My new life

Buggsroo

Today came down to more turds in sink. I was well rested so just cleaned up everything. Then after everything was sanitized, I made my morning nespresso Columbian and sat with it out on the deck. 

I had ordered a mini fridge from Walmart and it came today. Carried it down the basement and plugged it in. I was over the moon, now my yoghurt, French cheese etc is safe from poo smeared fingers. The husband likes to dip his fingers into cream cheese, yoghurt etc. So the fridge was my salvation. After setting up the fridge, I had a brain wave. 

Why not get a portable toilet chair with bucket and set it up in the kitchen. He uses the sink because the toilet upstairs is a climb and the toilet downstairs is down the basement. I ordered one from Walmart, so I will see how we make out.

 My new life refers to how I have set up the basement, like a bachelor apartment. Down there I watch TV, watch French TV and knit. My drinks are next to the sofa in my mini fridge. I am really chuffed. 

I am really hoping this may solve a poo dilemma.

Stuck in the middle

That's the best idea I've heard lately!

Joydean

Hoping you get it soon and he will use it! Your “room” sounds great. Glad you can enjoy.

toolbeltexpert

Buggsroo. I like your thinking all around.

jmlarue

I've turned my quilting/sewing room into my retreat. It's been an absolute lifesaver. Your retreat sounds perfect. Fingers crossed that the portable commode will be screaming success for you, too. Sending a big pat on the back for soldiering on through this battle on poo corner. Seriously, I don't know how you've managed to endure it. I'd have had to place my DH in care even if it meant me having to live in a van down by the river the rest of my days.

Jo C.

Brilliant!

J.

Cherjer

I cannot believe what you have been going through and so glad you now may have a solution!! My question to you and several others who have their "secret spot"...what does your dh do when you are not visibly present? My dh would be looking for me!! The only time I have "alone time" is when our caregiver is here, and I can in my office getting caught up on paperwork!! I could never do this when no one is here to keep an eye on him. I am not complaining, but even sleeping in a different room is confusing to me...I need to be with him if he uses bathroom during the night and being there when he wakes up in the morning. 

ButterflyWings

Cherjer, same here - 

I have a small sewing space upstairs...unused since AD came to town. Except my DH doesn’t shadow me, when I move he goes the other way. Rummaging, packing up a few randoms and then eloping. Without fail.

So, it is line of sight here also. At times I stay awake when he sleeps, just to hear myself think. Like my late night or early a.m. reading & posting here sometimes.  But then I’m tired as can be when he wakes up and that makes for a rough day. I hope the aide situation works out soon. 

Buggs, I REALLY hope it works. I would have been tempted to have a lockable cover installed on the sink. Can’t even imagine what you have been dealing with.

Gig Harbor

Could you also get him a mini fridge for the kitchen and put a lock on the main fridge? You could also get child proof locks for all the cupboards and leave out a few dishes for him.

eaglemom

Sounds like you've been problem solving. I think its fantastic.

eagle

jmlarue

Cherjer - I'm grateful not to be dealing with the shadowing issue - yet. I'm still able to distract him with the TV as a babysitter if I need to escape this insanity for 30 min. If I'm trying to shut down a disagreement or an angry rant and he attempts to follow me, I guess I can appear pretty threatening when I say, "STOP! Turn around and go sit down." I might need to say it more than once, but it hasn't failed me, so far. When the day comes that it doesn't work anymore, he will need to be placed outside the home. This is one of the hills I'm willing to die on. The other is double incontinence.

Butterfly - I thought you had taken steps to stop the elopement issue. Does DH still have sufficient awareness to figure out how to bypass locks and childproofing devices? What a nightmare that must be. As far as the rummaging or packing up his belongings, I just leave him to it and undo his mess once he's settled again. Every bit of hoarded junk he's been messing with gets swept into a carboard box that I can sort through when I have the time and inclination. Clothes get put away. I've managed to cull a great deal of his hoarded clutter over this past year using the cardboard box technique. I'm pretty ruthless about throwing things out and what's left is stored in the attic behind a locked door so I don't ever have to deal with it again.

Buggsroo

I understand about dismantling a life. I am doing that with my husband. He built a greenhouse and raised cactus and fat plants or caudiforms. If you have seen pics of Madagascar you will know what I mean. Though I am not well versed in this sort of gardening, I saw with dismay that his plants have all died. I quietly packed the corpses into leaf bags and put them out with the garbage collection.

He also has lots and lots of tools, he built a house with a close friend. So I gave the table saw to my cousin who is in construction and renovation. It is sad but I realize I have to be practical. He also did baking as a side biz, so I am looking to donate some of the big kitchen equipment. 

When my dad died, I helped my mother dismantle his life, I believe the Swedes call it death cleaning. The sad thing is that it is wrenching but cathartic at times. My downstairs lair as I call it is vital to my sanity. Yes my husband shadows me and it does get annoying when I am working, but nighttime is my sanctuary.

JudyMorrowMaloney

Shadowing is the most difficult problem I am dealing with now. I get no time alone except grocery shopping.  I wish I had a place to hide.

Lynne D

Yay Buggsroo!

Our small basement is also my escape. We had it finished after my HWD’s aneurysm, so it is not in his long term memory and he has only gone down there twice in two years. It is only a room large enough for a twin bed and a 3/4 bath, spartan as a monk’s quarters, but my sanctuary.

Strangely critically important, isn’t it?

I do my Duolingo French lessons and watch TV on my tablet, and sleep there. I have cameras so I can keep an eye on my husband and intervene if he starts a dangerous or messy activity.

Do keep us posted on the success of the new commode. I am new to dealing with bowel incontinence, and his attempts at clean-up are a health hazard. I intervened for the first time today, and it emptied me of every ounce of patience I had to get him to accept my help.

jmlarue

Ha Ha...I think you're the first person I know who's heard of Swedish Death Cleaning. My maiden name is Olson - so yeah, I'm familiar with it. Truly, I'm a lot more ruthless with my personal and household stuff, so the downsizing is going relatively well. DH's collection has to be dispersed on the down low. We have two adult sons. When they come for one of their infrequent visits, I see to it that their vehicle is packed to the roof with stuff when they leave. I've made it clear that I don't care if they keep it or get rid of it - it just can't stay here. God Bless them for not arguing.

ButterflyWings

jmlarue - Yes, we did have a lot of success in curbing his previous actual exiting, but the instinct has never left him. Seroquel helps, as do alarms to alert me when doors or windows are opened. I don't have actual locks to prevent elopement though. He had settled in to a routine of being occupied and re-directable in the house, but has reverted to some prior behaviors after a couple weeks in respite stay recently. So he wakes up talking about getting out of here. Everyday.

I can't leave him in a different room on his own for too long or will regret it.  Once he's dressed and packed up "for work" or whatever, its harder to get it out of his head. Keeping him inside means distraction and redirection several times a day once again. And I hide his shoes so he usually runs out of steam looking for them and thankfully won't just take off barefoot. My “me” time is when he sleeps.

Joydean

Buggs did the toilet seat come in yet?

Buggsroo

Hi everybody,

No the toilet has not come yet. Soon though. The last couple of days there have been no turds in the sink, of course sometimes he tries to pee in the sink unless I catch him beforehand. I have started to ask him if he needs to use the toilet before he eats or if I take him out. Yesterday I took him out for a haircut and he went to the loo before we left. That was a success.

I promise to let you all know what transpires once the toilet arrives.

toolbeltexpert

Buggsroo thanks for the update. I think your on to something about the loo, that sounds like another win, maybe run a faucet to help out.I am gonna start watching my dw because our tp consumption  has increased alot .Your a help to us out here trying to stay ahead of the  was gonna say game but that didn't agree, I just say it's another stage in the great scheme of stages of this dementia.