Giving up driving

Bob in LW

Since there has been much discussion here about a person with dementia stopping driving, I felt that it should be a separate topic.

My SO was a good driver, but she once got confused and caused an accident with minor property damage and, fortunately, no other cars were involved.  Her son's attorney advised him that she must give up driving immediately since he has DPOA for her affairs and would be liable if she got in an accident.  She argued about it and is angry to this day.  Although she recognizes the limitations of her short-term memory loss, she goes into denial when the subject of driving comes up. "I've always had a memory problem and my driving has been fine" or "I don't remember some things because they weren't important to me".  She hasn't attempted to get the car keys or asked to drive, so she has accepted it.

Forcing a person with dementia to give up driving may be a lot of trouble for the caregiver, but not as much trouble as when there is an accident.

toolbeltexpert

Bob you're right. Last time my dw drove was just over a year ago,I was in the garage under a piece of equipment and heard gravels, I thought someone was coming in, turns  out to be dw going out. I panicked left everything got in our truck and took off. Called my church family to be on the look out, I went to town  the bank is a place she's always talking about, nope. So to make a long story short I got home and after a while she showed up and didn't know where she went. I took her keys and gave her blanks. If she ever does try them, my fib is the battery is dead and won't let you turn the key,"it's a safty feature" to keep you from going anywhere with a half dead battery.

I can really sell technical  BS.

 I know of a woman who drove away from home, went up a mountain road that was just a few miles from me,she got out of her car got lost in the woods. She  passed away at some point and was found a week later. I took a week off from work to help find her. It was so sad to see her children come and look everyday. She was only a couple miles at the most from home, so even a short drive can end up deadly.

Stuck in the middle

My wife stopped driving when she was diagnosed with AD.  She worked in insurance long enough to know she would be blamed for any collision, regardless of actual fault.  Driving while impaired by dementia is like driving drunk, without the jail time.

I am fortunate that my wife knows her condition.  She hates "losing her marbles" as she calls it, but her awareness makes my life easier.  

Paris20

I’ve told this story many times but since it is so hard for many of us to convince our LO to stop driving, here’s what I did, a more detailed version than before. My husband entered an intersection at at stop sign. However, as he proceeded into the intersection he was hit by a car that had the right of way. No one was hurt. My husband was at fault because he had that stop sign. He swore that he never saw the oncoming car. It was as if he drove blind.

That was my first warning. DH had already been diagnosed with MCI and, I learned later, the neurologist had already given him an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. When I told the doctor about the accident, he told me about his diagnosis and told my husband not to drive anymore. That began a full year of begging, explaining, using fear tactics, and other totally ineffective methods to get my husband to stop driving. Finally, I hid his keys and each time we went into the garage I told him I’d drive and he could drive next time. When he asked for his keys, I made up a fiblet. It worked for three years. He had a paralyzing stroke last month so the driving lie is no more but the fact that it served me well was worth mentioning.