Sick (with covid) and depressed

Debbie 1128

I am still fairly new to this forum. As a recap, my DH was ex with MCI 18ish months ago. The neuro doc added “likely early AD”. He’s to be re-evaluated soon to see if there have been changes. The changes I see are with his mood and behavior. 

I tested positive for covid this morning. I’m vaxd and had 1 booster. My symptoms so far are fairly mild. But the worst is fatigue and weakness. His test was negative (so far). 

I’m here because we had a blow up. He read that the CDC says I should wear a mask at all times and he wants/ expects me to do that. I am doing that. But CDC also says I should isolate, sleep in separate bedrooms and use separate bathrooms if available. That is available and it was our plan in 2020 when covid first reared it’s ugly head. But now he doesn’t want to be separated from me, just wants me to wear a mask. He got very defensive when I asked why I should only comply with that part of the plan but not the whole CDC plan  

These are the things I see as progression. He doesn’t

I’m trying my best to be understanding and all. I just don’t feel well right now and need (want) him to take care of me at this time. Instead he is sulking like a wounded child. I know it will likely get worse based on what I’m seeing. My mother is in late stage ALZ so I’m aware of the progression.

Just needed to rant I guess. I’m tired. I’m feeling weak and expected the care I would have gotten from DH a few years ago. I’m in a new reality now apparently.

Pat6177

Debbie, I’m sorry you’re sick. Everything is harder to deal with when you are tired and ill. One of my DH’s biggest fears is that something will happen to me and then what will happen to him. He knows how much he relies on me. I recently had to go for additional mammogram scans after my annual mammogram showed a questionable spot. I’ve had this before and all was fine but still, I was nervous. But I didn’t dare say anything to DH because I knew I wouldn’t get much, if any, support and he might just end up worrying about it more than I was. I missed sharing my worries with DH and when the additional scans came back fine, I couldn’t share my relief with him either. So I’m sorry your DH is being clingy and not able to take care of you while you’re sick. I understand the disappointment. 

In case you are feeling guilty about the blow up,  don’t. Know that you are doing the best that you can with what you have to work with right now. It’s not just being sick and the fatigue from the illness, it’s the sadness that comes every time we see the progression in our LOs with dementia.

Do the best you can to take care of yourself and recover. Come back and let us know how you’re doing.

Ed1937

Debbie, I'm sorry you had a positive test, and I hope the symptoms fade quickly.

You didn't mention the things you have to help him with. But my guess is that he might be frightened to be away from you. If that's it, he likely is trying to get some protection (you wearing a mask), without feeling as though you won't be there for him. Just a guess. You know him better than anyone else.

Debbie 1128

Pat, thank you for the reply. I have to try to remember that he is doing the best he can right now too. 

I totally get wanting to share worries and relief’s. I used to call my mom and talk to her about stuff too. I haven’t been able to have conversations with her for many years now. I do still have that with DH. I hope to hold onto that as long as possible. 

Quilting brings calm

It sounds like a form of shadowing( where the person with dementia follows the caregiver everywhere in the house).   He may also be concerned about you.  Covid can turn from a mild case to a severe one quickly.  Maybe he’s afraid that will happen with you if he can’t see you.

The shift from being a partner in sickness and health to being the caregiver and never the person being given care is one of the many losses of this disease.  It hurts deep inside to lose that safety net.  It’s  like being a mom, having the flu, but still being the one up and moving   because the kids need supervised 

Debbie 1128

Thank you Ed. He is still self sufficient. His struggles are mostly with language and communication. He forgets conversations. If we have to be somewhere at a certain time, I have to keep on him to shower, get dressed, etc. 

Like Pat said everything is harder when you’re ill. 

We’re seeing a speech therapist in a couple weeks to see if it can help with communication, for both of us. 

This morning he is trying very hard to help me with everything. We’ll get through this. Thanks for your support. 

Lills

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well!  I know how hard it is to be sick and take care of your DH at the same time.  Funny story:  When I was sick a few years ago, I asked DH if he would make me a cup of tea.  I wasn't sure he could do that but as I sat on the sofa, I could hear him correctly processing the steps of making me tea.   I was waiting for him to bring me the tea...and then I heard him drink it.  Rats!

You wrote that your DH's behavior and mood changed and that he is having trouble with communication.  Of course, that could be Alz. but have you ruled out FrontTemporal Dementia (FTD)?  DH's internist and first neurologist both thought he had ALZ.  DH wasn't correctly diagnosed until 2018.  (He died last month.)

Question:  Why are you taking your DH to see a speech therapist?