Terrible Week! Could this be progression.

Nanpr

I’ve been keeping track of things that don’t seem right with my mom for the last 2 years. My mom has no formal diagnosis. She refuses to get tested etc..From January to April there were 11 things that I noticed with her memory or behaviour. In the last month there have been 8 of these things. Three of them last week, which were all behaviour/personality changes. I don’t know if this is a sign of progression. I find it so difficult to deal with. Two of these ‘episodes’ had to do with food. In one instance my mom got upset with my hubby because he was using too much cream cheese on crackers. She grabbed the container from him and said you’ve had enough. There won’t be enough for me. Another incident was again with food where I was making quiche for dinner and cracking a bunch of eggs. My mom got upset and said how many eggs are you using. I’m the one that buys the eggs around here. I said this is for the whole family and the eggs you bought are still in the fridge. She then said, I don’t understand you sometimes. The last incident I would say was her being paranoid. I had been out for a couple hours running errands, when I got home I could tell she wasn’t in a normal mood. She asked me if I was at her condo (which she hasn’t been living at for the last while) I said no I was at the store ( which she should have know as I had groceries) She then got angry and said are you guys planning to put me in a senior’s home? This came out of nowhere. She started swearing and yelling. I had to remove myself. I find it so difficult to cope with these behaviours and outbursts. I found her to be quiet for the next couple days. Then back to normal like nothing happened. I find it so difficult to deal with these challenging outbursts/behaviours. It’s hard cause you never know what’s going to make you LO upset. We often feel like we’re walking on eggshells. It makes me so anxious. I don’t know if this is progression because there are more of these incidents happening. It’s just all so difficult to cope with. Thanks for letting me rant!

May flowers

As many folks will say here, any time you notice a sudden change in behaviors, it’s a good idea to check for UTI. It can make them act like a completely different person (even more than the dementia itself) so it’s always good to rule that out first.

If a UTI is not the culprit,  the paranoia is very common. For spouses it is the idea they are being cheated on, for children it is the idea they are somehow being stolen from or taken advantage of. On the spouses forum, there was a discussion about this (from the cheating standpoint), but my feeling it is the same cognitive issue driving all of this paranoia: https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147561097

Nanpr

Thanks May Flowers for your response. I always forget about UTI. Also, thanks for referring me to the spousal forum! It is the paranoia that drives all of these thoughts for sure. It’s just so difficult and unsettling. Does one ever get used to it?

Savta

What I have found to be helpful is a seminar I watched about anger and aggression with this disease. The person with the Alzheimers thinks everything they are saying is the truth. In reality it is their truth. It makes things better for them and honestly it works for me to simply agree with the situation. They seem to calm down and move on. My son said that we are camp counselors and our job is to make the camper (my husband) enjoy his time at our camp. Some days it is easier than others but every day brings the possibility to enjoy whatever time together we can.

Cosmic

This sounds about normal. For me at least. Mood shifts out of the blue, yelling hitting, paranoia, always think the neighbors are looking in our windows...we live in a wooded rural area.

For me (us) it's typical sundown. Very hard to stay focused and know this is not who they are. Usually goes away in a few moments and mood swings back as if nothing ever happened. Get used to it. I found that just keeping my mouth shut during the episodes helps and doesn't escalate the issue.

Nanpr

Savta, thank you for your response. I hav to learn to agree and just try and let these episodes roll off my back. I find it difficult to do as it increases my anxiety because I don’t know when it will end. I think sometimes for me it’s best to not engage and to leave the room. I like your son’s analogy of the camp counsellor. Some days are definitely easier than others. I need to enjoy those days and not think of the next. Thanks again.

Cosmic, thank you for your response. I too wonder if my mom is starting with some sundowning. I try to ignore it as best as I can, but sometimes she calls me out on it. I have to learn to walk away and not engage even if she wants me to. It’s so difficult at times, but the best way to keep my sanity. Thanks again!