Help- early what do I do

jer210520

Sorry 

My wife of 22 years is fading. She is obvious I’m sure but doesn’t really wants sex. She was diagnosed 3 years ago. She is not violent which is a good thing. Sex is important to me but w en at 69, 3 months is a long time.

I hesitate even mentioning this.

How have others adjusted?  I don’t want to give it up- - it’s part of me.

I wish there was a chat- I know it’s weird but it may help. Not going to do that porno stuff.

Don’t know where to turn and from people say, it’s going to get worse it many other ways .

I do love her , it’s been 22 years.. but… 

Rick4407

Hello Jer, about 3 years ago my DW developed vaginal atrophy.  Any sexual activity lead to a UTI.  As you may read here a UTI brings on significant drama and are to be avoided.  Within a year I showed up with prostate cancer and an overly aggressive radiologist toasted my abilities.  

I studied a little human sexuality in my education and the rule 35 years ago for the aging was "use it or lose it".  You can try to find a companion or try to accept your aging.  Neither is a happy choice.  Sorry.

When you get the depends stage the physical attractiveness pretty much disappears.  Good luck, Rick

   

ButterflyWings

Jer- so sorry you are joining our club of dementia caregivers. Nothing is off limits to discuss.

I’m also sorry for your current loss- there are so many on this journey. It is possible your DW doesn’t really know who you are to her, which changes how comfortable anyone would feel being intimate.  With her brain short circuiting it also wreaks havoc with normal physical functioning and emotions as well as she may have forgotten what sex even is and how to do it, exactly. My DH did. It was just a challenge for a while and then he pretty much forgot to even try. Very sad. Huge loss among so many. 

Ed1937

Hello Jer. Welcome to the forum. Sorry you need to be here, but it is a good one.

We have had other threads about sex, and that is a natural part of people's lives. I don't think anyone here can offer guidance on how to deal with the loss. I think most people, not all, just accept the fact that their sex life might be over. How you handle it is your business.

sandwichone123

My spouse and I have switched to a lot of snuggling, which is ok by me while the bed is still always dry. We've had a few threads about affairs, and there are probably many more affairs people just don't talk about, because it's just so fraught. At least you don't have the moral difficulty that you would risk bringing something home and infecting your wife. Whatever you end up trying, I hope you are able to come to a satisfactory solution.