Mother in law doesn’t want to move

CharleyS

My spouse is trying to move her mom to a different assisted care facility, since she will soon need memory care and the other facility will eventually bill Medicaid. Her daughter has power of attorney, but MiL says she will revoke that as she still has substantial capacity. Until very recently, she had been asking to move but now she doesn’t. Should we have her move anyway, as there is a spot available and we might not have that opportunity when she needs to leave her current facility for memory care? Or leave her where she is for the next however long? She’s pretty oppositional and the neurologist isn’t even testing her at this point.

terei

Realistically, does she have the capability of revoking the POA?   Can she locate an attorney by phone or otherwise to request this? If not, dont worry about it.

The reason you are using the POA in the first place is because she can no longer make rational decisions on her own.  Her opinion on the matter should not have been discussed IMO.

This is another example of including your LO in decision making out of respect for them which then backfires because they do not have the capability of making reasoned decisions.

I would quit discussing the subject with her.  Go ahead + make the arrangements + go get her +  her on the day of the move. ‘We are going to lunch’. Do lunch + take her to new place + when you get there, simply tell her this is doctor’s orders because ‘this new place is better suited to your needs now.’.  The end

This is a warning to others who are including PWD in making decisions other than what ice cream they want.   Even if they agree one minute, they can be adamantly opposed the next.  Make your decisions + implement.   Explaining to them (may or may not) comes later

harshedbuzz

Charley-

I'm confused. Does she have a firm dementia diagnosis that allows the current POA document to be activated? I would reach out to the lawyer who drafted this document for clarity regarding consequences around this. If she is deemed to have capacity, she may be able to legally make her own choice to stay where she is even if it is not a sound decision. 

HB

terei

Harshed, generally, there is no event that ‘activates’ a POA.  It is effective at the time it is drawn up.   Assuming the document doesn’t state otherwise, it is effective immediately.  This is true most cases, not all.

harshedbuzz

terei-

Neither of my parents POAs were springing, and I used them to sell real estate on their behalf even though mom is fully competent. But many people do opt for this kind of POA and sometimes that requires a physician or 2-3 to sign a statement declaring the individual unable to manage their affairs. 

HB

CharleyS

Thanks for your responses. She is very clear about what kind of ice cream she wants, and may indeed show this kind of resolve if she is moved more or less against her will. I doubt she could personally make the kinds of arrangements to remove her daughter as POA, but might be able to enlist the help of others at the AL facility, which again might not go as far as she would like, but she at least has the capacity to make this much more complicated than needed.