Update on placement(1)

Gig Harbor

It has now been 8 days since I placed my husband. I have not gone in yet but will go in next Tuesday or Wednesday. The staff say he is so sweet but has never asked about me. This is sad but good in its own way. I would not want him crying to come home. I can see a list of activities he has taken part in each day and sometimes there are pictures of him. He is making friends and seems very comfortable. His memory loss is so profound that I honestly don’t think he will know me when I go in except as someone vaguely familiar. I will start taking him on walks and drives. They also take him on a drive a week. Today they had a miniature horse there for everyone to pet and I am sure he enjoyed that. It is strange to wake up and not have to wonder what he will be like and how confused he might be. Our dog was sick and I was able to get her into an early morning appointment that would not have been possible if he were home. The house is lonely but in a normal way because I am alone. When there is another person in the room and you are still very lonely it is harder.

Vitruvius

Gig, I appreciate your update since the time for DWs placement is fast approaching and knowing how others have faired is helpful. 

ImMaggieMae

Gig, I’m glad to hear he is getting settled and seems content in his new home. It must be difficult but a relief for you at the same time. I hope he knows you when you go to visit, but is content to stay.

Pat6177

Gig, thanks for the update. I’ve been wondering how you were doing. I’m glad to hear that the transition continues to move forward without any big bumps along the way. I hope your transition to next next stage of caregiving also goes smoothly.

ButterflyWings

Gig- thanks for the update. It sounds like a smooth transition is underway and that is great to hear. I know what you mean about loneliness in the same room with a PWD LO. May your new solitude be restorative and may your retirement from 24/7 caregiving give you all the freedom and peace you deserve. You’ve done well by your DH and it is your turn now.

Ed1937

Gig, I know how bittersweet the change can be. When I placed my wife, I could go to the store, then another and another if I wanted, without worrying if a 20 minute trip would cause distress. But at the same time I missed her, even though caretaking became very hard.

It sounds like you have some things going in your favor, and I'm glad for that. It's no secret that placement is usually harder on the caregiver than the PWD. I wish none of us had to experience that.

Joydean

Gig thank you for the update and it does sound as though he is doing well. I hope your days are going as well, you deserve your own retirement time. Enjoy yourself while you can.

JoseyWales

Gig - Thanks for your update. Placement of your husband sounds similar to placement of mine. He never asked to come home. I guess he does call out for me at times, but he also calls out for his mom and sisters that he hasn't seen in years. 

For many of us, it really is harder on those of us left at home. To have our loved ones gone, yet not. My sister in law the other day came close when she said it's like I'm now a widow, but with no closure. 

toolbeltexpert

Gig it sounds like you did very good for your dh, and for you some things get easier ans some things are not. Keep posting we all need to hear it.

Jo C.

So good to hear from you and to also hear that your husband is doing well, that is wonderful news. Take good care of you up there in beautiful Gig Harbor and know you are being thought of.

J.

Beachfan

Gig,

Thank you for the update. I am with you in spirit.  My house is lonely as well, but no more lonely than when DH was here (but not “here”).  As you and Ed pointed out, the freedom to carry on normal activities without constraints is refreshing and helps stave off the sadness of separation.  (I told the kids I was afraid I was going to be detained for shoplifting the other day because I wandered aimlessly around Sam’s Club for a solid hour, looking suspicious, I’m sure.). I hope your initial (and subsequent) visits go well.  I think about you often.  Stay strong.

David J

Gig,

I wrote a very long reply that somehow disappeared. The gist of it was that I was where you are 9 months ago and all your observation are correct and justified. Its hard to realize that our LOs have moved on from us, and are acclimating to their new MC reality. It is what we want, but it’s hard anyway. The house is empty and our time is empty. It gets better with time as we relearn how to be alone and relearn who we are as individuals. 

Thinking about you and wishing you comfort during this transition. 

Dave

Marie58

Gig, thanks for the update. Sounds like he's adjusting well. I hope your visit goes well. I hope you're getting some much needed rest as you adjust to a new lifestyle too. When I placed DH, I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I realized how much I was sleeping that first week or so. Blessings to both of you!

billS

Gig thanks for the update and I hope your husband continues to adapt and accept this new reality. David J said it so well, our loved one adapts and accepts their new reality and we are then free of the caregiving burden. We needed that freedom and relief, but the hole in our heart remains. I placed my dearest Fern exactly five months ago and since then have enjoyed being able to sleep, get work done and just goof off if I want. I could not have kept her home any longer, but I am now the widower without closure. It is what it is.

Joe C.

Gig, It is good to hear that your husband is adjusting well to memory care. I can certainly relate to your thoughts on pre & post placement loneliness.

Sligo177

Hi Gig,

It is a tough transition, to say the least.  You have done the best thing for your DH, and he is safe and probably happy.  But it's so hard to be by yourself now, after being with him all this time.  It's strange to just go out on an errand, and not worrying about hurrying back home.  Best wishes next week, let us know how it goes.  I'm not far behind you. 

Joe C.

Gig, It is good to hear that your husband is adjusting well to memory care. I can certainly relate to your thoughts on pre & post placement loneliness.

Cherjer

My DH is going to a "Memory Spa" five days a week. It is like a day care but is so welcoming. My fingers crossed that he can continue for a long time. It is a lot of driving for me...four hours back and forth...Jerry is very happy there and I get time at home for at least 5 hours. I hope I continue this for as long as possible. I listen carefully to what you all say about placement and know that will eventually happen. I just want him to be happy and continue to recognize me.