Does the shadowing ever end?

KathyF1

I’m so worn out by my DH following me around literally everywhere, asking a million questions- when does this end? I know you all know how exhausting this is. Can you tell me if it will subside?

Just Bill

Take him for a walk and wear him out. While he recovers from the walk you recover from him.

Just Bill

I'm sorry I didn't answer your question. No it doesn't. You are going to have to adapt.

David J

Yes, it will end. But it will be replaced by something else. In our case, it changed from shadowing to wandering. I’d turn around and she’d be gone. I’d say enjoy that he wants to be with you now; who knows what’s next. 

Dave

Just Bill

For the last 3 months she has been relentless. Literally every 5 minutes. Never ending questions. Luckily she is cooperative and I give her projects that she can focus on for a while. I changed my mental approach and just accept it. When it bothered me she could pick up on that and get angry. I just yield to the universe and let things just happen. I use walks and drives in the car to calm her down and she can chill for a while by herself so I can grab a quick workout/meditation/breathing exercise/golf drill. And then the interview continues, I answer every question like it was the first time I've heard it. When she starts asking questions about the people in the hallucinations I get pretty creative with my responses. Ultimately I know how this ends so I really appreciate spending 24/7 with her. Mostly she is pretty happy. Farther and farther from reality but happy.

AnnMB

DH doesn't shadow me. I have to shadow him for his own safety. On good days I can get 10 minutes between checking on him. Bad days, I follow him every step he takes. In between days, I check on him every 2-5 minutes.

DH loves to be outside in the yard but he is known to try to mow the lawn and leave the property. He will go to the neighbors but he did go down the busy street once. We are talking dump trucks, cement trucks, etc. as behind us is a retirement community that is being developed. Also a lot of vehicles from the community.

I would love to have DH follow me around as I would know where he is rather than having to check up on him. At least following you, you know they are safe.

Midwest Gal

I agree that the shadowing is very annoying.  My DH jumps up and follows me even if I'm getting a drink of water.  He stands and watches me unload the dishwasher and stands outside the door when I want to take a quiet soaking bath saying that he has missed me (15 min).  Along with the shadowing he constantly complimenting me with sappy compliments every 5 minutes although we have never talked like that in our close to 30 years of marriage.  Our love was more of an unspoken understood quality.  We have a farm and have always been busy with keeping up the farm and the animals. However because of this forum I feel blessed that my DH isn't mean and aggressive and trying to take off.  I also have found the advise of not getting our thoughts too far ahead as one day at a time is best to endure this life test.  My DH is one of those proud fellows that would jump in the river over the thought of having help come in as he really thinks he is ok.  He is most likely at the end of step 5 heading into step 6, but he has some smooth social skills that fools any short term company.  Few people have any idea how crazy it has gotten around here.  Keeping busy seems to be the ticket to some sort of sanity.

Sandy222

Some days this shadowing gets crazy.

Michael Ellenbogen

WWhen  it does you  may regret  it.

KathyF1

Thank you all, I do know I need to adapt, I also realize what replaces this may be even harder. I pray daily for patience. I also pray for courage- seeing your loved one change is so sad and frankly scary. One day at a time. And- I’m hoping to move (if our farm sells) to be near my family. Having support I know can make such a difference. Doing this alone is tough.

Kevcoy

Shadowing is super annoying.  I loved my alone time when it was time to make dinner and I could have the news on and do my thing.  Now he is in the kitchen with me the whole time and usually standing right where I needed to get something.  I've started giving him little chores now when I'm there like doing some dishes or wiping the counters which has helped.  What freaks me out the most is when I have to do some work or emails on the computer and he comes in the room and just sits in the chair behind me staring at me without a word.  Also, the three word question that just grates on me because he asks it so many time a day is, "Where are you?"

Hang in there.