feeling beaten and exhausted

caberr

DH diagnosed with AD in May 2018 after years of problems and tests.  The past month he has accused me of taking his things, lying and having multiple boyfriends.  None of it true.

He was agitated and waking up at night so was put on trazadone a couple of months ago, which did help.  I have started giving it to him in the am because he was getting agitated during the day.

Last week he was very angry at me. The dr put him on Depakote, a mood stabilizer.  Yesterday seemed good but then last night we were up from 1 until 4 then slept for a few hours.  He peed the bed and said he did it on purpose to make me mad.  Well at 4 am I'm sorry to say I have no patience. Yes, I handled it wrong.  This am he had a bm in the shower but said I did it. I just let that go.  Maybe start of incontinence?

He is delusional, hallucinating and says he is dying.  He is very healthy except for AD.

I am looking at some MC facilities on Thursday.  I never thought it would get to that point.  But I now know I need a plan.  

It seems to be happening so fast now.  I feel stressed, exhausted and just plain worn out.  

M1

I'm so sorry Caberr.  Sounds like you are doing the right thing.  Taking some steps, even initial ones, may help you feel more in control, with a plan.  Don't beat yourself up, there's a clear limit to what any of us can do in the face of this disease.  With you in spirit.  Keep us posted--haven't heard from you in a while.

toolbeltexpert

Caberr I can't say I would have done very well at that early morning surprise.  With what you described I can understand being wore out. I wish you well with your search for a mcf.

JoseyWales

Goodness, you've had it rough. Lack of sleep makes it so much worse for me. 

It's a good idea to look at MC. That doesn't mean you need to place him, but having a plan and information is a great idea. 

sandwichone123

Caberr, all of that sounds horrible. Your dh sounds so upset and frustrated, and please do not look at placement as a fail. The last couple of weeks you've had are not sustainable.

When someone says they are dying, even though they are delusional about so much, it's wise to take it seriously. By that I don't mean take some particular course of action, but be aware that it might be true.

There are some resources on here about how to layer a bed to reduce the workload at 4 am, which might be helpful.

Ed1937

Caberr, I'm so sorry. It's just unimaginable what this disease does.

Here is a link to a thread on layering, if you need it. I would also like to add that for even more protection, you could use a cheap shower curtain from the dollar store to put with the top layer. That might protect the whole bed. https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147559157 

Jo C.

Hello caberr, I can only imagine the difficulty and stress.  I was wondering; do you have a dementia specialist managing the dementia needs or is it the primary MD who is managing and prescribing?  That could make a difference.

Do go online and look at the expanded list of side effects for Depakote - hallucinations and confusion amongst them.   I am not criticizing the med or saying that is what is happening, I am just suggesting you take a look so you can discuss the topic with the doctor.  No matter what; never, ever stop a med without a doctor's oversight; it can be dangerous.

I so hope that you can soon get the best approach with meds.  If you do not have a dementia specialist, it may be well worth getting to one as things have become more complex.

Let us know how things are going when you have a chance, we will be thinking of you.

J.

ButterflyWings

(((Caberr))) no wonder you feel beaten and exhausted. You are doing some heavy lifting for sure. I agree with the excellent input so far.  Also am noting you reference delusions and hallucinations. 

Jo C’s recommendation seems especially urgent and important. My DH (also finally diagnosed in 2018) also had out of control thoughts and had they not been obviously  dangerous, I may not have been so adamant and persistent with his neuropsychiatrist that we get some (correction, the right) meds in place to help him (and me) manage his brain glitches. 

Had it “just” been the verbal attacks, accusations and incontinence-related drama you are dealing with, I might have not considered it as needing an urgent intervention like I knew his weaponizing and seeing nonexistent intruders did. But looking at it differently after years with this disease, now I think what you are describing is the same thing as what DH was going through in a way, it is just showing up differently. And it is just as impossible for you to survive intact without relief. And it is just as urgent. Even if you ultimately place him.

Praying you get med adjustments and additional support very soon. 

David J

Caberr, I agree that med adjustments are needed. My wife’s delusions about house intruders got really out of hand, but the meds really helped us get through that stage of dementia. After adding an antipsychotic, I was able to deflect and redirect most of the time.