Keeping her from boredom

oehlsena

My LO has lost the ability to read and write. She does sometimes read out the signs we drive past on the road, though. She was a painter, but now when we ask her if she wants to paint she mostly says no, or maybe later. We have to cajol her and direct her brush to the canvas because she starts painting herself or her table or utensils. I have tried to show her games on the phone, but she expresses her disinterest. We have tried to go on car rides and out of the house, but our car doesn't have a child proof lock and she will open the car door while we are driving if not carefully watched, and has fallen out before. The last time we went on a drive together alone was not good , with her frantically calling out to passerbys for help that she is being kidnapped. To be fair though I was very pushy about getting her out of the house that time and I shouldn't have attempted it. 

So, what she does like to do. . . We have kept a pile of junk mail on the kitchen table because she will endlessly go over it and keep herself busy.. We also have kept a notepad and colored pencils on the table that she will just pick up and turn over in her hands or try to write. We have a cell phone with no service that she can play with- she "called someone" on it the other day. We also have a "treasure bag" and "treasure box" and a basket in her room that she can rummage through. She also usually likes being read to and be still for that. 

She has a boot collection that is mostly out in the garage, but there are a few mismatched boots in her room that she has loved to pick up and admire. Unfortunately I think that they will need to go back out to the garage because she made a mess of them yesterday and fell on them in her room. 

She seems constantly bored and always at a risk for standing and starting to wander. She doesn't try to leave the house but she makes a mess. She has falls. She mostly likes to eat and talk although most of her chatter is nonsensical. She also has seemingly liked going outside to sit in the backyard this summer, although she does sometimes get hot easily and burns easily. 

We are trying to find a a TV with a VCR hookup and a VHS player so that she can watch her old home movies. We don't have television here.

I really think I've been trying to find stuff that we can do together. It is challenging. I have scarcely considered the viewpoint of someone who can no longer hardly read, write, speak, or walk. What can such a person do??? How can they find personal fulfillment? How can they feel like they make a meaningful contribution to their family and society? Where can they derive any joy in their existence besides from the kindness of those that take care of them? 

Thanks for reading. 

Update: we found a VHS player today! 

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I'm going through the same thing! Trying to find something to keep my mom engaged with and feeling fulfilled is getting more and more challenging. A day program would be wonderful for her, but none are in our area! Drat.

I can offer a suggestion about your LO painting. You can by paper where you can get them wet and it will reveal a picture. I've heard that they dry "clean" and be used again. With a wet brush, your LO can safely go through the motions of painting and get nothing but water on the neighboring objects.

There's a page in the Solutions tab here on this cite that has daily activities, or at least I think it does. It won't load for me currently.

LJS45

It sounds to me like you are doing a lot to try and find things for her to enjoy. I know it's difficult though. When my mom was 1st placed in MC the activities were too difficult for her to follow along and I felt like I tried everything to occupy her time. I brought framed pictures of family, a CD player with some of her favorite CD's, a fidget blanket, books, stuffed dogs that looked like hers, and a baby doll. She destroyed the picture frames, broke the CD cases, tore the fidget blanket apart, and would try feeding the doll all the time. She still enjoys dolls and board books that I read to her. I also play music on my phone when I visit. My mom also enjoyed sorting things. One time she must have spent 30 mins. sorting some rings in a jewelry box. That led me to getting a bunch of red and white buttons and I asked her to help me sort them. She couldn't follow though and would just grab a fistful. She may have not been able to see the white ones, idk. My mom also enjoyed getting a pedicure. Now she is on hospice and on a pureed diet that needs to be fed to her.  She cannot walk unassisted and she sleeps a lot but I still play music for her and rub lotion on her arms and legs when I visit. I tell her I love her and how nice she looks hoping she comprehends. Your LO may not be capable of doing some activities/tasks and that's why you are getting the "maybe later" response.  She most likely recognizes her limitations. Have you tried having her "help you" fold some laundry or sort some socks? Can you give her a rag and have her "help you" do some dusting? Even if she can't do it properly it will keep her occupied. Is she able to help with some food preparations since she enjoys eating? This is such a cruel disease and we all try to do whatever we can for our LO's to have a moment of enjoyment. Good luck to you!

mommyandme (m&m)

I think that anyone looking in at my moms life would think she needs a better caregiver.  “She must be so bored” they probably say.  This part of caregiving, along with communicating, is my biggest challenge.  Although I’ve tried all the things, she just doesn’t seem to want to participate.  I kind of feel fortunate that she’s not mobile and wandering around, but that means she just sitting in her chair or lying in bed.  So we watch a lot of TV, which includes music and animals for the most part. It’s so hard and I feel quite inept, to be honest.  How was I the one voted in to be responsible for another adult’s complete life and death, for that matter.  There are pros and cons to everything.   Ugh! 

Hospice nurse says my mom seems good, she’s engaged in watching things going on around her, is not just staring into space and she’s participating and doesn’t have a flat affect.   She’s calm and seems comfortable, so on I go.

Sorry for your difficulties too. 

Babilv

The other responders have provided Lots of great suggestions for you, I have only a couple things to add….for painting, you might try letting her paint old plant pots, vases etc. anything that is big enough for her to hold and see.

Perhaps instead of trying to find things she’d like to do, do things you like with or simply in her presence, you could ‘paint’ and ask her opinion or help. Read what you like aloud…anything you choose.

Lastly, what about puzzles (with big pieces, and brightly painted)

All the best to you. 

harshedbuzz

I'm so glad you got your hands on an old VCR. I hope it helps. 

Looking at pictures was kind of a bust with dad. He was kind of interested in bragging about how "hot and handsome" he was back in the day but didn't engage much around pictures of the rest of us. I bought him a digital picture frame loaded with old pictures and encouraged others to send new ones. It mostly annoyed him but my mother who doesn't have dementia loves it.

I think part of your problem is thinking of dementia just in the context of memory loss-- it's so much more than that. In addition to the very common apathy where very little can delight or engage them, early on there are losses in executive function that prevent being able to initiate and follow through on preferred tasks and talents that used to be almost muscle memory. 

For you mom, days of painting are likely over, perhaps you could channel that love of color and design into puzzles, adult coloring books or even stringing pretty beads. Perhaps sorting through old buttons or folding napkins would engage her. 

IMO, if she's safe and reasonably content, that's enough. Fulfillment can come from being loved-on by her doting caregiver (you're rocking that part). In a bigger sense, the lessons and growth you are experiencing in that role are a tremendous contribution whether she gets that or not.

HB

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sunnydove

My mom also used to be a painter and sculptor. Everyone is always saying I NEED to push her to continue to do art but she does NOT want to. She does still identify as being an artist and I think forcing her to do it would not be productive and worse, will be frustrating and upsetting. She can't even color inside lines anymore. She is late stage 6.

One thing my mom LOVES to do and can spend hours doing is looking at old photographs. I made an album for her including little notes that tell stories from her past with corresponding photos and she just loves it. I made one for her mother (my grandmother) over 20 years ago she she had Alzheimer's and we still have that one. Mom likes to look at that one too. 

The TV is also a lifesaver. We watch America's Funniest Videos almost non-stop. It's upbeat and she loves the animal videos in particular. While we are watching I make silly voices or comment on the videos and it keeps her super engaged and happy. I hope you can get your tv up and running soon. 

Good luck! Sounds like you're doing an amazing job. 

Jo C.

It is sad as we watch the changes happening to our Loved Ones and I am so sorry.  Your mother can no longer be judged by standards of a person without dementia . . . it is not about anyone elses needs but her own for where she is at with the damage that has happened to her brain.  She can no longer process things as we can; nor does she have a need for personal self-fulfillment; nor does she have a need to be contributing meaningfully to society as you ask.  Joy:  the joy she will feel will not be sustained; our Loved Ones with dementia in that state feel joy in the moment and only in the moment something pleasing happens, but the moment does not last; that memory of the joy is not sustainable.

Wanting to do something together is your kindness need; and not hers, so if once in a while you can do something together, whether it is folding laundry, having a snack and tea together, or singing or watching a program together, or looking at a photo album or a picture magazine, when SHE feels like it, those would be winners at this stage of the dementia journey.

There is grief as we see those losses advance and we so wish we could continue in much of what used to be, but the disease robs us of so much.

This concern is also one I had for my mother and finally a social worker was able to help me to understand things better.

She explained to me that I, as a person who functioned well, would be dreadfully bored without something to do much of the time, and I was judging my mother by my standards for myself.  She did state my mother was doing what she wished to do functioning at the level she was able and that I needed to enter her world reality as she could no longer process things to function in our world.

So, we kept little things she liked to do or could do and it was a once in awhile sort of thing ad did not worry or push her if she had down times where she just wanted to sit and be quiet.

It is difficult to know what to do.  Your mother was an artist; but if she does not wish to perform this function any longer and it takes someone else to put her hand to the paper, it is probably no longer something that is a priority with her nor is it satisfying for her.  You have given her colored pencils and paper on a table and if she wishes to use color, she will be able to use them.  You have also given her the pile of papers she can go through again and again and each time she picks them up, they are new; that is wonderful of you to do that for her.

Our Loved Ones (LOs) do best with absolute routine and structure; once they hit a certain state in their dementia, change is their enemy.  Therefore, if you are taking her out riding only to try and do something for her, you may want to rethink that.  She is not comfortable being out and is frightened and calling for help and trying to get away. It sounds as though it is far too much for her to process and adds to her confusion and fear; again, routine and structure is their safe place.  Of course if you have to transport her to  the doctors or other necessary place, then there is not much of a choice.

The treasure box and basket sound lovely.  She loves to be read to; would she enjoy books on tape "reading" to her?  You mention having no television; and that you do not get it where you are.  Are you in another country or in an area here that cannot get reception?

Now that you have a VCR, you can also find videos online of old TV shows she may enjoy, but they must be calm videos; anything violent or severly loud would be a problem.

You are a very loving person and your mother is blessed to have you by her side. I would like to recommend you look online for the following wonderful informational writing by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller; "Understanding the Dementia Experience," in pdf.  It explains the changes in the brain from the first early symptoms to later ones, what they are and why it happens. It is an excellent writing.  It is available at no cost online.

http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf

You ask what you can do; yes, kindness is a big part of that as you mention, and to love her for who she is now, not just only for who she used to be. Kindness and love are much of what we can do for our Loved Ones, that is a lot.

J.

sophirolr

We cook, clean and watch movies together. My neighbor really likes to watch movies about nature. Just at that time, I read on https://www.firesticktricks.com/best-torrent-client.html about torrent clients and downloaded just such movies for her. She likes watching movies with me the most because she likes to discuss them. I try to spend as much time with her as I understand how difficult it is for her

LosAngeles

Relish makes paint kits where color appears when water is brushed onto the canvas. It later fades so the canvas can be reused.  They have several different themed packs- garden, animals, classic cars, farm- for example: (Note: the product itself does not say "Alheimer's" or "Dementia" etc).

Relish Wonderful Animals Aquapaint Water Painting Pack – Alzheimer’s Products & Dementia Activities, Toys & Gifts for Seniors

jfkoc

This is a good read re the creative part of the brain;

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Remember_Better_When_I_Paint

You might try water color/colored pencils/ crayons/tear and stick glue colored paper. I would start by simply putting the supplies out on the kitchen table and maybe workin on your own piece next to her.

FloydSnax

Honestly, I don't think they have a "Boredom". It's something...but I think they are consumed with something pretty much every woken minute. So, it's not boredom. I have become a living TV guide for my mom. Because I thought, as long as she's consumed in television, she's not board. I'll sit and watch with her and comment on what we're watching and she's like, What? Who? 

You can't really create things to do that you think she might like because she's not the same person she was... with the likes and dislikes she had. It's better to find what she enjoys at the moment and go with that. This is only my opinion and things I'm going through with my mom. And definitely no more car trips unless you can rig the door and window to never be able to open. Good luck! 

*Ollie*

When my mom moved in with us 9 months ago, I tried to get her interested in many different activities - large print books/magazines, word searches, adult coloring books, simple puzzles....and nothing took.   My goal was to find some activities that she would do independently and I was not successful.  The only thing she will do on her own is watch tv.  I have accepted that although it is still hard for me at times and maybe it's the hardest part about caring for her.   Zero independence.    

We do have adult day centers here and she is not interested in that either.   

She is interested in getting out and about so we'll take her to the weekly farmers' market, take her on errands,  go to parks, walks... simple things.  

I definitely don't feel like I'm great at this and not having any friends around that are in a similar situation can make caregiving kind of isolating.