Appt advice

toolbeltexpert

I have my dw scheduled for a doctor's visit. I need some advice about how to handle her. She has a bump on her neck not to bad. It had gotten red and I told her I was going to scheduled a visit for it. Of course she doesn't remember that. I told her the other day again I was going to scheduled a visit and she was becoming resistant to that happening, it will be a trigger so I stopped talking about it. She did say one time that I had better not just drive her to the doctors without out her knowing. I am trying not to get appointment anxiety. How am I gonna do this? I know this sounds silly, she has never had a doctor. I have a copy of her dpoa and the medical insurance cards.  I have heard others say they make it about themselves not the pwd. Any good fibs. I really would appreciate anyone's experiences.  I don't want to have to drag her kicking and screaming

M1

TBE I would tell her it's required by Medicare.  I would even fake a letter if you have to--make it look official.  Tell her it's for both of you (make two copies of the letter).  I would speak to the doc's office ahead of time--both the receptionist and the nurse, tell them what you're doing, and take a written list of your concerns in that you can give to the doc ahead of time.  Good luck.

harshedbuzz

TBE-

M1's suggestion is a good one. You could also present the appointment as being for both of you-- last minute-- as something the pair of you need to do in order to keep Medicare coverage. If it would appeal to her, you could make it an errand on the way to lunch out. 

You could also say you need to stop by to pick up a prescription refill and she's coming along to keep you company springing it on her at the last minute.

I used to contact dad's docs ahead of time via their patient portal when possible. Since you probably don't have the available yet, I would either email, drop off or snail a bulleted list of concerns ahead of time and bring a hard copy to slip to the tech when you are taken back to the room asking that the physician read it before coming in just in case.

Ahead of the appointment, I would not go out of my way to make sure she's groomed or dressed in a manner differently than she typically is. You want the doctor to see her as she is now. My mom used to scrub dad up and dress him in nice golf clothes and then complain to the doctor that he never showered and wouldn't wear real clothes. 

When you go in, sit behind her in the doctor's field of vision so you can non-verbally communicate whether the answers she is giving are true or not.  

Good luck.

HB

John1965

I only tell my DW on the day of the appointment.  I lie and say, “ we talked about it. This appointment is required by the insurance company.”  

When she was more with it, anxiety about appointments was severe. 

Fairyland

I never tell my mom about appointments until about 2 hours before we have to leave (the time it takes to get ready).  She always says she didn’t know about it (even in the past when I did tell her, and she had got up at 3 am unnecessarily). Rather than say I had told her but she forgot, later on I realised it worked better to pretend I had forgot it was today, and to apologise for forgetting myself, then bustle on with getting ready to go.

Iris L.

To the PWD, going to an appointment is like going to a tax audit!  MASSIVE ANXIETY!  I can relate.

Iris

Ed1937

I like the suggestions by M1 and Fairyland. The notes to the doctor absolutely work great (I've used them more than once), and taking the blame yourself for forgetting the appointment was (whenever) should not upset her. Good luck to you. It should work.