DH still in hospital

caberr

I posted that DH was so agitated angry and aggressive I had to call 911. That was June 9 almost 3 weeks ago.  He stayed in a "holding area" in the ER waiting to be placed in a geri psych ward 5 nights in one hospital and 3 more nights after he was transferred to Boston. He was admitted to the hospital on Friday June 17. Those "holding areas" are horrible for AD patients. 

He progressed so quickly the dr's wanted to be sure there was nothing medically wrong.  He now has thrush which is going down his throat.  He is in pain so isn't eating. He likes ice cream, milk and apple juice and will drink a little ensure.  A hold was put on the search for a bed until he improves.

He is now incontinent and doesn't walk.  They were afraid to get him up and it was easier to use diapers.  I am not happy with this, and I ask every day about PT.  He was jogging around the track the day before this episode. 

I had a meeting with our kids.  We all decided he will not come home but will go to a memory care facility. I found a place 10 minutes from me. 

I have so many emotions.  I know it will be better for him but feel selfish. I know he isn't the same person anymore.  I want him to be happy. I want him to come home but as he was 10 years ago.  

Thanks again for letting me share.  I have learned alot on this forum.

dayn2nite2

I'm glad you found a place.  Unfortunately, PT isn't going to help him re-learn bathroom skills.

I think even if he were continent he was going to be too much to bring back home.

Ed1937

Caberr, I understand the multitude of emotions. I'm so sorry. Just keep in mind that whatever you choose is going to be the best for both of you.

Sligo177

Caberr,

What a difficult month for you and your family, things changed so quickly.  You are in no way selfish, you want your LO to be safe, you need to keep yourself safe, and you are doing this out of love for him.  You said it right in your note -"I want him to be happy".  My LO is going to memory care very shortly, too.  Mixed emotions every waking hour.  Prayers for you. 

Joydean

Caberr, this has been a horrible month for you and your family and I’m so sorry. You are not selfish, you are wanting the best for you and your husband. What decision you and your family have made are made for the best you can ask for.

Just Bill

I feel for you women dealing with this. My wife is 5'0'' 95 lbs and she has had me frightened more than once. In the back of my mind I know I can restrain her. If the situation was reversed I would be terrified if I was her. She truly would be powerless if I lost it. Stay safe all of you.

David J

Caberr, a hospital ER is the worst place for a PWD. Noisy, confusing, frightening! The nurses force PWDs to stay on the gurney until they wet out themselves, then get upset when they have to change them. After admission, rooms and beds are only slightly better. But it takes longer to get changed and cleaned up after an accident. That was the worst part and I really sympathize with you and your husband for having to go through that. I hope he gets stabilized soon and can go to the MCF. It will be quieter, the staff less stressed, and they will toilet him more frequently. 

I am sorry you have reached this point, but the MCF is the right place now. 

Dave

jmlarue

I'm a little fuzzy on the details. Is your DH still in the geri-psych unit and receiving varying cocktails of psych drugs? Is this, perhaps, the reason for his steep decline? We went through an awful psych ward experience with my 81 yo mother. I am convinced that she wouldn't have survived the experience except that the entire family insisted that the psych doctors start withdrawing some of the drugs they were giving her to see if her condition would stabilize. Just a suggestion - you might want to consider questioning the psych ward treatment plan. These doctors are not omniscient gods. Just my personal opinion - too much of this practice is experimentation with a deep reluctance to admit failure.

caberr

Thanks all, DH is still in the hospital. He has had multiple tests to see if there is an underlying issue making the AD seem worse.  He does not.  The hospital started him on Risperidone, I don't think that worked.  Now he is on Seroquel, I think is better.  He has thrush which needs to be cleared up before release.

Yesterday the dr said he won't be going to rehab or geri psych.  His alzheimer's has progressed too far.  He will be assessed to see what level of care he needs.  I am not sure when he will be released or where he will go.  I had the place picked out but if he needs a high level of care they will not take him.  I have a wonderful woman helping.  Takes a lot of the stress off me.  

I want him out of the hospital. They aren't helping him.  He needs to get up but the nurses are too nervous (they say) and I've been told PT hasn't gotten him up either.  I'm not quite sure if pt hasn't seen him or if he doesn't follow direction.  I ask every day but seem to get different answers. My daughter is a nurse and worked in a hospital for some time and said the nurses don't have the time to get him up.  I am not blaming the nurses most of them have been very good to him and I know they have more than one patient.

Anyway.....here I am. Knots in my stomach worrying about what will happen.  I know I worry doesn't do any good but I will feel much better knowing he is someplace where he will get the time he needs for the help he needs. 

dayn2nite2

I know you are focused on him "getting up" but you need to prepare yourself that after this length of time in bed he will probably not walk again and will be in a wheelchair.  I'm getting the feeling that you believe that once "they get him up" he is going to regain all these abilities he's lost and preparing yourself for that not to happen is going to be more realistic than him jogging or even shuffling again.

The fact that they aren't even considering rehab for him says it all.  The reason he isn't going to geri-psych is because he is now non-ambulatory and less of a danger to others.  He can yell and reach out to hit someone but medication will fix that and staff don't need to worry about him hurting someone if they are out of arm's reach.

After you figure out where he is going to go, it may be appropriate to get a hospice evaluation.  This doesn't mean he's going to die imminently or even within a few months, but it does mean that his ability has deteriorated so much that he will probably qualify.

jmlarue

I feel so badly for you. This is a very tough spot you're in. I would be worried, too, given the decline your DH has suffered in three weeks of hospitalization and no solid explanations for it. Your situation tugs at my heart strings because my DH seems to be on a parallel track with yours - anger, aggression, delusions, hallucinations - and the doctors can't find any real organic cause of it. So hard to accept that it's the progression of dementia that has brought such sudden and dramatic change that makes us fearful for our own safety as well as theirs. I feel very fortunate that I have avoided calling 911 and his admission to a psych facility during this crisis. I hope I never have to do that after seeing what you two have been through. I have no words to soothe your worry. Just know that I am lifting you both up in prayer during this uncertain and confusing time.

Joydean

Caberr, day2 is right, you will need to get a hospice evaluation just for all the added help for your husband. It doesn’t hurt to just hear what they have to say, he may not even qualify, but if they can help it would be a nice thing. Wishing you and your family all the best .