Won’t leave glass of water on the dining table

sunshine5

DH was diagnosed one year ago with mild dementia. While he can still go alone for morning walk and get home, he can’t remember simple daily tasks.

Every day, I ask him to leave the glass of water on the table, every day he uses that glass. I tried putting a sign on the wall nearby, sign on the water jug but nothing seems to work!

I know in the end I have to give up and accept that he is not able to remember.

Just want to see if anyone knows simple solution to this problem! I am getting frustrated and trying to understand the behavior!

I have difficulty getting him to remember the date despite going over and over.. any one has solutions?

Never know if dementia is progressing!

Cherjer

Dear Sunshine...not to make light of this issue, you will think back (like me) that you wish you still had this problem! Just accept these small issues that will get bigger down the road. I regret some of the things that I made a big deal over...now I would like to play back and have a do over!

Pat6177

One of the few things that my DH does with his smartphone is to check the day and date. He only asks me the day 2 or 3 times a day. Cherjer is right, these will seem like minor issues a year from now. These are great issues to practice patience on. I often remind myself that my DH is the best he will ever be and I better appreciate it while it lasts. It’s a downhill path.

Fairyland

He can’t remember those things anymore. You have to change your thinking, and the way you do (or accept) things, because he cannot.

ButterflyWings

Hi Sunshine- Also not to make light of your frustration, but imagine his since his disease makes it confusing and impossible to understand or remember what you want and probably why. 

The simple solution you asked about? Remove the glass. Or decide not to be bothered by him doing what you now know he is going to do with it. That’s dementia! Buckle up. 

Ed1937

Sunshine, whenever he does (or does not do) things that irritate you, you have to look at the most simple way to avoid the problem. BW has it right. Remove the glass yourself.

harshedbuzz

sunshine5 wrote:

DH was diagnosed one year ago with mild dementia. While he can still go alone for morning walk and get home, he can’t remember simple daily tasks.

Every day, I ask him to leave the glass of water on the table, every day he uses that glass. I tried putting a sign on the wall nearby, sign on the water jug but nothing seems to work!

I know in the end I have to give up and accept that he is not able to remember.

This. He cannot change, so you must if this is a problem for you. 

This helped me. And I will admit that it was something I revisited when frustrated because my expectations were unrealistic.

12 pt Understanding the Dementia Experience (dementiacarestrategies.com)

Just want to see if anyone knows simple solution to this problem! I am getting frustrated and trying to understand the behavior!

Is this "your" glass for the day? I wonder if an insulated water bottle with a novel spout would discourage him from using it. FWIW, while this does seem sort of trivial in the bigger picture, it's the kind of thing that can really wear a caregiver down. 

I have difficulty getting him to remember the date despite going over and over.. any one has solutions?

Why is this important to you? Sadly, the brain is not a muscle that can be worked out to maintain fitness. With the progression of dementia, day and date become very abstract. Even if a PWD could recall or repeat a date given at some point they wouldn't recall it's significance. Anniversaries, birthdays, Thanksgiving, opening day of baseball, trash day-- it's all kind of meaningless at some point. 

Working at this is likely to trigger feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and anxiety which could lead to difficult behaviors. It's best to let it drop. You can still celebrate special days, but may need to keep it breezy with low expectations.

Never know if dementia is progressing!

Dementia is always progressing. If the person has Alzheimer's the losses tend to be constant and almost imperceptible for those who are there daily. If the person has VD, the decline often comes in a series of plateaus where skills disappear suddenly after a plateau where things felt fairly static.

HB

Joydean

Sunshine, what others have said is so true! As for the date, I put a magnet white board on the fridge and write the date on it. My dh will look at it and 5 minutes later ask me what day is it. It’s no big deal to answer his questions. That’s the easy part of this journey. Because knowing the day really has no significance to him. Excepting what is going on and working around it will save you a lot of frustration. As butterfly said, buckle up, it only gets worse. Hang in there, you can do this!

toolbeltexpert

All of the above is unfortunately very true,we have to change.  I learn everyday, if I know she's feed the cats, she doesn't,in 5 minutes or less she will say it again and again. Distract and move on.  I get asked at least 10 times in 2 hours if I bought the cat food in. And for some that's easy.  I am sorry for everyone who has to learn how to do this and I am sorry for those who can't help it. As far as the date is concerned I have 3 Alexis that show the date. Our home phone has a big screen with the date. Any thing we can do to help them may help us.

ButterflyWings

Sunshine- back again after a few more hours of sleep You got some great feedback and support here. And the article link HB shared is a “go to” resource for most. It will answer many of the questions you didn’t even think of yet. Did for me anyway and I still revisit it at times too. 

Two things I want to add: Please be careful trusting him to walk and return alone. Could someone accompany him a few times or occasionally to observe? And if you haven’t looked at the “Information for new members” thread, it is super helpful with links to great resources, just use the search function with that subject line. 

Wrapping up this reply with a quick story of why I said buckle up; we are on a wild ride.  You are reminding me of our own water glass debacle. Like you, I was puzzled but also almost pulling my hair out about a year after diagnosis (around Stage 4 AD for us) when DH would stroll into the kitchen, pull out a tall glass (always the tallest he could find) and grab water (or expensive juice lol) from the fridge, pour a glass full and head off to another room. 

I kept finding full or half-finished glasses all over the place (adult child was at home with DH back then so I might return from errands or a meeting to interesting clues that we were not in Kansas anymore.) I asked, showed, complained and then started monitoring closely and realized he was pouring up to 8 (big) glasses of whatever within an hour or less. Just doing stuff. Maybe thirsty and forgetting or maybe just repetitive behavior. 

I appealed to him, etc., as noted above HaHaHa laughing at myself now ‘cuz THAT didn’t work. It was making me crazy and him irritated that I was telling him what to do (poor delusional mid-stage LO even thought I was filling glasses and accusing him at one point. He could be holding water in one hand, juice in the other and literally not remember pouring them!). Even when I showed him the 8 or so total glasses of H2O, juice, coffee etc he had recently poured and abandoned.

So, my trial and error to wean us both off that merry-go-round started with me... 

1. diluting the juice a bit so it wasn’t wasted since he inevitably drank half the beverage at most & then poured the rest out later (!) Didn’t solve the overall problem of filling multiple glasses but it was a lot less expensive. 
2. also started only putting one flavor of juice in the fridge at a time since he’d pour one of each, otherwise! (full glasses of apple, grape, cranberry, orange aargh!) sitting around fermenting 
3. then I disappeared several of the taller glasses (out of sight out of mind) and ultimately downsized to leave only a few cups and mugs in the cabinet or dish drainer. 
4. eventually (by late Stage 5?) DH was not responsible to have fridge access like that anymore. That was a battle.

And that means 24/7 line of sight to redirect and distract him. I realized it’s what I was told to do on diagnosis.  Join this forum,  and watch him. We don’t want to take away all their autonomy but dementia is doing that, not you. 

For example even with all the precautions, one day at least a year later I noticed DH about to guzzle what looked like a full mug of something but I hadn’t given him anything to drink at that time so I (fake casually) asked what he was having & he showed me his pretty blue juice (what?!) I sniffed it and it was mouthwash! Better for him than a random cleaning product had I not noticed but... these are the things we have to anticipate. I had removed the chemicals (and weapons) during first round of safety proofing but did not think of that.

Just know that we are right with you in this leaky boat, bailing to stay afloat and hope to save you some of the capsizing and rough waters lots of forum mates have already navigated. 

sunshine5

Thanks to all for your support, special thanks to wings!

DH still doesn’t think he has any problem! Dreading to think he is planning a international trip without me!

Iris L.

sunshine5 wrote:

DH still doesn’t think he has any problem! 

This is anosognosia, something real!  He truly believes he is fine!  You will have to learn the work-arounds that members are telling you about.  There are a few articles about anosognosia, unfortunately, I don't have them.

Iris L.

Bob in LW

Your situation sounds similar to mine with my SO.  She knows that she has memory problems, and often gets frustrated over it.  She often asks the same question several times in a day, and I have found that it is best to give a short answer because she won't remember it anyway.  When I initiate a conversation with my SO I have to explain everything from the beginning, as if speaking to a child, or she won't know what I am talking about, even though we have discussed it before.

She has not become combative yet, but she often lashes out at me in frustration.  Example- One day she was in the kitchen and asked me where the butter dish is.  I told her that it is in the cupboard directly above the toaster.  She then said, with an angry tone, "How am I supposed to know where the toaster is?"  She was standing directly in front of the toaster!

These daily occurrences are very minor compared with what others on this board are experiencing, and I have learned a lot from their comments.

MaryG123

Oh my gosh, I didn’t know this was a “known” issue for people with dementia!  My DH has mild cognitive impairment and leaves half full glasses of water all over the house.  Thanks to you all, I am no longer annoyed about it.  It’s a small thing.  Patience is not one of my virtues, but one I must now cultivate.  We have been married for 44 years and chose not to have children.  Now I sometimes feel like I have a youngster to supervise anyway.  Thank you all for sharing.  I’m so glad I found this forum!

toolbeltexpert

Mary G I didn't know it as well. My dw leaves half full Pepsi bottles in fridge and gets another,same with drinking water bottles. She hoards water bottles upstairs and gets a new one every night just in case. I have just ignored that. But I have my own triggers I deal with. Feeding the cats is the one I have to monitor and also the one that can cause major issues.

MaryG123

Yes!  DH either says he fed them and didn’t, or feeds them again when he already did.  They love the latter, of course.  I’m just now facing the fact that there will be no more “You do this while I do that.”  It’s now we do this together or I do it when he’s not paying attention, depending on how much patience I have at the moment.

toolbeltexpert

Mary me doing anything that she does just created several more anger issues. I do understand some of her frustrations, she is losing her personhood.  She says now you do everything I used to do, which gets her depressed. Even if I don't do it, she says she didn't, when she did. I am gonna learn a work around,but doing nothing is not the answer. Let me know how your doing it together goes. I help with feeding the cats and it still becomes a question of did I do it? Wish I could say I know what to do but I do not.

MaryG123

It’s so hard to be respectful but still get necessary tasks done.  I don’t know the answer either.  My DH is easy going with no angry outbursts so far, but I know that may change too.  Hang in there!