Four years since she knew who I was

Crushed

I started dating DW in the summer of 1972.  That was  50 years ago .  By summer of 2018 she had lost all recognition of me as someone special.  

It pains me that I can't really share how wonderful she was.  I know that I have felt empty and alone for more than 4 years.  I was just on vacation with my wonderful daughters and 5 young grandchildren.  it was great but it's not the same .

I know I have it better than most.  It still hurts

Jeff86

I, too, have it better than most.  That truth, however, does nothing to ameliorate the pain, which is acute.

M1

Make that three of us.  I get it, crushed.  My life is "easy" these days--no daily caregiving--but also no visits, no interaction.  Nothing but worry and sadness.

Beachfan

We are a foursome, a “quartet” so to speak.  I, too, have it “easy” on the surface.  Long, lazy days by the pool with kids and grands, enjoying concerts and sporting events, taking the grands and their friends down the ‘shore, wandering aimlessly through the mall or library.  It’s an enviable and fun daily schedule.  Then come moments of  darkness ; I think about all that I had with DH, what we no longer have, and what we will not have in the future.   Then comes the pain and sadness.

jfkoc

I will make it a quintet. There is so much missing and no amount of "happy memories" helps.

Marie58

We understand the pain all too well, Crushed.

I spent the day yesterday with my two best friends and their husbands. One of the guys was especially helpful in the activity we were doing and I commented to my friend that her husband is so kind. Very unexpectedly I burst into tears as thoughts of my DH flooded over me. I so miss who he was...

Rescue mom

This, and another post here, cause me to wonder again what it will be like when DH no longer recognizes or knows me. He’s screamed “I hate you” a few times, but it’s when he’s frustrated at something, and he gets over it fast. By now that mostly just rolls off. 

My mom with dementia didn’t know me, and I could accept that as “the disease.” 

But my DH….that’s really different.

But.somebody else said something I’ve thought, but couldn’t say. People telling me “just remember the good times you used to have” really, really does not help when dealing with these losses and missing them now. I wish I knew some words that did.

A. Marie

Crushed and everyone else, I'm another member of the club. DH (age 73; I'm 66.5) has been showing symptoms since 2011 (in hindsight), was formally diagnosed in 2018, and was placed in skilled nursing a year ago this month. I'm trying hard to adjust, and I have a core group of neighbors/friends who do get it to the extent possible. We have no children and no family closer than a thousand miles.

But I still have to fend off my share of clueless comments from folks who say things like "Oh, yes, I know all about Alzheimer's. My grandma had it." People, your grandma is NOT my beloved husband and soulmate of 40+ years. I smile, grit my teeth, and try to be gracious--but this is taking a toll on my teeth, not to mention my psyche.

And, no, there is no replacement for what all of us here have lost. All I can do--and all I know you all are doing, too--is to keep on keeping on.

Just Bill

My wife is in a weird place. Her awareness is like a radio station that is just out of reach. Sometimes you hear the song then static then static/song. One moment she will know who I am. The next minute she will be asking me if I plan on staying here. She mistakes me for her brother, father, sister and a few people where she used to work 15 years ago. If I do or say something she will say "Bill does that too." I am Bill the husband, caregiver, boss(I take her to one of my customers). Then she hallucinates so the house is always full of people. No one is here just us and the dog. It won't be long I'll be Bill the caregiver only, that's happening more and more. No anger today, that's a huge win !

Ed1937

I never had to deal with my wife not knowing who I was, and I really feel bad for those of you who are dealing with this. I'm sorry.

Old89

I am another.  We have been married 48 years as of last week.  The night before my wife said that she had never been married so she does not know what that is like.  For some time people have reported that she identifies me as a long dead brother.  And she has told me she does not think we should sleep in the same bed.   I was planning a nice anniversary dinner as I have for the previous 47 years, but cancelled because it would be too confusing.  

The morning of our anniversary I searched in my phone for pictures from prior anniversaries, thinking I could enjoy the memories.  I was overcome with pain and grief.  All I could think of was what has been lost and will continue to be lost.  It hurt.  It reminded of Pres.  Biden's frequent statement on death of a loved one, that it leaves a hole in the soul.