Dear M1

abc123

Thinking of you both! Sending you peace and love.

M1

Thank you so much dear.  Your timing is perfect:  a ray of hope just this minute came in!  I emailed the activities director this morning to tell her how cut off I feel, and this is what came back:  first, she apologized (she is young, I think inexperience plays a role here).  But here's the good news, word for word and remember it's taken six weeks:

She is spending more and more time out of her room.  She now comes out for activities like America's Funniest Videos, music, & bingo.  She sits "back row" meaning she will play from the nurses' station or move her chair to be in the hallway!  She enjoys helping our one care associate Jacki.  She will help push wheelchairs, setting tables, cleaning up, etc.  It kind of feels like she is another staff member at times which we love that!  She still continues to want to use the phone but is becoming more and more easy to redirect!  I feel like she is coming to terms with being here for a while.  She now will say things like "I know I'm going to be here for a little bit."

Finally, finally.  

Jeff86

So, so glad for both of you at this bit of good news!   Hoping she continues to adapt and accept.

toolbeltexpert

M1 it's good to hear about your dw. In my visits to mcf there was one lady I remember, she liked to be a help,and it sounds like your dw, I once heard her say that she needed to be at the mcf. It is slow but sure and I know this is hard on you, but it sounds like a win for your dw. I continue to keep all my companions here in my prayers.

Beachfan

M1,

It’s so nice to hear that she’s “coming around”!  In time, her placement and your ability to become a loved one as opposed to a full tome caregiver will be second nature.  You can push the sad times to the back of your mind.  

On a lighter note, I love watching the residents at DH’s MCF “assist”.  Every time I visit, “Maryann” sits on my right at lunch while I monitor DH’s attempts to continue self feeding on my left. (She likes when I scratch her back and we compare nail polish colors).  Once lunch is over, caregivers pile the cloth napkins and clothing protectors (bibs) in front of her.  She folds and sort the items with precision and stacks them carefully.  After all her diligent work, the caregiver scoops them up and loads them into the washing machine.  Next meal, it starts all over again.  She is a delight. 

M1

Yes very much in her nature to want to be in charge.  It's a glimmer, anyway.  A bit of relief.  The activities director is sweet and willing but young, I don't think she fully realizes how cut off I feel, so this helped.  I also asked to be put in touch with some other family members, so we'll see if anything comes of that.  At least this time it helped to ask for what I need.  And maybe the time will come when I can help another family member, too.

And I have a feeling Jacki is going to be my hero.  Hopefully I'll get to tell her in person soon.

Pam BH

M1, Finally good news!!!  That is absolutely wonderful to hear.

Joe C.

M1, I’m happy you received a positive report, you deserve some good news.

Quilting brings calm

M1-  are you finding it difficult to accomplish anything at home right now?  If so, give yourself time

jmlarue

Just want to add to the chorus of good wishes for both you and your wife. It's a relief to get some positive feedback from the Activities Director after so many negative encounters over these past weeks. It sure sound like you have a plate full with the farm. I surely hope you have or can find an extra pair of hands to help you there. In addition to having the extra help with that deferred maintenance, another person to share the load would also give you some companionship. Find someone of good humor to keep your spirits up.

Joydean

M1 so glad you finally got a little good news! I hope your heart feels some better. By the time you get to go visit you will be able to take some very nice fresh vegetables to the MC! You’ll make more friends there. Just a little bright spot!

ButterflyWings

M1 I am so glad you received the communication requested, and that it was so encouraging! Keep your chin up. Sounds like things are moving in the right direction. Wishing you and your dear partner a smoother path from here forward.

[Deleted User]

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David J

I just want to add my good wishes to those previously expressed. It takes a while for a PWD to settle in, and it takes a while for the caregiver to come to grips. I’ve seen it with my wife and I, and with others at the MCF. Glad things are looking up.

M1

You all are unbelievably important to me, I can't say it enough.  I literally don't think I'd survive it without this group.

I was given the name of another resident's spouse today and have emailed her--we'll see how that pans out.  Meantime I' going to try a FaceTime call with my partner on Wednesday--not sure how that will go, as our satellite internet makes it pretty sketchy.  But we'll try.

I emailed a local art college today to see if there might be an art student who would like some pocket money to go help her paint.  We'll see if that pans out.  The school also has a job board for nursing and social work students, so those may be other options.  And the churches I'll research next week.

And on the farm front, a realtor friend gave me the name of a professional farm manager who manages a lot of property around here (country music people and the like).  He came out on Wednesday, and I think he\his company can be a lot of help.  It'll cost, but some of it has to be done; especially the spillway.  I'm good on the tractor with a three-point hitch to the bush hog, but you get to graders and chain saws, boom spraying and controlled burns, and I'm way out of my league.

So progress, overall.  QBC, I am managing to get some things done--I have to, and I have to not give myself too much downtime or I'll just involute.

I'm going to plant a garden bed with my six-year old granddaughter this week.  Tomatoes, squash, watermelon, beans, sunflowers, morning glories, cosmos.  We should have fun.  That'll be my birthday present to myself (66 on June 1).  Otherwise it could be a lonely day.

I feel better tonight than I did this morning, that's for sure.  

Ed1937

M1, that's some of the best news I've seen on this site! I'm so glad for you (and her). How long has it been since you visited now? Just wondering because I see myself in your position before long.

M1

Ed great minds must think alike, because I just responded to your thread. She's been in  memory care six weeks and I've only had one phone call and three visits. Only one visit- the first one after about ten days- wasn't disastrous. I surely hope you have an easier time of it.

Gig Harbor

When my friend placed her husband he kept asking to come home so she cut down her visits. He has settled in and he is happy with “his people”. He has a lady friend and they hold hands and walk the hallways. Both families are fine with that and are glad they each have a special friend. He is always happy to see her but does not always know who she is. He is safe, clean and happy and that is what is important. Your wife sounds like she is on her way to finding her people and what her place will be in her new surroundings. I wish you both acceptance and contentment with this new step in your life.

JoseyWales

M1, I just wanted to know that I'm thinking of you and your DW. We are in similar yet different places. So many of us that I've followed along with here are placing our spouses with such different results. It makes me so sad that you can't visit with your wife, but at the same time it's what she needs. 

I have almost no communication from the staff at DH's memory care. It's not because it's a bad facility or that care is lacking, it's just that they're busy taking care of the residents. I've now built relationships with several of the staff members and get glimpses into his life when I have friendly chats with them. One of the most insightful discussions was with one of the young people who bring meals to DH's section. She doesn't really interact with DH, but she sees what he does and shared that with me. She was so sweet and you could tell that she really enjoyed being with the residents. That's the feeling I get from all the staff I see on a regular basis. So while I don't know much about what he really does (other than walk around, sit on the ground and pee on the floor), I know he's being taken care of.