Decision made

Gig Harbor

I have made the decision to place my husband and have plans set in motion. He will have an assessment next week and I have no doubt he will be accepted. He will be in a shared room but for now it will be only him in it to give him time to get used to everything. There are three other men in the unit who are active and one may become his roommate if they get along. I thought I would lie awake at night but once the decision was made I slept better than I have in months. If it truly does not work out I will bring him home but I think he will enjoy the activity and company. We watched a movie last night and he asked me if I would be coming back the next night to watch a movie with him. I think he thinks I am one of his caregivers and I leave it at that. When I tried to tell him that I was his wife he became upset so I have stopped doing that. I want him to feel loved and accepted by everyone and in turn enjoy everyone. I no longer feel as though I am drowning and I am starting to look forward to being able to do some of the things in my retirement that he did when he first retired. I still plan to take him for three to four walks a week and at least one drive but know I will be able to do home and yard maintenance without worrying about him being bored and possibly walking away. Time will tell but I have a feeling that this just might be a good thing for both of us.

Pat6177

Congratulations on your decision! It sounds like it has brought you some peace. You’ve been a great caregiver and by saving yourself from drowning, you’ll be able to continue to be a great caregiver, just from a different position. Glad that you have so many things to look forward to!

Joe C.

Gig, I know how difficult it is to reach a decision on placement and I hope all goes smoothly from here. Although more difficult on me, DW’s placement place went without any issues and was definitely the right decision. I wish you the best moving forward.

JoseyWales

Gig, I think you're making a good decision. 

I was surprised by how my DH never asked to go home. Never. Like your DH, he didn't know who I really was anymore, and no longer knew we were married. After he was placed, and I had time to sleep, I realized he was much more compromised than I realized. His transition to his new home was easy for him. Not so much for me, but that's ok.

How far away is the facility that you've picked?

When I visit DH we go for walks outside and I've taken him for a drive a few times. I won't take him for drives anymore, because he no longer understands how to get in and out of the car and shows no interest in looking out the windows. The last time he fell in the car, and I put my arm out so he wouldn't hit his head against the car door. He fell against my arm. I was sore for a week, and I think I was lucky my arm wasn't broken. But he still enjoys walking around outside, even though he takes about 15 steps for every one of mine.

Pam BH

Congratulations on your decision. That's a big hurdle to overcome. You're at peace, so that means it passed your gut check which is the best way to know it's the right decision.  Best of luck to both of you. Sounds like you've got everything in place for him.

billS

Congratulations on taking this huge step. I know it is a hard one but it sounds like your husband's condition left you little choice. I placed my wife four months ago and she has never once asked to come "home" or questioned why she is there. Meanwhile I have my life back minus the pleasure of my wife's company, but her dementia stole that from us a few years ago. I can now get solid sleep, take care of chores, and enjoy our beautiful home and property. I am sad that she cannot also enjoy the home we created over 46 years, but when she was here she did not recognize home. Good luck to you.

Beachfan

Ditto everything that billS posted.  Stay strong and listen to your rational mind.  Your life will be changed, but in a positive way.  More than likely, given time, your DH will adapt and both of you will thrive.   I am at the ‘shore right now, opening the house for summer; first time here without DH.  It is bittersweet, I miss him every day, but I am well aware that I could absolutely, positively get nothing done if he were here.  The level of care and supervision that DH required prior to placement was overwhelming.  I am at peace with my decision; I pray that you will reach this point.  Stay strong.

M1

Fingers crossed for you GH.  Hope it goes smoothly; if he already doesn't recognize you as his wife perhaps it will.

Ed1937

You're right, Gig. Making the decision either way brings the stress level way down. I expect my wife to be placed within the next week or so, but she still knows who I am, and I fear I'll be walking the same path M1 has been on.

ButterflyWings

Gig- I know you must feel relieved to have made a decision. I hope all goes well. You will be able to have more balance in your life and relationship with your LO.  And your LO will have a good care team plus companionship at his level it seems. Good for you.

Buggsroo

Gig harbour,

I applaud your decision. It sounds like you are experiencing peace of mind from having made it. I hope he enjoys his new home and that you get some much needed rest and relaxation. You have always been very supportive of me, I want you to know I appreciate that and I support your decision. I hope the move goes smoothly.

Jeff86

You have been a devoted and thoughtful caregiver, and this decision was clearly made after a great deal of consideration and taking into account what’s best for each of you.

Hoping it goes as smoothly as possible.  

NylaBlue

You’ve sacrificed and cared well for your husband, it’s time for both of you to move on. As others have said, the fact that he no longer recognizes you may make the transition easier.

Joydean

Gig, very happy for you. Just getting a good nights sleep is a blessing. Don’t second guess yourself, you know you have given your all to caregiving for your DH, now it’s time to care for yourself. Best wishes everything goes smoothly. 

Dio

Gig, happy for you! Hope you'll be able to take care of yourself now.

Jo C.

Dear Gig, you have lovingly and caringly gone the extra mile and thensome.  Not an easy decision I would imagine, but one that is the right one at the right time. 
 

May everything go very smoothly and give the both of you the quality to your lives that you so deserve.

 Let us know how you are doing,

 J.