Mom doesn’t want to be alone but refusing care givers

Welsh022

My mom has moderate dementia and recently had to leave her community, her home and her friends due to need for more care. She is physically very able and young (74), but has become very depressed and is dealing with a lot of grief. We are adjusting her meds, she will be seeing a psychologist, and has a planned move to assisted living as soon as her room opens (in a few weeks).  She does not want to be alone, and has started berating some caregivers and “fired” her sweet, mild-mannered grandson today. My sister and her family live in her town and are completely worn out from all of this. 

I don’t know what to do. We can’t find enough overnight caregivers, and my sister cannot stay with her for her own health reasons. I feel really overwhelmed. 

dayn2nite2

You can cross one of those items off your list and that is the psychologist.  She will get nothing out of talk therapy because her cognition is impaired.  

If she refuses people as caregivers then she is probably going to have to be alone sometimes.  Unfortunately, this is often what happens when we wait a little too long to make arrangements for placement.

If she is going to have to be alone, make sure she isn't able to use a microwave or stove and expect disasters to occur.  Where is she currently?

Welsh022

She is in a supportive AL setting. Her stove is unplugged. They provide dinner and activities. I don’t worry that she is in danger. 

Interestingly, I think she may be able to work with a therapist. During the day when she’s not sundowning, she has some insight into what is happening and wants suggestions on how to feel better( which she writes down and follows). Not so much in the evening. 

I’m not concerned about safety— there have been zero issues there. Just not sure what words to use when she will be alone. Just matter of fact— no one will be staying overnight.  You can call me when you need me. She has had zero issues using a phone, so I think she will call id she needs to.