Things to Remember

brodiegirl

I am a brand new joiner and I have no idea why I didn't do this 3 years ago.  Everyone battling this disease with a love one please remember that our loved ones did not ask for this and they can't do anything about it.  Therefore, it is left to the ones that pull up their boots and dive into the situation, at times with no knowledge of what they are doing ( that was me ) and make it the best adventure it can possibly be.  My parents moved in with me 4 years ago, lost my 90 year old dad in 2020 to cancer and now taking care of my 83 year old mother who is in the late stage 4 of dementia.  As I have been reading different post, all of us are dealing with the same issues just in different ways.  Everyone's disease is different and there is no right or wrong way to  handle it.  You first have to accept that your LO is sick and then you have to get yourself in a really good place to move forward.  

Remember everyday is a new day, live in the moment, have patience, laugh until your stomach hurts, and most of all LOVE LOVE LOVE them like there is no tomorrow.  Believe me, it has taken me a long time to get to this place, and please remember what is feels like to be able to think for yourself and then that be taken away from you. I am still challenged everyday with bathing, how to get her out of the bed, and wondering if she is happy or sad, but knowing she is on her journey home to the Lord makes it all worth while.

I would like to share that my mother went into a deep depression January, February and March eating very little, not drinking, sleeping all day and I thought I was going to lose her.  Didn't know what to do.  I checked in with my doctor and she said we should start her on sometime of depression medicine to see if we can get her out of her depression.  My mother is very healthy, has never liked taking medicine and so I thought, "what would my mother want", so I said no drugs and turned back to nature ( God's World).  I started using Doterra Essential oils and what amazing results!!!  I am diffusing oils in the bedroom, rubbing them on her and giving them to her. The depression is gone, eating is so much better, mood swings are better and therefore her quality of life is better.  I know the dementia is slowly taking her away, but as least I have found a little relief in the oils.  Remember, do what you think is best for your LO and know you are doing one heck of a great job, just because your are doing it!!!!!!

Iris L.

Read about Seasonal Affective Disorder to prepare for next winter.

Iris L.

May flowers

I really appreciate your post and perspective. This is my fourth and last parent to care for (I had various caregiving roles with my parents and MIL) and on those days that are especially hard I try to step back and remember - this will pass. Everything I am doing means something, even when it doesn’t feel that way. It is so hard to be cursed at and hit, but those rare moments I get a smile, or hug, or a pat on the hand and I can’t help but thing he’s in there “somewhere”.

With my parents and MiL, I remember in the moment feeling like I can’t do it anymore. Every time. When my dad was sick, I was a teenager and taking care of the house and yard fell on me to free up my mom, with my mom (ALS) my sister and I took care of her on alternate days, and when my MIL had stage 4 cancer, and I did some hands on and some coordinating of caregiving, but I was in the hospital with her for weeks. Anyway, all that is not to complain, but to say that I never thought I would make it through those times. And sometimes it was very thankless because especially in my mom’s case, we did not have a great relationship. 

In hindsight, though, I look at the effort I spent at the end of each parent’s life as the greatest blessing - whether it was years or months. I never thought it would end (at the time), but it does. And I was stronger and had a better perspective on life because of it. That perspective on life had made me a better wife and mother too because it has made me focus on what counts because life is short. 

There are days that I am close to tears because while my peers are enjoying grandchildren, tennis clubs, traveling, careers, I am wiping bottoms and washing a ridiculous amount of laundry. But I keep coming back to this, this will pass. And this labor of love matters.

Ouma

Thank you for your kind words, much of what you said I needed to hear. Good on you as well for all the good work you are doing as well.

mommyandme (m&m)

May flowers wrote:

There are days that I am close to tears because while my peers are enjoying grandchildren, tennis clubs, traveling, careers, I am wiping bottoms and washing a ridiculous amount of laundry. But I keep coming back to this, this will pass. 

I say to myself… maybe today I won’t cry…

Hmmm…I probably just need a whaaa whaaa whaaa whaaaambulance! 

May flowers

I have days like that too…