Marriage(1)

David J

I saw this on my Facebook feed this morning. Since I see everything in the light of my wife’s dementia, I thought it made some relevant points. 

Marriage is not what everyone thinks it is. It's not waking up early every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It's not cuddling in bed together until both of you peacefully fall asleep. It's not a clean home and a homemade meal every day.  It's someone who steals the covers and elbows you in the face. It's a few harsh words, a few fights and the silent treatment, it's wondering if you've made the right decision. It is, despite all of those things, the one thing you look forward to every day.

It's coming home to the same person every day that you know loves and cares about you. It's laughing about that "one" time you "accidentally" did something stupid.

It's about eating the cheapest and easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at 10pm to eat because you both had a crazy day. It's when you have an emotional breakdown and they hold you and tell you everything is going to be okay, and you believe them.

It's about still loving someone even though they make you COMPLETELY insane. Living with the person you love and who sometimes fights about absolutely nothing, but it is also having a love that people spend their whole life looking for.

It's not perfect and it's hard, yes it is sometimes very hard, but it's amazing and comforting and the best thing you'll ever experience.

May flowers

Beautiful, thanks for sharing!

toolbeltexpert

That's the truth. I could add to that list, forgiving someone who didn't deserve it,and going forward like it never happened.

mrl

Thank you David, that made my day

Michele

Ed1937

That's what it's all about, David. Thanks for passing it on.

Crushed

Everybody's marriage is different  mine was wonderful 

DW was quite simply the smartest girl I ever met and she was ambitious.  And she needed a wife or at least a homemaker.   I could cook and sew buttons and run a household.  She could make computers dance.   It was weird . If it was a subject in her area she knew everything about it.  If it was outside she knew absolutely nothing.   She could play the flute and repair a phonograph.  She developed her own pictures.  She built my first computer .
She could not make soup out of a can. I did all the cooking 
She wanted children but had never held a baby.  I was the diaper expert. 
It was very interesting. I married her while she was a medical student.  I told her I would be the Base for her Statute of Liberty.  She joked that it was just so I could look up her dress.  
I cooked and took meals to her in the hospital so she did not have to eat terrible hospital food  With kids my homemaker job just got bigger. but it was fun.  Finally when they went to university we were going to have the life we earned..   And then Alzheimer's showed up and you know the rest.

Joydean

Thank you David for sharing, because it is right on. No marriage is perfect because no person is perfect, but love covers all! 

Paris20

Yes, marriage is all of those things. About 2-3 years after my husband’s diagnosis, I was preparing dinner and setting the table. DH’s personality was still intact but the AD symptoms were increasing. I stopped for a moment because it suddenly struck me that these were still the good times. In other words, I was able to appreciate ordinary married life, just the day-to-day routine that we shared for over five decades. I knew it would soon disappear but I wanted to appreciate it before it was gone. I reminded myself of those  good times until they were no more. I recall them with great nostalgia.

Jeff86

The revival of Stephen Sondheim’s meditation on the joys and agonies of marriage brings to mind this song, 

https://youtu.be/HnTu8IBWvTQ

Lyrics:

 ROBERT:

Someone to hold you too close,
Someone to hurt you too deep,
Someone to sit in your chair,
To ruin your sleep.

PAUL: That's true, but there's more to it than that.
SARAH: Is that all you think there is to it?
HARRY: You've got so many reasons for not being with someone, but
Robert, 
you haven't got one good reason for being alone.
LARRY: Come on, you're on to something, Bobby. You're on to something.

ROBERT:
Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell.

DAVID: You see what you look for, you know.
JOANNE: You're not a kid anymore, Robby. I don't think you'll ever
be a kid again, kiddo.
PETER: Hey, buddy, don't be afraid it won't be perfect. The only thing
to be afraid of really is that it won't be.
JENNY: Don't stop now. Keep going.

ROBERT:
Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share
A little, a lot.

SUSAN: And what does all that mean?
LARRY: Robert, how do you know so much about it when you've never
been there?
HARRY: It's much better living it than looking at it, Robert.
PETER: Add 'em up, Bobby. Add 'em up.

ROBERT:
Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,
Someone to make you come through,
Who'll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive.

AMY: Blow out the candles, Robert, and make a wish. *Want* something!
Want *something*!

ROBERT:
Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.

Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!

Debbie 1128

David,

I love this. It made my day!

BTW, your dog looks a lot like my dog.