Sweet stories

Daughter80

Just thinking that with all of the horrific things we see and experience as caregivers it might be nice to share moments of joy here. Can you share a story of joy, happiness, laughter….?

Today I moved a load of things into my mom’s MC apartment. As we got to her apartment just outside of her door there was an old man in a wheelchair. He asked me where the bathroom was and told me that after he found the bathroom he would come back to wait for the bus. We dropped some things off in her apartment and then went back out to the car to grab some more things. When we came back in, the door to her apartment was open. He had wheeled himself into her apartment. I knelt down and asked his name. He proceeded to search in his pocket (he had no pocket) for a quarter. Then he acted so surprised. He said he had gone and gotten new slacks today ( he was wearing sweatpants) and he must have left his change in his other pockets. I asked if I could help get him home and he let me push his chair out the door. As we went out the door he must have thought he was on the bus and he asked if he could just pay me back later. 

The whole time he had a lap full of raisins that he was eating on. This just makes me giggle. He was adorable. As awful as this all is I hope to continue to be grateful for any moment of joy along the journey. 

My mom always tells me what a blessing this dementia is because it brought her out to be with me and my family. If she can find a blessing in her diagnosis I can be grateful for any moment of peace, joy, laughter, camaraderie, etc. 

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

Thank you for sharing such a nice story while in the middle of moving your mom.

I have a little story from this morning. I was sitting at the kitchen table with my mom who was eating a bagel with apple butter that was cut into eight pieces. She was the only one eating since I had already ate. Usually my sister sits with her but she was running behind so I did it this morning. My mom noticed that I didn't have anything to eat so she slid her plate over and asked if I wanted any. I only took one but gave her a hearty thanks. I'm so glad that she's still wanting to share with others.

May flowers

We have so many sweet stories from my FIL’s MC stay! One was we were sitting in the commons area with all the residents and half were dozing, the other half were working on activities. Some how the topic of dancing came up and all of them piped up, those sleeping woke up, and they had stories about dancing. One of them said they needed to have a dance contest, stood up and started dancing with one of thr nurses, and another one started singing. It was awesome…

Another sweet one was this lady who was professionally dressed stopped us and asked us if we needed help. She showed us where things were and to let her know if we needed anything. Then we noticed her arranging activities on the table and told us she was about to start a new activity with the group. So, we thought she worked there, until we saw one of the caregivers redirect her. 

My FIL’s neighbor knocked on his door every morning and walked with him to breakfast (well, FIL walked, the neighbor was in a wheelchair). That was his breakfast/coffee buddy

toolbeltexpert

I wished I could think of one right now, but I do find some comfort reading these sweet stories.  I visited a lot of mcf and loved so many, never met a pwd in a mcf that I didn't love and wouldn't trade a minute of it except that they wouldn't have dementia. I often lead someone home or assured them that the bill was paid, their home was still OK. The fears they had so real to them.

Daughter80

These stories are just so sweet. Any kindness to a PWD makes my heart happy. I’ve honestly been amazed at how most people seem to notice something is not ok with my mom and will go out of their way to help or be kind.

​fesk

I'll add one. I was having a particularly emotional day as I'm sure we all have had. I try my best not to get upset or cry in front of my mother, but couldn't hold back the tears that day. My mother looked at me and asked me what was wrong. She then took my hand and said come here -  I'll take care of you. Well, of course, that made my cry more! But, I have to say it's pretty amazing for as advanced as things are, she's still being my mom.

kenneth08

Oh my God, thank you for sharing such stories. I feel much better. Thank you very much people for sharing them.

virginia0806

It is so important to share this experience, so we can support each other in this way,thank you

May flowers

Another sweet thing I saw at MC was a man who lived in the independent living wing of the facility, eat meals with his wife who resided in MC and walk with her every day. They were so sweet together.

That has made me hope that if my DH and I ever face this in one of us, we would have the resources to do the same.

Mint

Thank all of you for sharing.  I enjoyed the thread.

RobinNicole

Hi all 

Will add a couple stories since it lifts us up 

My mom has been in AL / MC for 3 months ( can’t believe it’s been that long) and although she had some bumps has settled in very well.  At first she “didn’t like” some folks - including one man who always seemed to complain.  They now are besties and she introduces him to me as a wonderful nice man   There is even a bit of flirting going on.  I cannot emphasize how different things are.  She has friends and gets invited to the “cool kids table” but the sweet thing is she is kind to everyone and will help others but then make an excuse so “she can get away”.  It reminds me of middle school ( or maybe the playground” and she is navigating the personalities, looking out for others further along but then being human and wanting a break

She also has worn a baseball hat for last few years as she has very thin hair and is very self conscious.  A friend got her to take it off and another nice man told her he had never seen her without the hat and that she was beautiful.   I am hoping that she remembers that and feels comfortable without it.  I love hearing about her interactions from her visitors.  The nice stories keep us going

Daughter80

These are all so sweet!  Love them. Thank you all for sharing.

GothicGremlin

There are a few - mostly involving staff. 

Peggy's memory care is blessed with some truly exceptional staff members. It doesn't matter when I walk in, but I always see staff helping residents, bringing them snacks, taking them to the restrooms, all the while saying things like "come this way, sweetie", and smiling as they do it.  I know part of this is their job, but rarely, rarely do I ever see exasperation or frustration. 

Staff are incredibly nice to Peggy. There's one staff member who always does Peggy's hair. She doesn't have to do this, but she does, and Peggy's hair usually ends up in elaborate braids, buns, or pony tails.  Peggy loves this.

A different staff member makes sure that Peggy can occasionally watch Walking Dead. Of course Peggy can't follow the plot anymore, but she still remembers that she liked the show. This staff member will occasionally use her own netflix account and turn on a random episode for Peggy (in Peggy's room where she has a tv, but away from other residents who probably wouldn't enjoy watching the mayhem of the zombie apocalypse.)  That's over and above in my books.

Good hair days as the norm and zombies are not exactly what I think of when I think of memory care. 

Stuck in the middle

My wife is one of the minority who knows she has dementia.  When I put her to bed, she usually says she loves me or says "Thank you for taking care of me" or says "I'm so glad I have someone who takes care of me, because I'd be up the creek without it."  

Daughter80

I love all of these stories. My mom is similar stuck in the middle. She knows she has dementia and always thanks me for what I do for her. So hard, but so sweet.  Yesterday I took her to church and she has only been in a MC community for two nights. She looks awful and is struggling so much. She is, of course confused and anxious. As I drove her to church she cried saying she was always the last to know. I told her I was sorry it felt that way, but I had told her and if I could fix her memory I would. She then asked about each detail like. “Where do I live? Can I bring my dog? Where will my sister live?”  And this woman, who has lost everything, was moved two days ago, is anxious and scared looks at me and says that she will have to adjust. She told me that since she will live alone now she will work to make friends and join activities. How someone in the absolute worst situation can decide to make the best of it seems impossible to me. She is amazing. Inspiring and my hero.

May flowers

Daughter and stuck, how sweet and brave your LOs are. Hold their words close to your heart during difficult times when they can’t communicate anymore (((hugs)))

Daughter80

Thanks so much May Flowers. I think I should keep a mom journal with all of her sweet stories to never forget. 

Yesterday we laughed so loud I thought nurses would surely come check her room. When I got her for church she had her jeans on backwards. Oh well. We went to church anyway. then in the car on the way back she told me she realized in the bathroom that she had her jeans on backwards and it wa not very comfortable to sit. Lol. She said “wow, I’m special”  lol

Alfayup1

Daughter80 wrote:

Just thinking that with all of the horrific things we see and experience as caregivers it might be nice to share moments of joy here. Can you share a story of joy, happiness, laughter….?

Today I moved a load of things into my mom’s MC apartment. As we got to her apartment just outside of her door there was an old man in a wheelchair. He asked me where the bathroom was and told me that after he found the bathroom he would come back to wait for the bus. We dropped some things off in her apartment and then went back out to the car to grab some more things. When we came back in, the door to her apartment was open. He had wheeled himself into her apartment. I knelt down and asked his name. He proceeded to search in his pocket (he had no pocket) for a quarter. Then he acted so surprised. He said he had gone and gotten new slacks today ( he was wearing sweatpants) and he must have left his change in his other pockets. I asked if I could help get him home and he let me push his chair out the door. As we went out the door he must have thought he was on the bus and he asked if he could just pay me back later. 

The whole time he had a lap full of raisins that he was eating on. This just makes me giggle. He was adorable. As awful as this all is I hope to continue to be grateful for any moment of joy along the journey. 

My mom always tells me what a blessing this dementia is because it brought her out to be with me and my family. If she can find a blessing in her diagnosis I can be grateful for any moment of peace, joy, laughter, camaraderie, etc. 

thanks for your beautiful story

Alfayup1

virginia0806 wrote:

It is so important to share this experience, so we can support each other in this way,thank you

Yes exactly!

Dawn MB

I have one!  My mother and I have always had that difficult Mom/Daughter dynamic.  Her "suggestions' have always gotten under my skin as criticism ever since I was a teenager.   Her compliments were few and far between.   Last week, she told me that I look beautiful and that I should go sit on the porch.   When I asked why, she said, "Well, you never know what boy is going to walk by".  I didn't have the heart to remind her that I am 59 and very happily married.  But I will take that as a win forever. 

Daughter80

Dawn MB wrote:

I have one!  My mother and I have always had that difficult Mom/Daughter dynamic.  Her "suggestions' have always gotten under my skin as criticism ever since I was a teenager.   Her compliments were few and far between.   Last week, she told me that I look beautiful and that I should go sit on the porch.   When I asked why, she said, "Well, you never know what boy is going to walk by".  I didn't have the heart to remind her that I am 59 and very happily married.  But I will take that as a win forever. 

So sweet. Made me giggle.  

So sweetand 

Ravi Gupta

Oh my God, thank you for sharing such stories. I feel much better. Thank you very much people for sharing them. keep up good work

My name is Ravi Gupta and I am very happy to hear this story and it was very effective God bless you both mother and daughter always

Stuck in the middle

I'm glad it helps to know it is not necessarily all bad.  Here's one more.

My mother had labile hypertension and went to a NH after three weeks in ICU.  She stayed for six years, while the VD gradually destroyed her brain.  She would rather have been in her house, but her main concern was that I might be paying for her care and would face old age with nothing.  I had to reassure her on that score every so often.  She was still concerned about her little boy, the silver-haired man who came to see her.

BassetHoundAnn

I was visiting my mom one Saturday night at her memory care. There's a couple, husband and wife, who are both I'd say on the cusp of stage 7. When they can speak, if they can speak at all, it's mostly gibberish. They were sitting together on a couch cuddling like two love-struck teenagers, arms around each other, sharing a bag of popcorn. So cute I wanted to cry. 

Another evening I came into the memory care unit to find my mom sitting on a couch her face bruised. She had fallen. Another lady was sitting close beside her, pressing a plush animal into my mom's hands, cooing "There, there! We'll take care of you!" 

BassetHoundAnn

Dawn MB wrote:

I have one!  My mother and I have always had that difficult Mom/Daughter dynamic.  Her "suggestions' have always gotten under my skin as criticism ever since I was a teenager.   Her compliments were few and far between.   Last week, she told me that I look beautiful and that I should go sit on the porch.   When I asked why, she said, "Well, you never know what boy is going to walk by".  I didn't have the heart to remind her that I am 59 and very happily married.  But I will take that as a win forever. 

Too funny! My mom said something like that. The aid that checked on her one evening while I was visiting was a young man, in college. After he left she twinkled "He would be good for you! Why don't you go find out his name?" I reminded her that I'm 62, have been married for  30 years, and she seems to like her current son-in-law, but it didn't seem to register. She continued to try to match me up with the evening aid. Sometimes she thinks I'm her younger sister and she's back in their teenage days.  

Dawn MB

So funny, Basset!

Daughter80

Funny story….I put an Echo Show 8 in my moms room. She calls and asks me to help her get her dog out of his kennel. She can’t figure it out. (We are going the next day to being a new kennel). So I tell her to open her door and ask for help. The nurses station is right next to her door. I can’t see, but hear a man in the room chatting with mom. She tells me a nice gentleman is there to help her so I get off and give them some time. Then I call her back. She is still struggling and I don’t hear the man. I ask her to bring the kennel over to the Show so I can see and talk her through it, then hear the man start talking again. I recognize his voice. It’s Gary!. Another resident.  He heard me and brings the kennel over to the camera for me to see. Holds it up real close. Lol. So funny.