Potential future placement made harder….

Jeff86

There are peculiar upsides to AD progression.  Among them, my DW is now long past asking to ‘go home.’

Last night, out of the blue, DW said, “I love it here.”

I said, “that’s great,” and asked her why.

She replied, “There are people here I love and enjoy.”

Then, the light bulb flickered and went out.  

I asked her who she was thinking of, but the question was too much for her.  As she does she can’t process something, she simply closed her eyes for a bit.

Reinforces my desire to keep caring for her at home, if possible.  But I’m keenly aware that I’m not in control here, AD is.

toolbeltexpert

Jeff  your a good man. The brief moments of clarity are precious.  I take what ad let's me have.

Ed1937

Those are the things that make it so difficult to make a decision and stay with it.

When my wife was in the hospital she told me that if I'd take her home, she would "be good, and wouldn't do anything bad". I felt terrible.

M1

Thinking about you soldiering on.  Hard to realize you can be relieved and crushed at the same time.  I bet your Hudson Valley is beautiful in June.

Quilting brings calm

The thing is a child and an addict also make promises about being good, and can’t keep the promise.  It’s not that they ( or she, Ed) don’t want to.  They simply can’t.  

Jeff, the same goes for periods of lucidity and the moments of calmness and contentment. They just can’t stay in those moments for more than just a few ‘ moments’.  

The rest  of us need those promises, lucidity, calmness and contentment on their parts to be there and active more often than not in order for us to stay sane. 

Gig Harbor

Ed my friends husband said that if she would take him home he would sleep in the garage. Still brings tears to my eyes. Within a week of saying that he was pretty settled in and had a good buddy. Together they would plot their escapes.

Vitruvius

Jeff86,

Your situation is similar to mine. My DW has now moved solidly to Stage 6E. The mechanics of caring for me don't trouble me much, it's the crushing constancy of her need for my attention. If I don't give her my undivided attention see gets agitated. 

Up until recently she really didn't do anything that would be an absolute deal breakers, like aggression or debilitating hallucinations. However, a few days ago, in a moment of inattention on my part she walked out the front door. I rushed after her and she was difficult to coax back into the house. What she might do stresses me out every time I just go to the bathroom.  This of course has led me to consider placement.

Yet it's those glimmers of lucidity that pain me so much. I still often see a core of her original personality. Even though she doesn't recognize me as her husband anymore, she nonetheless tells me she loves me and thanks me when I help her.  She needs constant loving care and I wish I could be the one to continue to provide it for her...but I'm not sure I can.