What Makes Him Smile

Josie in Podunk

More moderate than mild now, my sweet Handyman still has skills that make him smile…which in turn make me do the same.

He spent a lifetime in the construction industry from lumber yard to kitchen and bath designer.  My beautiful post storm kitchen is evidence if that, as are many project that made this little brick ranch ours as second-timers (both widowed)

He still loves working with his hands even so large, complicated projects are no longer in his wheelhouse.  His most recent projects are two small drink tables for the sunroom a friend built. No time crunch…no deadline…he works as he wishes and as his mind will allow.  He spends hours outside either working or in his chair chair under the work canopy “contemplating”.  It makes him happy and keeps him grounded mostly in the here and now.

And, he loves doing nice things for the people he loves…I just have to monitor the spending aspect of that.  Just today he bought a nice gas grill for our grown grands who recently moved in up the block.  He has also given them free use of the lovely Cubota Lawn Tractor he bought a few years ago when he could still manage mowing the yard.  

It makes him happy and he feels useful.  He is not aware he has dementia, yet he is aware that things no longer come easy to him.  Being useful and doing mitzvahs make him feel like he still has reason to be here, to be active and not become depressed.

I am afraid it took me a bit of time to realize he NEEDED that purpose in this life.  A slap my forehead moment, if you will.  So, I have made a small list of little, non-urgent projects for him to do as he will.  Deadlines are stressors and stressors create confusion, agitation, and verbal combativeness.  Neither if us need that at this time in our lives.

Sometimes, I am a slow learner on this journey….but, I keep trying…we still have many years ahead of us based on the current slow downhill process of this disease.

I don’t like being here, yet I am grateful for the creation if this space to share the ups and downs with people who just get it.

toolbeltexpert

Lost in podunk that is a winning strategy. My dw is exactly the same. She Love's to make things to give away. I sometimes slow down the towel buying but she is well stocked. That's a thing she likes to do in the evenings. " and sometimes during the day. Its who she is...Don't run out of towels, buttons and the proper color yarn. Oh and don't run out of MOOSE TRACKS!

Ed1937

It doesn't sound to me that you're a slow learner. You're reading between the lines, and coming up with solutions. That's a win!

zauberflote

LostIn, I hope I can be half as quick on the uptake when it comes my turn. You gave me a lovely memory I might not ever have remembered by myself-- my dad, no dementia, gone these 25 years, used to spend time just sitting and "contemplating", the word he used! Thank you for that!

Cherjer

What a wonderful wife you are to your husband and thanks for sharing!

Joydean

 I hope he stays on the slow down hill slide. I admire that you could see what makes him smile. I’m sure part of that smile is because of you! Best of luck to both of you. 

My dh sits and “thinks “ of all the things he could be doing, then it’s time to eat! Lol.