The 'Jekyll and Hyde' thing.

RobertsBrown

Who is she going to be today?

Yesterday she was sweet, a little unsteady, and afraid of losing friends and being alone.  Yesterday she needed hugs and reassurance, and a major clean-up twice.

She woke up mean.  Doesn't want help, or to be told what to do, or anything.  Informs me that I am mean and awful.  Pacing around, the usual precursor to an impending clean-up or bathroom choice, and seems determined to not go to the bathroom because I suggest it.

Confrontation, out of the blue, for no reason.

If it follows the usual pattern, she will lose control of her bladder or bowel, will panic and need help, will accept help while saying she is a 'bad person', and after she gets cleaned up will be a little shy, and sweet, and compliant and afraid of losing friends and family, and need hugs and reassurance.

When I saw the movie Groundhog Day, I thought it would be fun to live the endless reoccurring day.  Not so much.

toolbeltexpert

Robert your a good caregiver cause your attentive and patient. The different behaviors are the challenge. Every day is a new day with new challenges. I am gonna have to watch ground hog day as it gets so many references here. I never know how the day is gonna go till it's time to go to sleep. It's been bad the last few days.

Ed1937

Sometimes I wonder if we had Mr. Hyde all the time, if it would be easier. At least we'd know what to expect. I hope Dr. Jekyll shows up, and stays a long while.

Jo C.

Hello Robert; I am so very sorry for what is happening, that is an awful state of affairs to be experiencing.   I too experienced this with my Loved One (LO).   Some days were so good, that even though I logically knew better, I would even think a corner had been turned and the uptick was going to be permanent . . . only to be thrown off balance with the eventual big slide downward and all the highly negative behaviors.

It got me thinking of the ups and downs like a rheostat light switch . . . sometimes the switch would slide upward and the good moments were there . . . only to have the switch abruptly slide downward again bringing the highly negative dynamics.

Took me awhile to stop having any expectations and to accept any good moments as a gift.  The changability is really difficult as one never knows what to expect as you are certainly experiencing.

Fortunately, this is a temporary set of dynamics that will eventually pass but it does take time.  Patience may be a virtue but I often did not feel too virtuous as things got worse . . . it did help to look at times of day for the occurences, or especially for triggers of which I found there were many; I tried to avoid the triggers, which helped somewhat, but sometimes the behavioral changes were of their own making and unavoidable. When my LO awoke from sleep in a negative state, I often wondered if there had been a negative dream that caused the acting out.  No way to know. 

I did find that my LO did develop those "silent" urinary tract infections which made things far worse until the infection was treated which did help somewhat with balance of moods; you may want to have that checked out.

Sure wish you were not having to experience this and I wish there were a way to prevent what is happening..  Your wife is blessed to have such a caring husband by her side.  If she were prior to dementia and could see this, she would be so thankful for such a loving, caring and loyal husband.  This is an exhausting state of affairs and do hope that you are able to gain some assistance so you can get a bit of respite once in awhile; even a short bit can be helpful.

Sending best wishes and warmest of thoughts your way,

J.

Paris20

Robert, I know exactly how you feel and I’m sorry that we’re living through it. Very dear friends came to visit from overseas and I warned them about the Jekyll-Hyde thing. When we arrived at my husband’s facility he could not have been nicer. We visited for a couple of hours and he was sociable and engaged. Then, when we had to leave, DH had a total meltdown. He reminded me of my kids as toddlers when I left them in preschool. DH was yelling, cursing, flailing, etc. When the aides started bring him under control, we snuck out. I told my friends, «THIS is what I was talking about.»

Michael Ellenbogen

IIt's funny  you say that as that is how I think of my self.

Michael Ellenbogen

AAnd trust me we don't want to be that way. Do they make a brain repair shop?

storycrafter

The uncertainty and changeability of moods makes it very difficult. It can feel like a betrayal each time, especially after there's been a good day or a good moment. It really takes some hard work, and major practicing, to get the mind around the unpredictability and to let it go, some days easier than others, depending on how tired or vulnerable we might be feeling. We are only human and it's a very tough situation.

Sometimes a talk with the doctor or other staff can be helpful, a tweak of meds. Meds have made it possible for us to survive, but they do not cover everything. Sometimes I discover he's missed a dose, or the pharmacy changed their distributor/source and the new refill requires some adjustment time. Or he's had an extra alcoholic drink or two.

For me, at this season we're going through, I find what helps me most often is talking with a supportive friend or sharing in a support group like this, until I'm able to let it roll off and can regain perspective and kindness. I also write it out sometimes, in a private journal, to get it out of my system.

I'm working on, and hoping, to develop more adaptable and seasoned "sea-legs" that can rock and roll more easily with the emotional weather and the stormy seas. Studying principles of not taking it personally, of compassionate disengagement/detachment, of actively processing grief/loss, and talking it out with someone else who understands those same prinicples, helps restore my equanimity. It takes my regular maintenance on these topics every day in some form or another.

I hope you soon find restoration and rest from the emotional rollercoaster in whatever way works for you. Be very tender and kind and patient with yourself most of all. Wishing you a better day tomorrow!