From an old post - notice the date

Ed1937

Ed1937

This broken drawer was the result of my wife trying to use it as a toilet. It broke, and she was on the floor when I finally got in the room, after hearing the noise. The drawer is now fixed, more than 1 1/2 years later. It probably wouldn't be if she did not go into MC. That's how much "get up and go" I've had. Not much better now. Well...the drawer is. I'm not. Just don't feel like doing anything.

toolbeltexpert

Ed that took skills to fix that. One thing at a time. I am getting worried I am not gonna get back in my garage. Everything is is disarray.  Ed maybe you need a bit of a break, caregivers are terrible about taking time for themselves.

Joydean

Ed, just an ideal, when one of your kids go see your wife next time what about asking them to video their visit? I know you are wanting to see her, do you think that might help or just make it worse? 

Ed1937

Joy, thanks for the thought. If they could get her doing some activity, that would be great! Maybe not if she's just laying in bed. I'll mention it to them.

Ed1937

TBE, that's all I have now is a break. I went to a graduation in the family a few days ago. Didn't stay long. Then I was invited out to breakfast, then a cookout. I passed on both. I guess I need to force myself to get out more. I do have a local caregiver support group meeting late tomorrow afternoon. I'll go to that.

M1

Ed I just got back from my first local support group at our MC facility--nice, but frankly probably not as helpful as this group.  They said the same thing--get out more--but really?  I'm with you, frankly, I think it's going to take a looongg time before I'm ready for much.  Yes I'm lonesome, but I'm also exhausted, and grieving, and don't feel much like being around a lot of folks right now.  Give yourself all the time you need, I guess is my point.  It took a while to get to this juncture, it's going to take a while to get past it.  Long while for me, I think.

Not to mention, covid is still a threat.  State test positivity rates hit 22% today (and of course that's not counting all the poeple who are home testing).  At the meeting, I was the only one who kept a mask on.  Unbelievable to me.   I had a good excuse because I have a cold, but I would have anyway.   

Ed1937

Masks are required at our in-person group. And I agree that the in-person group is nice, but not as helpful as this forum. When I was considering placement, our daughter had a friend whose father in the place we were considering. She gave it a big thumbs up. Then at the in-person support group, I was told by another attendee that they had a family member there, and it was so good that another family member became a resident there too. That was huge in my decision making. So when you need local information like that, in-person is probably the way to go. But overall, this is the place to go.

David J

Oh that feeling of malaise. The day my went into MC, I had a short burst of energy and cleaned up the bedroom. For years she had been puling her clothes on the furniture instead of in drawers or the closet. She had spilled Diet Coke and Glucerna everywhere, and she had closed all the windows and blinds so the room was dark and musty. Once I had cleaned and aired the room, I was spent, and haven’t done much since. I know there are repairs and maintenance to do, but I procrastinate.

M1

Almost every day I find something that had been misplaced or "lost."  Today it was a metal measuring cup that I really like--stuck in an out of the way drawer, i think she had taken it to measure out cat food (of course).  Now it's in the dishwasher and will go back to its usual home.  But yes, the lack of energy to accomplish much is stunning, I agree with all of you there.

Joydean

You gentlemen are so amazing and my heart goes out to all of you! I wish strength and peace for each. 

Jo C.

You are a man built for action; you have been running at Mach 3 with your hair on fire for so long; suddenly there is a huge four wheel locked abrupt stop . . . . that is a huge change.  Sometimes we do not even know how exhausted we had become.  It is like Atlas with the burden of the world on his shoulders.

Couple that exhaustion with remnants of mixed feelings about needing to place, a bit of depression and even apathy for some dynamics can sneak in until things even out in their own time.

You need time to recoup; and it will take time.  Just let go and let be and do what you feel you want to do; the other stuff will wait.

I do remember the photo of that dresser and how it came about 1 1/2 years ago; you had sustained that herculean level of caregiving and watching over things and trying to keep it all glued together until the last Atlas cell broke and it could not be any longer.   You have now fixed the dresser and in time, the feelings will be "fixed."  Maybe not exactly the same as you were in the days prior to dementia; but perhaps better in some ways.

J.

Rennbird

I appreciate these postings.  My husband has been dead for 2 1/2 years and I am still a zombie.  I do get out some and have even traveled a little.  I was in Montana and visited Yellowstone Park just six weeks ago.  Now it is damaged just like all of us.  Being an Alzheimer’s caregiver leaves an open wound.  It forced me to take off my rose colored glasses.  What I went through with VA alone, was enough to shake me to the core.  I weigh everything against the impact of Alzheimer’s disease and everything else comes up empty.  People today are more alarmed about animal cruelty than they are about the cruelty of Dementia and what caregivers live with on a daily basis.

Jo C.

Rennbird; I understand what you are saying.  After my journeys with dementia, I too lost any shred of naivete I had about anything related to those many different dynamics.   I will never be as "innocent" of many things as I was before; eyes are open wide and the heart continues to feel.

It is true that the elder issues including dementia are  "invisible" issues.  Aging and the elderly are not popular causes.   How much do we see being done in our halls of government to reach out in realistic terms where the needs are greatest, that includes the middle class for elder issues?  Cannot even think of current issues being realistically addressed - except one Senator recently stating that Social Security needs to be cut.  Really!  Our government representatives do not have to live under the same stringent issues most of us do . . . we have covered them well so they do not have to.

I still would like to see a First Lady (or even first man) take on the elderly and their needs as her issue when her spouse is voted into office - but that never, ever happens.  It is not a "cutie-pie" photo-op category.  Heavens, something actually highly needed might get attention; while the optics may not be so pretty , a whole lot could get done . . .. yet; not a single taker.  Not one single whit about the elderly and the myriad unmet needs including dementia and so much more re those topics - we simply get crickets or tokenism at best that does nothing practical. Anything slightly addressed is minimized for the short minutes anyone has anything to say in their tokenism and off they go huffing and feeling that it was enough to get on the news and now it is done.

It has to become a HUGE and NOISY election issue in large numbers in all states across the country - and we just to not have loud, huge, in your face dynamics of that caliber.  As said, not a popular cause and yet, the aging population is a big one and we do vote.  Go figure.  If re-elction depended on those topics, you bet we would see changes - but alas on that one.

J.