

M1, I found a companion for my FIL through Nextdoor - I was able to connect to a retired nurse (40 years) and she was wonderful. Anyway, it might be a place to connect with folks who are retired and looking for some volunteer work. I also loved our county senior resource center, they had volunteers available to sit if needed.