Overwhelmed on this forum

RobertsBrown

Hi gang.

On very many occasions I have landed on this site, read a post from someone asking help or advice, and I try to respond.

I may type a page or two of carefully thought out and edited response...and then I just stare at it, and then I just....I just can't.  I hit delete and leave the site and stare at the ceiling for awhile.

Maybe this is you too.  I get it.  We can talk about this experience, and we get through our days in an 'OKish' fashion, but when we *really* look at where we are and what we are doing, the circuits trip and we shut off.

I don't mean to imply that this forum is overwhelming.  I think it's great, but a lot of the time, for me, the deep dive just crushes me.

Rob-

M1

If it helps at all, I know exactly what you mean RB.  Sometimes I do the same thing--write posts and then delete.  Because there's really nothing anyone can do, and sometimes I just feel like I'm whining.  Or feeling sorry for myself, or that I just have nothing to contribute.

We do care about each other though.  And sometimes it just helps to know that, to give it back, or to take it when you need it.  All's fair, within reason and civility, in my book.

Joydean

Robert, I get what you are saying! I too have written several post only to delete it. I keep coming back because I’ve learned to care for the people on this forum, I post to try to emphasize and encourage others. The people here have helped me by their sharing their experience and I’ve learned so much from them. To me they are like friends. And yes it hurts to know the pain of others but who else will really understand that pain except those of us going through it ourselves. 

For me posting is better than having a complete meltdown myself! I know I’m not alone with a spouse that has Alzheimer’s. 

Mint

So I’m not the only one that types out a post and deletes it.  Have done this many times.

Just Bill

I read a lot of posts before I wrote one. My biggest worry was who do I think I am offering advice or help to anyone. Then I just started typing and feeling better. I hope everyone knows my advice comes from a place of humility and it is what I'm working on in the moment. I'm not some arrogant know it all that thinks he figured everything out. Far from it. I am just as lost and in pain as the rest of you. Living day to day, try this try that, works for a while then try this and that works for a while. This is a moving target and sharing my thoughts helps me sort things out. I like to lean towards the positive so I appreciate everyone's patience with that. This has been great therapy for me thank you all again !

toolbeltexpert

Hello Robert,, I too have just hit the cancel button more than once. I also find encouragement from many of the replies I get and if I never said, it thank you all.  Joydean I agree you are all like my friends.

Buggsroo

This resonated with me. I have zapped replies because I am worried about offending the poster or I get too emotional and my heart hurts. I find the people on this forum wonderful and admire them for how they are coping. Sometimes I feel like the Manhattan project, I will implode from all the grief, anger, and ultimately inertia.

Ed1937

Just Bill wrote:

I read a lot of posts before I wrote one. My biggest worry was who do I think I am offering advice or help to anyone. Then I just started typing and feeling better. I hope everyone knows my advice comes from a place of humility and it is what I'm working on in the moment. I'm not some arrogant know it all that thinks he figured everything out. Far from it. I am just as lost and in pain as the rest of you. Living day to day, try this try that, works for a while then try this and that works for a while. This is a moving target and sharing my thoughts helps me sort things out. I like to lean towards the positive so I appreciate everyone's patience with that. This has been great therapy for me thank you all again !

Bill, I couldn't have written the words you did, but I feel exactly the same way. Thanks for the post.

MaryG123

Sometimes I find that just writing down my thoughts helps clear my mind, whether anyone else reads them or not.  Thank you all for your kind support.

Marie58

I can echo what everyone else said. Sometimes what I type out doesn't come out right and I delete it. Or others have already said what I'm thinking. I also appreciate everyone's posts and the different perspectives given. Don't know what I'd do without this forum.

DrinaJGB

Wow.I am right there with you, RB.

  I have lost count of all the posts I have deleted. I sometimes feel that my situation is so different from most of the others since my DH started with a very rare brain injury over a dozen years ago, only to evolve to dementia over the years.

Also, and please don't take this the wrong way-- I sometimes read the posts among others and it seems at times to be just a certain group who really know each other well. But that is just me.

My DH's situation is so unique that I feel like I am constantly trying to explain it and it simply exhausts me. He hasn't followed the typical dementia road in set stages/steps, etc. It has been nothing but confusing.

So, I feel like what's the point and I hit delete.

JoseyWales

Yep, you're all my people.

I often don't post because I feel like there are so many others here who just know their facts better or have a much better way with words. So I type, delete, and stay silent a lot. I think my number of posts only comes from having been here for such a long, long time.

Iris L.

My situation is unique because I am a patient.  All the other patients except Michael no longer post, so I am alone in this manner.  I was also a medical professional and a caregiver to my mom with cancer, no dementia.  I attempt to look at my situation as overcoming, not being overwhelmed, because the latter would destroy me.  I can't afford to go down because no one is coming to rescue me, I have to rescue myself.  I don't delete posts, I just stopped posting, except for a few, because I don't think that what I want to post many people can relate to.

Iris8

Paris20

I’ve edited and trashed messages too. However, I’d like to respond as a reader of these posts. They are invaluable to me. I don’t have to agree, accept, or act on every piece of information I get here but the support is immense and the advice is so helpful to me. I check every day and always find something worthwhile.

saltom

Rob and all the rest of the repliers.    I, too, have written several times and for one reason or another hit delete instead of post.  The forum has become my cathartic and I thank all of you for it. We become an elite family whose members can share their lives knowing the rest will understand and not be judgmental. And the wealth of information is invaluable and better than doctors or social workers. My train of thought was just interrupted by DH who insisted he needed a shower at 3:30 in the afternoon.  If it makes him happy, I go for it.  Now to see if I have the guts to hit post.

Quilting brings calm

Yep.  I type replies and then I revise,  sometimes  I post and then I quickly delete.  There’s times I type a short reply and then realize it sounds curt  and dismissive.  Or that maybe it’s a little judgemental.  Or maybe I’m just having a bad day.  

I have found that the last few weeks on these forums have shown several people that have been doing this a long time and they’ve come  to the beginning of that last most severe  stage.  I feel for you.  And it makes my frustrations pale in comparison.  

Scooterr

Hello Robert, you know my circuits trip also, sometimes it seems they stay tripped. I'm a newbie on this forum, and I feel  close to a lot of people on here. I read as many post as time, or  I should say my DW will allow me.  I vent and I ask for advise, some advise I follow and some I store away when it can come into play, and I appreciate all advise. Sometimes I'm just looking for a response just to know someone is listing can help so, so much. There's days this forum is the only thing that gets me through the day. Sometimes I feel like I vent to much, but there's always someone here to listen and it helps me carry on. I greatly appreciate everyone on this forum.