Contacting estranged son for LO

oehlsena

My LO was in a fit of agitation earlier and took a set of her old index cards and asked me to read them to her. The first was a list of helpful sites and the second was her eldest son's name and phone number. He has been estranged from the family for reasons I won't go into right now. After I read that out, she excitedly said, "That last one!" She wanted to get back in contact with him. I know my DH would not want me contacting this person but I did let them know that their mom talks about them often and that they can call to talk to her if they want. No reply but my LO immediately calms down. I'm glad to help her get back in touch with family- getting involved in family drama isn't fun and games, however.

[Deleted User]

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Quilting brings calm

Please be careful with this.  My step-dad has an on/off relationship with my step-siblings,  mostly off.  For decades there would be no communication except for an occasional call.  My Mom ( PWD) decided to friend my step-sister on Facebook.  They never liked each other, so why she did? It turned out that my step-siblings mom and stepdad had passed on and they decided they wanted to be around my step/dad. This was in the spring of last year.   By fall, my stepdad had acted inappropriately toward his sons girlfriend and the son told him off,  on speakerphone with my mom hearing every word.  Step siblings  immediately abandoned them.   The last 10 months have been nothing but drama.  Step-dad calling everyone a liar, blaming all women in the family, especially mom,  mom emotionally unstable constantly and I’m the one suffering the result of it all.   

If the estranged son calls and drama ensues, your DH is going to be upset that you got involved. 

harshedbuzz

I would be careful about over-stepping. 

This is totally the call of her POA to make. They may have very valid reasons for keeping an estranged family member out-of-the-loop. I elected not to update a niece who would've only shown up to try to extract money the might've interfered with qualifying for Medicaid should it become necessary. Previously, when she visited my parents, she stole medications from them. 

You can always provide comfort by talking about this person- asking questions or retelling stories if she asks and it's OK with the POA. But I wouldn't prompt her to recall this person.

HB

terei

IMO you should let your DH handle this exclusively.  If I was in his position, I would be extremely angry if you contacted a family member against express wishes that you knew was estranged.