Noticeable decline

T. Slothrop

I took a long weekend away over Memorial Day, and when I returned I feel like I notice new losses, or changes in behavior, kind of like the way a baby develops new skills, seemingly overnight. DW is in Stage 4, after an MCI diagnosis 4 years ago. 

Her new behaviors are increased suspicion (“Who drank my wine?” has turned into “You must have poured it out because you don’t want me drinking!”); and durable delusions (the house is filled with bugs, and she will not be persuaded that they are sesame seeds or crumbs). Yesterday she could not accept that I am her husband of 47 years, although I could not discover who she thought I was.  I admit this hurts my feelings, even though I know it’s not her fault. 

Just sharing; thanks for reading. 

Ed1937

The only time my wife didn't know who I was was when she had a UTI. Tonight she might not know because she is severely confused. Sorry you're dealing with this. It all hurts.

toolbeltexpert

T Slothrop, I think we are sometimes to close to see some things. Your time away may have given you new eyes? Sorry this is very hard on you I know, my dw has been asking for a month or two if we are married ,yep coming up on 44 years in two weeks.

M1

Those first instances when your spouse doesn't recognize you have a special kind of pain.  I'm sorry.

The delusion of bugs has a name:  fermiculosis.  It can happen in other psychoses too besides dementia.  Unfortunately it's pretty persistent and very hard to treat; there is one drug (pimozide) that is sometimes recommended, but I've never seen it be truly helpful, honestly.

White Crane

Yes, it does hurt!  It happened to me for the first time last week while we were in Indiana for our grandson's wedding.  He didn't know for sure who I was and it felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach.  I'm sorry you are seeing more decline.  It is so hard to watch the one we love slipping away from us.  Sending prayers.

Scooterr

You know sometimes the pain can just be to much. There's nights I lay awake next to my wife and I just watch her sleep. I wonder what new changes or challenges the morning will bring. I feel for you, I know it's hard, and it's tough watching our LO's decline, but somewhere, someway, good Lord there's got to be  better days ahead for  us.

jmlarue

The entire dementia experience is like living with a wound that won't heal. On the good days we manage to cope with the chronic pain of it. On the bad days, it's like someone sneaks up on us, rips the bandage off, and pours salt in the wound. It's on those days we find refuge here, in the company of friends and fellow sufferers, who give us tea and sympathy. We hear you, T.S. This all hurts - some days more than most.

T. Slothrop

Thanks jmlarue, Scooterr, White Crane, M1, toolbeltexpert, and Ed1937, for your sympathy and solidarity. It means more to me now than I ever thought it might, to have fellow travelers. My father cared for my mother as she succumbed to AD, and I so wish I had known what I know now, before he died. 

I agree with toolbelt, that a few days away have sharpened my view, even if I also think the time away might have increased my DW’s sense of loneliness or her dependence on me. I am more resolved to find a companion for DW, and a care partner for me. 

Thanks to all of you.