Does not recognize people

Gig Harbor

My husband has a friend of 58 years who he has seen at least monthly during the years. He was sitting out on the deck talking to him for an hour yesterday and his friend said today that he didn’t know him yesterday but enjoyed the visit anyways. Every night now he asks me if he is going to go home to sleep or just sleep here. I tell him we are staying here and he is OK with that. He will be moving into memory care next week and I have no idea if he will remember any of our friends or me within a few days.

Beachfan

I am sorry, Gig.  Sadly, I am there and have been there for awhile now.  It’s lonely sometimes, but I knew it was coming. Thinking of you as placement looms.  It’s hard.

jmlarue

I know how this must break your heart. OTOH it means that his transition into a care center is not causing him distress - or you either, for that matter. That's what holds me back from placing my DH right away. Although he no longer recognizes the rest of the family, he still sees me as his wife. I know that every visit with him would result in heart-wrenching pleas to take him home. I don't think I could endure that or the alternate solution of not visiting at all.

In the military, the saying is: "Embrace the suck." It's defined as "...consciously accepting or appreciating something extremely unpleasant but necessary for forward progress." You can now move forward knowing that he will not suffer as you do that. Embrace the suck, Gig, and carry on. You are both going to be okay.

M1

Gig I know this looms large and hard right now, but I hope there is mercy in it. I can only hope you have an easier transition than we have had. Will be thinking of you too.

Ed1937

Gig Harbor wrote:

He will be moving into memory care next week and I have no idea if he will remember any of our friends or me within a few days.

Gig, I recently took a course online. During that course, it was brought up that when we fear something is going to happen (in our case, I feared my wife would fall soon after being placed), these things do not happen 85% of the time. And of the remaining 15%, only a small fraction (10%?) actually have lasting qualities. Hearing that made it easier for me when placing my wife. She has been there a week now, with no falls. I hope the transition angels are watching over your husband.

 

May flowers

This may not help any, but while my FIL (stage 7) does not recognize my husband, his son, he  does indicate he can remember his son - he is not connecting that memory to the man in front of him. We are strangers to him, but we still get some glimpses of the fondness he holds for his children. It is fleeting and I know the day will come he will not even remember having children. 

As an aside, I have a hard time reading this board and what all of you are going through. My DH is my best friend in the world but has a strong history of dementia in all four grandparents and now his dad. I want the both of us to 1) get LTC insurance and 2) go for testing and get a cognitive baseline. 

I can’t imagine losing my DH to dementia. When we are past caring for my FIL, I want to do all the things with him now we had always wanted to do. We never know what the future holds.

Hugs and prayers to all.