Placement happened.

Gig Harbor

Yesterday I moved my husband to memory care. I told him I had to have surgery. He asked how long he had to stay there and I said about a month. We had lunch together and then we went for a walk for 45 minutes. I decided to make it low key as far as leaving. I said I had to go to the hospital, hugged him and left. The tech said he was doing well last night and today he did want to leave but they took him on a walk to redirect him and then he took a nap.Last night I was sad that I “failed” him but today I realized that now we will each be happy probably 50% of the time. I really miss the person he was but I was so lonely and had the feeling of wading through quicksand. I want to have a retirement after 50 years of working but caregiving was making that not possible. The memory care will become his new normal. He was starting to ask multiple times a day why we were living in this place and when were we going to leave so he wasn’t really enjoying being here. Other than his walks he dozed a lot in front of the TV because I couldn’t get him to do anything. Now he will have activities to do but not as many walks. This disease makes us compromise. It will be one day at a time.

ButterflyWings

Well done Gig. You have not failed him. And you are choosing not to fail yourself. I admire you for working to shift to being caring wife vs day to day 24/7 caregiver after doing so much for your entire marriage.  

Enjoy your retirement! I hope he will settle in quickly and am so happy for you that you can have more balance, with lots of you time and just supervise the full time caregiving process.  

Kenzie56

Dear Gig, Thanks so much for letting us know how it went.  I've been thinking of you. Don't second guess...take a deep breath and know we are all in a "no win" situation with this disease. You are doing the best you can and deserve a retirement. I'm taking notes. I am sure my post will be like yours when the time comes.

toolbeltexpert

Gig I am so happy for you. Your doing a great job and you need to take that time for you. I like your attitude about 50%. I believe it's gonna be much better for you both.

Stuck in the middle

Sounds like a win for both of you.  Good job!

Pat6177

Gig, glad to hear it went pretty smoothly. You have been and will continue to be his best advocate. Good for you for coming up with a solution that works for both of you. May the transition continue to go well for both of you.

Ed1937

Gig, that is encouraging news. I'm glad it seems to be going well for both of you. I hope you can continue taking care of yourself now. We know you'll take care of him.

Joe C.

Gig, I hope the transition continues to go well. Get out and do things you have not had the opportunity to do as a caregiver.

Joydean

Gig so glad everything went smoothly. Now it’s time for you to take care of you. Good planning on your part, Because you are “having surgery “ ,  you are giving him time to settle in and you can get some well deserved rest and sleep!  Start your retirement today!  Best of luck to you both!

M1

Glad to have the update GH.  Hope it goes well.

David J

Gig, You have done everything possible for your husband, including moving him to MC. It’s hard and lonely, but you have done the right thing. Based on your posts, I know that you know this, but speaking from experience, reinforcement doesn’t hurt.  I also know from experience that it can be hard to be alone after years of marriage and years of caregiving. You are a strong person, but know that there are a lot of caring people here if you need it. Take care of yourself as you both acclimate to your new reality. 

Dave

Vitruvius

Gig,

I have the utmost regard for you.  You posts indicate that placement was the sensible move to provide the greatest quality of life for both of you. I know it took courage and strength of character make that choice. Please keep those of us just behind you posted.

Gig Harbor

My daughter got added to the memory care’s web page that allows us to see the monthly activities and menus. They also take daily pictures and she was able to see her dad taking part in some of the activities. It also lists what activities he attends and which ones he declines. I will get myself added on Monday.

Buggsroo

Gig,

I would like to second what Vitruvius said, I felt the sadness at the change but you will be able to enjoy your retirement. I hope your husband acclimatés well to his new home. My husband likes his day care and that has been illuminating for me. Here at home he gets bored as there is little for him. I salute your decision.

jmlarue

Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way. I hope this transition period goes well for both of you. You've given all you had to give to your DH. I have the greatest respect for you being able to recognize that this was the very best decision for both of you.

fireflies

Gig Harbor, here's hoping that in the coming days he continues to adapt to his new environment.  I have been following your posts and can often relate to your situation.   I see myself having to do this in the future, but he is not yet at that stage.

Beachfan

Gig, 

I am happy to hear that the initial transition went well.  Hope that it remains a positive experience going forward.  You know where I stand…..7 months in and there is still a hole in my heart. But the ability to enjoy the kids, grandkids, and life’s simple pleasures helps to fill the void.  One day at a time; you are brave, he is blessed.  One day at a time. 

Jo C.

Thinking of you and sending warmest of thoughts your way. You have moved forward in the best way possible which may well begin to provide the best situation possible in both sets of life needs.  You have gone the distance and thensome with home care and done so in very challenging and outright difficult circumstances.  When adapted to the new environment, the new care setting appears to be able to provide best for the needs of your husband in the state he has now reached and as his dementia continues to evolve.

Let us know how you are doing when you are rested; we will continue to be thinking of you.

J.

NylaBlue

GH, so glad the placement day went smoothly for both of you. It seems that in his own way your husband was ready for the move, although he didn’t fully understand what was happening. Wishing both of you well over the next few weeks as you transition to the new normal.

ImMaggieMae

Gig, you did the best thing for your situation. It’s good to hear that the transition is going smoothly so far. I’m sending positive thoughts your way and hope that it continues. It must be such a relief for you. You can still do walks when you go to visit him and he will have activities to do and others to interact with during the day.

Marie58

Gig, glad the move went well. Sending prayers for the adjustment for you both. Time for you to get some rest and find YOUR moments of joy. You've done a great job and DH is blessed to have you by his side.