End of spring

M1

It was March 21 that my partner was hospitalized, so three months today since she left the house and farm.  Anniversary reaction of sorts I guess, a whole season gone by.  We just did a FaceTime call, and she was in good spirits, though when seeing me, she says she's "sick of this arrangement" and "is leaving these parts," wants to discuss with me.  Was joking with the activities director though, and didn't seem too terribly upset.   Said she was staying busy by sweeping and cleaning (same as she did here).  Was glad to see me, wanted to know when I could be there.  Their parking lot is being paved at the moment, that was a good excuse to defer a visit.

Just wish there were some way I could spend time with her without triggering all this.  I am getting used to her not being here and yet so sad that that is the case.  She feels much more absent from my life than I would like.  

toolbeltexpert

M1 so sorry wished it went better, but it almost seemed a little better,maybe I am reading too much into your post. It doesn’t seem like 3 months have flown by, but here we are summer. It sounds like the activity director knows how to keep your dw upbeat. I love your fib about the parking lot. I think that day is coming when you won't be the trigger, hang in there. Today it took 3 hrs for my dw to take her first dose of depakote this morning,we went out to eat and I noticed she's yawning a few times. Take it easy on the outside work with an air quality alert.

Ed1937

M1, that is just a terribly long time. It sounds like there might be a couple of minor wins in your post. It seems like I'm thinking about you every minute. I really hope you can get to see her soon, without any problem. It's been far too long.

Rennbird

Is today the first day of summer?  It is referred to as The Longest Day in Alzheimer’s speak.  I think of it as The longest Good Friday.

Joydean

M1, I’m glad you got to see your dear wife even if it was face time. Seeing her joking with the activity director was a good thing, yet I know you would like to see her joking with you. I pray that will happen soon. I have read on here how so many say placement is harder on the caregiver, this proves just true that is. Wish you peace dear friend!

Jeff86

M1, I am so sorry you have not been able yet to visit in person with your partner.  It has been way too long. Your partner has had a challenging adjustment to the MCF.  That said, there are glimmers of hope, as she engages in some activities, and was glad to have FaceTimed with you.

Hoping for continued progress, at an accelerated rate.  I can only imagine how hard this has been for you.

Beachfan

M1,

3 months is a long time, but it seems as though there are glimmers of hope now and then.  The fact that she is joking with staff, keeping busy, and talking with you is encouraging.  I don’t have any of that and I don’t know which is worse.  A visit with DH is silence with an occasional random comment, help with his meal, a short walk to the next “activity”, an unreciprocated hug and kiss goodbye and an uneventful leave taking.  Sigh. I would sell my soul to know if he has even a smidgen of remembrance of “us”.  Stay strong; she will come around, I’m sure.  Thinking of you.  

M1

Seems like we're at the extremes BeachFan; your LO remembers you not at all, and mine remembers me too much.  I'd give anything for something in the middle.  But although there are signs of adaptation to MC, those adaptations don't appear to include me in any fashion that would benefit her or me.  Our friends are supposedly going to try to visit today, along with another old friend of hers of forty years.  We'll see how that goes without me.

toolbeltexpert

M1,hoping your friends visit will go well. I am like you if I put dw in mc now, it would be hell for me and probably her. She is still to much with it. BF your on the other end of the spectrum this disease doesn't leave anything either way. It has to be hell for our lo's.  M1 my dw hasn't  questioned the depakote, I am glad, but it is so sad, I know how desperate pwd are for something to help. I hate those Prevagen commercials.

M1

The friends just called and they had a wonderful visit, stayed for almost two hours.  Not sure whether that makes me feel better or worse.  She begged for my phone number--clearly didn't remember talking to me yesterday--said she needed to talk to me, as soon as I could take her home then everything would be all right.  They didn't need to come back because she wouldn't be there.

I guess I am just going to have to be happy that others can go see her and have good interactions.  And glad, from a distance, that she loves me so much.

ButterflyWings

(((M1))) - It is definitely progress that she can have some good times now, it seems. And yes, also a crystal clear, consistent message that she surely loves you. Both things to celebrate on one level, but also not at all what was supposed to happen when we envisioned our lives with some version of happily ever after despite expected trials and tribulations. This disease - I don’t even know what to say. 

My DH is here but not. Most of the day he thinks I am someone else- or doesn’t seem to think about it at all. His needs consume every waking moment and I am constantly redirecting, walking on eggshells, tap dancing trying to stay one step ahead and also out of arms length for those unexpected and rare but still very unsafe moments that he thinks I’m the enemy. 

You had no other safe choice, made the best one from your options and hers, but it just isn’t fair. I’m so hoping something changes ‘soon’ to make it possible for you to connect with your DP in ways that heal your hurt somewhat - even though our PWD LOs can’t be cured. 

Thinking of you 

M1

I feel for you too BW, I know how exhausted you must be-and know what a courageous caregiver you are. None of it is fair. There’s plenty of heartache to go around.

Stuck in the middle

The end of spring is also the start of summer.  I hope you have a good one, and can find acceptance of your inability to be with your LO for now.

M1

Thanks Stuck.  I guess that's my zen moment to struggle with.  Hope I can get there.